One day (when I'm even more rich and famous than I am today) you will read this blog entry and all of the mysteries of the world will be solved. I'm going to tell you a little story of how your parents met and you're going to enjoy it.
These were high school days. Your dad did all this rock band stuff (like REAL rock bands, none of this video game bullshit). Your mom was a beautiful little ballerina. They were seemingly in two different worlds. But then one day, they sat next to each other in the cafeteria (probably eating cheeseburgers or pizza because those were the only acceptable items on the menu), and there was a spark. Cupid was there and he punched your parents in the guts and said "Look fools, maybe it's not going to happen right now, but you're gonna fall in love. Mark my words." And low and behold, ten years later they had a beautiful dreamy wedding.
Fast forward two years, and here we are. You are going to be here in T-minus 4 weeks (or maybe less, I'm not really good with the numbers). Lots of people are essited to meet you and everyone knows you will put those celeb crybabies like Kingston Rossdale and Levi McConaughey to shame.
Alright, that's enough of that, baby. Now onto my gifts.
(The name is blacked out to protect the innocent. I don't want the little tyke getting mobbed by all my fandom.)
As soon as I laid my bedroom eyes on these two items I just KNEW they would be perfect for you. And if your mom and dad have any doubts, they can give them back to me and I will use them for my own personal enjoyment/ doodling purposes.
Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Nirvana. If this isn't that raddest baby gift, I don't know what the fuck is. You can preview the songs here. They're actually pretty hard to recognize, but I guess that's what happens when you play grunge with harps and bells. (Ok, honestly, the more I listen to the previews, the more I just want to buy this CD for myself.)
So baby LRAB, I don't want to hear "Auntie TILTE, tell me the story about how my mommy and daddy met agaaaaaaain..." because I won't do it. Instead, I will sit you down in front of the computer (like any respectable babysitter would do) and direct you to my blog. Partly because I lay it all out for you right here. And also partly because I like to get hits on my widgit.
See you soon, babeh.