Not This Time, Blog.

You know when you really feel like you should be blogging because it's been a while since your last post and you feel guilty about having a night to yourself and not using it to be productive...?

Or maybe you have two cookbooks worth of recipes that are waiting to be scanned so you can finally give them back to your coworker because he's probably been starving ever since he let you borrow those cookbooks...?

Or maybe there's a load of laundry that has two days worth of clean wrinkles sitting in the dryer, begging to be folded...?

Or maybe you could do a little extra "work-from-home" stuff since it could easily be done and you know exactly where you left off when you bolted from the office just before 5pm...?

You could be doing all those things...

But instead, you're just laying in your own stink and watch tivo'd episodes of Intervention and Cold Case?

Yes. Me too.

Hellooooo, Tuesday Night!

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Weekend Recap.

I had SUCH a great weekend. Without boring you with the minor details, here are the noteworthy parts.

I was introduced to not one, but TWO weirdo-alternate-universe Twin Peaks-esque restaurants. The first is actually a local bar that I've somehow managed to avoid over the past 31 years. The bartender looked familiar and it turned that we used to run into each other at a local hole-in-the-wall bar like seven years ago. He introduced himself and within 5 minutes I called him the wrong name. Which was pretty fucking embarrassing because hello, HE JUST INTRODUCED HIMSELF.

The second was a totally non-descript restaurant in the middle of a grocery store strip mall in Santa Barbara. It's the kind of place you see and assume it's full of old-ass grannies. The interior decor was like a gaudy, black-and-red feast for the eyeballs.

More to come on this place in the future.

Pearl has her first school dance coming up this Friday. It's called "Boogie Nights" and it's disco-themed. Since I LOVE disco music, I was totally game for finding her the right outfit for this special occasion.

Considering how hard it is to find a "disco" outfit for a 5 year old that isn't all stupid and costumey and highly flammable, I think we did pretty well. I'd also like to clarify that I'm fully aware this outfit is bordering on the 60's and usually I'm a real stickler about that kind of stuff. Whatever. I'm banking on the fact that none of these kids will know the difference.

Boyfriend and I went to an estate sale that just happened to have an old desk, which was exactly what we were looking for. Boyfriend fell in love with it the second we pulled up and we bought it. It was after the fact that we learned the history of the desk. Apparently, this desk used to be the work desk of a military man. It was built in and used in Hawaii during Pearl Harbor. When the man retired, they gave him the desk as his going-away gift.

The cupboard on the left side is designed for a typewriter. But it just happens to be the PERFECT size for our printer. Which means it's tucked away when it's not being used. And when you need it, you just pull the spring-loaded ledge out and the whole thing lifts up to the same height as the desktop.

Lastly, we had a bag of nearly-perfect condition stuffed animals, clothing, and dishes that we didn't need. Instead of holding onto to them until the next garage sale, which will be who-knows-when, and instead of taking them to the thrift store where they will turn into a sale, we took them straight to the local women and children shelter. Hopefully they'll all be put to good use. Especially those stuffed animals. They need some loving kids to drag them around.

What did you do this weekend?

Also- in case you missed my last post (Girl Scouts), I'd still love to know what you think. :)

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Girl Scout Cookies: The Big Debate

Yesterday morning on my way into work, I was listening to Kevin and Bean on KROQ. The topic of debate was Girl Scouts. More importantly, how Girl Scouts just aren't doing their job these days.

One of the hosts (Kevin or Bean, I'm not sure which is which), was going off about how kids these days don't even participate in their own selling events. Instead, it's the parents who go into the workplace and hit everyone up Soprano's-style to buy a paycheck's worth of Samosas and Thin Mints.

Isn't the point of selling goods for your group/ club (other than to rake in the scrilla) to teach children some valuable life tools? Like getting the courage to nervously mumble your well-rehearsed speech about being in troop #blah-blah-blah and explaining that the money will help buy more activity books and field trips? Or the responsibility of keeping track of all that filthy rich money in a tattered manila envelope without blowing it on Blow Pops and Big Sticks when the ice cream man comes around? Or the feeling of pure high-fiving accomplishment when they finally make a sale after practically begging people for 4 hours straight?

When I was in elementary school, I was a Brownie. In junior high, I played volleyball. In high school, I was in French Club. All of these groups required its members to sell cookies/ candy/ random shit to raise money. I don't really remember how things worked when I was a Brownie because that was a long-ass time ago, but I DO remember going door-to-door in junior high and high school, trying my hand at fund-raising.

I know some parents are all up in arms because they can't bear to let their kids out of their site for two seconds. I'm not saying these little tykes need to brave the mean streets of suburbia on their own.

But I don't see any harm in dressing them up in their club uniforms and sending them up to your neighbor's door to make the sale, while the parents stand back on the sidewalk.

If these kids showed up at my door, I'd buy the shit out of some Peanut Butter Savannas. (I'd probably also ask where I can get one of those cute little berets.)

What do you think? Is there anything wrong with these parents who take over for their kids when it comes to fund-raising? Is the importance in the lesson or the money? Am I being too old fashioned*?

*I'm not

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Every Now and Then I Like to Throw the Vegetarians a Bone.

My friend Melissa is a Vegan. (I'm friends with a real life vegan. I know, I'm just as shocked as you. But she makes up for her lack of meat-eating with sweetness and laughter.)

She designed/created/made a cookbook. And gave me a copy. Because we're friends, you see. And also probably because she's secretly trying to turn me. Into one of "them".

Hello, little bookie.

Lots of helpful cooking information.

Blank pages for kitchen love notes.

Everything your heart desires.

Even though I have yet to attempt one of these recipes, I'm going to fully endorse this cookbook.

Now you may be asking yourself, "TILTE, why the hell are you endorsing this crazy ass non-animal food?"

Well, I actually HAVE tried some of Melissa's food- the Cherry Almond cake, sweet potatoes, and Coconut-Mango Rice, to be exact...

And it's really good! -And I don't just mean for vegans. I mean for reals.

Plus, her homemade leftovers that she brings for lunch always smell super tasty. And not like it's full of vegetable black magic.

So I wanted to let all of you know about her cookbook. Especially those vegetarian type (or just healthy) eaters who get all weirded out by the amount of animal products I consume.

Here's a great cookbook! Learn how how the whole thing came together by visiting Melissa's blog.

Feel like ordering one? Do it HERE!

Boner'ppetite.

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We Had a Hawaiian Potluck at Work Today.

We had a "Hawaiian" themed potluck at work today. We pretty much used the term "Hawaiian" as loosely as possible because it wasn't really very hawaiian at all.

The party was originally supposed to be an after-work event. However, one particular coworker who turns all Hulkamania-roid-rage when he gets hungry asked (and asked and asked) if we could move it to a lunch time party instead. Since we didn't have anything better to do (except work), we decided to get the party started.

And by "party" I mean "everyone swarming the buffet table and eating in silence".

Even with the assistance of some homemade jungle juice, it was snoozeville.

However...

When round #2 of the potluck party came around (after work), things perked up a bit. Drinks were had and games were played. And it actually turned out to be a success!

Coconut-Mango Rice and sweet potatoes (my favs of the day)

Whoopie Pies

Pulled pork, grilled chicken, and tortillas

My Contribution: King's Hawaiian Rolls (because I was too lazy to cook anything)

Spam Musubi

My plate

My Other Contribution: Jungle Juice! (because why the hell not.)

There was more food than what's pictured above. There was tons of food, actually. Unfortunately, this was all I had patience for. Because I wanted to eat.

We had a limbo contest AND a hula hoop contest. At first, no one could master the act of actually keeping the hula hoop up for more than one second. But once we YouTube'd "how to hula hoop", things got REAL.

This is one of my coworkers who shall remain nameless (unless you want to hook it up, in which case let me know and I'll do what I can).

Lastly, I may or may not have made the office listen to Mele Kalikimaka today. (I don't fucking care that it's a Christmas song.) (Have you even HEARD Hawaiian music?? It's all boring and everything sounds like that dumb Iz "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" shit.) At least my song was fun and festive.

Boner'ppetite.

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I Take a Picture of Almost Everything I Eat.

I take a picture of almost everything I eat. Not because I have a weird eating disorder. But because I have high aspirations of blogging about it.

The blog only happens about 8% of the time.

The eating happens 100% of the time.

Here are some random shots of food that never made it to the blog. (They were all taken with my phone, so don't expect some Dorothea Lange photojournalism here.)

Holiday Hams (Vons)

Three giant cakes I made for Pearl's birthday party.

Picnic at Malibu Winery

Picnic at the beach.

Snow Cone at the Obon Festival

$5 Cosmos at Aloha Steakhouse.

Happy Hour.

A favorite homemade dinner, spaghetti and asparagus.

French fries at Father's Office.

Albondigas soup at Casa de Soria.

Happy Hour at Cabo.

Happy Tuesday!

(I don't know why I said that.)

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Recipe: Penne al Forno (It's Great for Entertaining!)

Last weekend Boyfriend and I hosted a little Game Night get-together at our house. Since we were having a good amount of people over, I jumped at the chance to try out a Nadia G. recipe (Bitchin' Kitchen).

Can you tell we like Bitchin' Kitchen...? I'm pretty sure Pearl wants to actually BE Nadia G. Like, in real life.



Penne al Forno

INGREDIENTS (bolognese)
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, smashed
1/2 tsp chili flakes
1 red onion, minced
8 oz ground beef
4 cups San Marzano tomatoes, hand crushed
1/4 cup fresh parsley, minced
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp raw sugar
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp sea salt
-fresh ground pepper to taste

INGREDIENTS (pasta)
-salt
-1 lb penne lisce pasta
-1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup grated mozzarella
1/2 cup grated parmesan





DIRECTIONS
For the bolognese: Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the garlic and chili flakes and fry until golden (about 1 min). Add onions and saute till crispy (8-10 min).




Add ground beef and cook until crumbled. Add tomatoes, parsley, oregano, sugar, bay leaf, sea salt, and pepper. Mix and simmer for 20 min.





For the pasta: Bring salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook till almost al dente (8-9 min). Drain.

To assemble: Preheat oven to 350. Grease a 15x10 baking dish with butter.





In a bowl, mix pasta with half of the bolognese. Put a light layer of this pasta into the baking dish, followed by 1/4 cup sauce, 1/3 cup mozzarella, and 1 tbsp parmesan. Repeat with second layer till everything is used up.




Place in oven and bake until edges are golden and bubbly, approx 30 min.


Pig the fuck out.

NOTES:
-I used salted butter. Because that's what I buy.
-I used about 1/4 of chili flakes because I'm not a big fan of spicy food.
-I only bought one can of San Marzano tomatoes, which turned out to only be half the amount I needed. Being the resourceful person I am, I just substituted Ragu Traditional sauce for the other half. Also, it's because I'm fancy.
-I used way more than the suggested amount of cheese. Maybe twice as much mozzarella and four times as much parmesan.
-You know those free packets of red peppers that come with pizza? And the brown packets of "raw" sugar at Starbucks? I used those instead of buying a whole box of each. I never use those ingredients and they're the perfect serving size. And, I'm cheap.
-I was also a little nervous about using a whole red onion. We actually only went with half.

Boyfriend and I were very happy with the meal (it was fucking delicious). All of our guests had full plates and I even had enough for a few leftovers. And believe me, I ate the shit out of those leftovers.


Other things I like to eat (from game night)...

kettle corn from the farmer's market thanks to our friends Todd and Alex

baked brie thanks to our friends Melissa and Justin


my favorite green salad


dessert tartlettes thanks to my friend Rawnie


and Old Fashion cocktails thanks to Boyfriend

You should plan a game night too.

Boner'ppetite.

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I Just Took Ten Years Off My Face! (And Also Added Ten Pounds to My Face.)

Remember when I was contemplating whether or not I should get bangs?

Well, obviously I got them.

And I say obviously because I'm impatient about that kind of stuff.

So, before I reveal the "After", let's take a look at some of the good times I had without bangs.

Poses inspired by Toddler & Tiaras

And now. For the moment you've all been waiting (for the past 38 seconds), MY BANGS!!!

I think bangs tend to make me look younger, which I'm not really complaining about. However, said bangs also accentuate my acorn-storing cheeks, which is something I AM complaining about. But I guess there's nothing I can do about that. Except for maybe go on a diet. And obviously that's not going to happen. Oh well, c'est la vie.

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Vlog: Working Out with TILTE

Many of you have asked how I keep in such great shape.

Well, here it is. The secret to my success.

The Wii Fit.

I discovered it in our garage two weeks ago, but I've already used it like four times. Which basically means I'm fucking ripped now.

You ready?

It's time to get swole.

(Music: Satisfaction by Benny Benassi)

People also ask how I manage to stay so fresh and beautiful while I exercise. To which I reply "I guess I'm just lucky that way".

If anyone wants any workout pointers, just hit me up.

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Life with Endometriosis.

Most of you have no idea what endometriosis is like. Lucky for you, I'm here. Today I'm going to enlighten you on what it's like to have endometriosis.

WARNING: This is not really a humorous look at endometriosis. I mean, it's somewhat humorous, but the point here is that it really fucking sucks. This is a 100% frustrated rant based on the fact that I've been in unbearable pain today. (Male readers- go ahead and exit this window now.)


So, there's the given: Periods with endometriosis are not like normal periods. They involve fucking nightmarish cramps that take over your whole mid-section. Front to back. Down the legs. Buttcheeks? Yes. Those too.

Day one of period time consists of two locations: the bed and the toilet. The pain is so intense, the only reason you'd even consider getting out of bed is because you're about to blow your insides right through your butthole. And by "insides", I don't mean "poop". I mean like your internal organs and shit. Right out your butt.

Toilet times are spent alternating between getting the chills and feeling feverish. Your stomach contracts like you're about to wretch. Only you don't. Instead, you just pass some uterine lining. And then you feel relief. And go back to bed. And wait for it to start all over again.

Kind of like this. Only not as human-looking.

And then there's the big whopper when it comes to endo: The 40% chance of infertility. Which is a bummer. Especially when everyone you know is getting pregnant. Or worse yet- hearing about another unplanned "accident". It seems like (for some women) the wind just has to blow a certain direction and they get pregnant.

That shit makes me mad.

Especially when you consider that genes this cute may go to waste.

Too cute to not have kids.

But then, there are also the ongoing side effects. Pains and discomforts that happen at any time, without notice, and for no good reason.

At any given time, it feels like someone's taken a bicycle pump and is slowing blowing up your stomach, making it feel like there's not even enough room for your own organs inside your skin. Even the weight of a feather resting on your tummy feels like a 10 ton boulder.

...It feels like there's a little monster living inside your lower abdomen who likes scrape a razor blade along your insides. Over and over. In slow motion.

...And you know that aching feeling you get in your back when you're about to come down with a bad cold or flu? Yeah, that ache comes with endo too. And it shows up whenever it feels like it, not just at period time.

...And you hardly make it through a day without your over-the-counter pain killers. (My liver is screwed.)

...And your appetite is fucked because your stomach is usually somewhere in the queesy zone. Not that you'll necessarily eat any less. You'll just find that your favorite foods have lost that "loving feeling".

...And don't forget about the lack of energy and endless fatigue. Napping quickly becomes your favorite extra-curricular activity.

...And also there's a really annoying heaviness in your bottom. Like someone just opened a flap on your back side, tucked a brick in each butt cheek, and then closed it back up again.

My insides. (Click for a better view)

And the cure for endometriosis? Well, there is none. But there are a few ways to decrease symptoms:

1. Hormone therapy. AKA Turn yourself into a man.

2. Hysterectomy.

3. Birth control.

Now, I'm no doctor, but none of those seem like viable options for anyone who may be trying to conceive. Which means, sorry sucker, you're just going to have to be in pain.

Well, that's all I care to think of right now in regards to endometriosis. I'm sure there's more to add, but the Vicodin's kicked in and I'm ready to stare mindlessly at the TV.

If you get anything out of this post, just know that endo really sucks. And if you know someone who has it, maybe you'll have some compassion.

Luckily, everyone I know has been really understanding when I say I'm not feeling well (except maybe my ex who suggested it was all in my head). But it's days like this, when I've really had a hard time with it, that make me want to share my experiences.

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