WARNING: This is not really a humorous look at endometriosis. I mean, it's somewhat humorous, but the point here is that it really fucking sucks. This is a 100% frustrated rant based on the fact that I've been in unbearable pain today. (Male readers- go ahead and exit this window now.)
So, there's the given: Periods with endometriosis are not like normal periods. They involve fucking nightmarish cramps that take over your whole mid-section. Front to back. Down the legs. Buttcheeks? Yes. Those too.
Day one of period time consists of two locations: the bed and the toilet. The pain is so intense, the only reason you'd even consider getting out of bed is because you're about to blow your insides right through your butthole. And by "insides", I don't mean "poop". I mean like your internal organs and shit. Right out your butt.
Toilet times are spent alternating between getting the chills and feeling feverish. Your stomach contracts like you're about to wretch. Only you don't. Instead, you just pass some uterine lining. And then you feel relief. And go back to bed. And wait for it to start all over again.
Kind of like this. Only not as human-looking.
And then there's the big whopper when it comes to endo: The 40% chance of infertility. Which is a bummer. Especially when everyone you know is getting pregnant. Or worse yet- hearing about another unplanned "accident". It seems like (for some women) the wind just has to blow a certain direction and they get pregnant.
That shit makes me mad.
Especially when you consider that genes this cute may go to waste.
Too cute to not have kids.
But then, there are also the ongoing side effects. Pains and discomforts that happen at any time, without notice, and for no good reason.
At any given time, it feels like someone's taken a bicycle pump and is slowing blowing up your stomach, making it feel like there's not even enough room for your own organs inside your skin. Even the weight of a feather resting on your tummy feels like a 10 ton boulder.
...It feels like there's a little monster living inside your lower abdomen who likes scrape a razor blade along your insides. Over and over. In slow motion.
...And you know that aching feeling you get in your back when you're about to come down with a bad cold or flu? Yeah, that ache comes with endo too. And it shows up whenever it feels like it, not just at period time.
...And you hardly make it through a day without your over-the-counter pain killers. (My liver is screwed.)
...And your appetite is fucked because your stomach is usually somewhere in the queesy zone. Not that you'll necessarily eat any less. You'll just find that your favorite foods have lost that "loving feeling".
...And don't forget about the lack of energy and endless fatigue. Napping quickly becomes your favorite extra-curricular activity.
...And also there's a really annoying heaviness in your bottom. Like someone just opened a flap on your back side, tucked a brick in each butt cheek, and then closed it back up again.
My insides. (Click for a better view)
And the cure for endometriosis? Well, there is none. But there are a few ways to decrease symptoms:
1. Hormone therapy. AKA Turn yourself into a man.
2. Hysterectomy.
3. Birth control.
Now, I'm no doctor, but none of those seem like viable options for anyone who may be trying to conceive. Which means, sorry sucker, you're just going to have to be in pain.
And the cure for endometriosis? Well, there is none. But there are a few ways to decrease symptoms:
1. Hormone therapy. AKA Turn yourself into a man.
2. Hysterectomy.
3. Birth control.
Now, I'm no doctor, but none of those seem like viable options for anyone who may be trying to conceive. Which means, sorry sucker, you're just going to have to be in pain.
Well, that's all I care to think of right now in regards to endometriosis. I'm sure there's more to add, but the Vicodin's kicked in and I'm ready to stare mindlessly at the TV.
If you get anything out of this post, just know that endo really sucks. And if you know someone who has it, maybe you'll have some compassion.
Luckily, everyone I know has been really understanding when I say I'm not feeling well (except maybe my ex who suggested it was all in my head). But it's days like this, when I've really had a hard time with it, that make me want to share my experiences.
If you get anything out of this post, just know that endo really sucks. And if you know someone who has it, maybe you'll have some compassion.
Luckily, everyone I know has been really understanding when I say I'm not feeling well (except maybe my ex who suggested it was all in my head). But it's days like this, when I've really had a hard time with it, that make me want to share my experiences.
20 comments:
That woman in the picture is full of crap and deceptively not full of water weight and dingy pajamas.
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I imagine that the insensitivity is why the ex is an ex.
I laughed so hard at the "my liver is screwed" comment because I just told my husband that two days ago! Sorry your having a crappy time with it, I've been dealing with it for almost 7 years now :(
Girrrl. We gotta get you to guest post on Tired & Stuck! And: fuck your endometriosis and the horse it rode in on!!
I'm sorry you are feeling bad honey. Endometriosis sucks! You know my sis has had it for years. I'm gonna share this with my sis because I know she will laugh about this. Even in your pain you are hilarious. I hope u feel better & hope to see you soon!
Drugs. Lots of drugs. And hopefully you get pregnant soon so you can replace horrible pain for constant puking. And then horrible pain. I like to think positive.
Heavy shit, man. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I remember my mom (who birthed 2 babies!) dealing with endo for years before she finally got her lady parts removed, so I've been witness to the misery. Obviously that doesn't compare to experiencing the misery first-hand, but... you have my sympathy. For what it's worth, a 40% chance of infertility means a 60% chance of fertility, right...? Honestly, I'd seek a second opinion. I don't know who your doctor is, but I'm pretty sure there are more options available to you.
I'm sure the last thing you want is advice right now, but would you be open to any "alternative" therapies? I know of a holistic fertility specialist who sees lots of cases like yours with great results. By great results, I mean BABIES. His practice is right above my old salon:
http://www.westlakecomplementarymedicine.com/index.html
This post is just making me sigh deeply. That really sucks. As a gal who doesn't generally have cramps this stuff makes me feel so bad.
At least you have some pain medication.
You totally need to write for Tired and Stuck.
And you're totally right, those genes are way to cute not to reproduce. SQUEE!
Hope you feel better soon.
*Cyber hugs*
Having a disagreeable body blows. Big time blows. Blows donkeys n stuff.
Glad you're sharing though. People should know. And feel free to post your ex's address so we can mail him dog turds.
Girl, I just want to gather all of the cookies and present them to you. With and army of unicorns. And rainbows.
I have woman parts that appear to hate me for no good reason, too, though my thing is PCOS. I don't get the pains, but that whole "not being able to have kids" thing scares me bad.
Your genes must be passed on! Darwin would agree.
Lor
That does sound like pain in the ass. Literally AND figuratively. I'm sorry lady.
I'm sorry you have endometriosis and have to be in such pain :/ While I don't have endometriosis, I do know how awful it is to jump through hoops to have a baby and watch everyone get pregnant, especially by accident, and breeze right through the whole thing...Hang in there lady :)
my friend Rosie has this. I see her pain once a month when her "ovaries" hurt. her words not mine.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Endo is total sucko. And dealing with infertility is like a giant bitch slap on top of it all. Awful. You know I'm here if you need to talk, vent, rant, whine, complain, scream, cry, etc. Love ya girlie.
That's horrible. It truly is. Even though I'm not a cuddly person I'd hug you right now if I could. I have a history of cysts on my ovaries and while they are definitely no endometriosis, they weren't a walk in the park. That scraping on the inside feeling is very familiar.
And I'm with you... all these accidental pregnancies are pissing me off something fierce!!! And next month I turn 35. TICK freaking TOCK.
I'm so sorry. That sounds like hell. Sending you giant hugs - these are the best because we don't have to touch each other while you're writhing in pain.
And yes, you are too cute to not procreate.
I thought a long time about whether or not to post this comment because I wasn't sure if it would come off the way I intend it, but ... you can always delete it. :)
I have endometriosis too, and I turned out to be reasonably fertile. You never know. AND, I totally agree about women who seem to get pregnant like it ain't no thang or the ones who are like OMG, we were not planning on this. It killed me while I thought I would never get pregnant, and it kills me even now. I know I've been knocked up twice, so I should shut up, but I know how hard it is. I was off birth control for a LONG time before we got pregnant, and you get to a point where it gets so hard you feel like it will never happen. But it might. You never can tell. Smooches.
Hi fellow endo sufferer,
I have been in that space where you are and all I can say - hey at least you have a sense of humour about it all!
I went down the natural path about 2years ago and it did wonders for my pain levels and yes, my liver is thanking me for it too :)
If you want to try something different that doesn't involve the contraceptive pill, hormone treatments or cutting all your bits out - check out my blog www.cureendometriosis.com.
Even if it just reduces your symptoms, it will help.
Hugs and hope you feel better!
Melissa
I'm just going through and re-reading all of your comments on this endo post I did...
Thank you so much. I don't usually write about my experiences with endometriosis because 1. I don't like to be a downer, and 2. I don't want a pity party.
But it means a lot to know that people are interested in what I have to say, whether it affects them or not.
Thanks for letting me vent about this stupid shit going on in my body. And thanks for being supportive and sending nice comments.
You guys are all great. <3
Fav comment awards go to:
SERIAL MONOGAMIST: "And feel free to post your ex's address so we can mail him dog turds."
SIMONE SAYS: "Sending you giant hugs - these are the best because we don't have to touch each other"
VERONICA MD: for sharing her experiences too.
*hugs*
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