7.27.2010

Dear Rachel and Baltazar's Baby: You Are Going to be a Star.

This entry is dedicated to my new favorite baby on the block, LittleRachelAndBaltazar (LRAB for short) who's so fucking hipster, he listens to bands you haven't heard of and HE.HASN'T.EVEN.BEEN.BORN.YET.

Dear LRAB,

One day (when I'm even more rich and famous than I am today) you will read this blog entry and all of the mysteries of the world will be solved. I'm going to tell you a little story of how your parents met and you're going to enjoy it.

These were high school days. Your dad did all this rock band stuff (like REAL rock bands, none of this video game bullshit). Your mom was a beautiful little ballerina. They were seemingly in two different worlds. But then one day, they sat next to each other in the cafeteria (probably eating cheeseburgers or pizza because those were the only acceptable items on the menu), and there was a spark. Cupid was there and he punched your parents in the guts and said "Look fools, maybe it's not going to happen right now, but you're gonna fall in love. Mark my words." And low and behold, ten years later they had a beautiful dreamy wedding.

Fast forward two years, and here we are. You are going to be here in T-minus 4 weeks (or maybe less, I'm not really good with the numbers). Lots of people are essited to meet you and everyone knows you will put those celeb crybabies like Kingston Rossdale and Levi McConaughey to shame.

Alright, that's enough of that, baby. Now onto my gifts.

(The name is blacked out to protect the innocent. I don't want the little tyke getting mobbed by all my fandom.)

As soon as I laid my bedroom eyes on these two items I just KNEW they would be perfect for you. And if your mom and dad have any doubts, they can give them back to me and I will use them for my own personal enjoyment/ doodling purposes.

A "Baby's Firsts" memory book for modern parents. Cool, totally useable and definitely fun to look back years from now and see when you first pooped your pantalones.

Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Nirvana. If this isn't that raddest baby gift, I don't know what the fuck is. You can preview the songs here. They're actually pretty hard to recognize, but I guess that's what happens when you play grunge with harps and bells. (Ok, honestly, the more I listen to the previews, the more I just want to buy this CD for myself.)

So baby LRAB, I don't want to hear "Auntie TILTE, tell me the story about how my mommy and daddy met agaaaaaaain..." because I won't do it. Instead, I will sit you down in front of the computer (like any respectable babysitter would do) and direct you to my blog. Partly because I lay it all out for you right here. And also partly because I like to get hits on my widgit.

See you soon, babeh.

14 comments:

Junket said...

Awww..you're the best Auntie TILTE ever. Will you buy Nirvana for my baby too?

Kim said...

A.) that is a BEE-U-Tiful wedding picture and they look like lovely people who will make lovely parents

B.) I have no aunts or uncles, can I adopt you? I know it's a few years late, but I'm totally up for filling the Baby's First Tattoo book if you are.

Jessica said...

You crack me up. I love the gifts!

Megs said...

Those are the awesomest baby gifts ever, and I want Nirvana lullabies for myself. You know, for the baby I may or may not have at some point in the undetermined future.

Sara Louise said...

You're going to be a great Auntie :-)

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

JUNKS- i will totally buy Nirvana for your kid. i want any kid who has the possibility of being graced by my presents (YouSeeWhatIDidThur?) to be just as rad as me.

KIM- thank you. they totally are a beautiful couple and will be ridiculously cool parents. i'm also going to say yes to the adoption question. i think it will be just as interesting to make note of "first spit up" and "first lost tooth", except they're going to be based not so much on baby milestones as they will be on drinking nights gone wrong.

JESSICA- thanks! they're super cool gifts, aren't they?!?!

MEGZ- i'm with you on the children that may or may not be in our future. let's just buy the cd's for ourselves and taking turns rocking each other like babies.

SARA- i feel like i may have mislead my dear friends. i'm not technically going to be his aunt. i'm more like a life-long-friend-of-mom-and-dad. but he can call me auntie TILTE. he can also call me heidi klum. i'm ok with either, actually.

Elizabeth said...

dude, you have to get the cd for my birthday. for some reason i don't remember you being this cool when your actualy niece and nephews were born, but you can make it up to ME!

RN Mama said...

This post was so surprisingly sweet! Just when I thought it was getting a little too sappy you did throw "fuck" in there, so that makes it all better:)

I love your gifts, you are going to be an awesome auntie!

Elizabeth said...

you have no idea how awesome she is. she could beat my kids and they still want to spend time with her. i hate her....

Fake Concerns said...

CD? that will probably be the only music that baby H***rto will ever own that doesn't have ".AAC" or ".Mp3" after each song title. (via bit torrent leaks)

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

Fake Liar- don't pretend like you know his name.

Wombat Central said...

Where was the cool Nirvana CD when mah babehs were tiny? Great gifts!

Gave you an award on my blog...

Ally said...

Can I just say, how cool are you? Seriously. You rule! I love this!

mina2 said...

nate read your blog with a single tear and a cotton candy mullet.

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