I Should Know Better Than to Trust Rachael Ray

Last weekend I was watching an episode of 30 Minute Meals and Rachael made a recipe that looked not only tasty, but easy and foolproof. Since my husband is THE pickiest eater on the face of this planet, or any other planet for that matter, finding new acceptable meals is a nearly impossible task. This recipe in particular was for lamb shish kabobs, but Rach said you could switch out the lamb with chicken. Hm... Keith loves the chicken kabobs from Daphne's... maybe he will also love the chicken kabobs from our kitchen! My baboon heart began to flutter in anticipation of being able to cook a meal that would not result in Keith 1. grumbling, 2. stomping his feet, 3. moving back to England.

I followed the recipe to a T, except instead of making kabobs, lemon-olive couscous, and yogurt sauce in 30 minutes, I only made kabobs and it took me like 1.5 hours. Now friends, I'm going to share with you a little secret of mine. I'm a bad cook. Something always goes wrong and ruins my honest efforts to make a decent, edible meal. So long story short, this meal was no better than the others. A sign of things to come was when I asked Keith how long I should cook each side of the kabobs if I want them to be medium-rare (like the recipe states). Keith looked at me blankly for half a millisecond before saying "You can't eat chicken medium-rare, you'll get sick." I quickly explained that I was just following the recipe- which was technically using pork, in which case it would be totally acceptable to cook it medium-rare. Well, turns out I actually did undercook it because when i pulled the little chicken squares off the skewers, they were all still raw along the sides. Effffff. I was not having any part in this raw chicken business and no Salmonella was going to ruin my dinner. We put the chicken squares back on the grill to finish off the cooking.

Keith did not want to be the first one to taste death, so he waited for me to eat one so he could see my reaction. To my surprise, they were actually pretty good. They were really flavorful, which I expected based on the seasonings involved. Keith ate a few chickens, but kinda lost his appetite by inspecting every little spot of each bite to make sure it was full cooked. As my side dish, I made Rice Pilaf. And burnt it.

If you decide to try out this recipe, make sure to throw away every item you've used to cook it because there are some intense spices involved. I forgot to scrub the grill after I used it and the next morning the house smelled like I had fallen asleep in Saddam Hussein's armpit.

Happy Cooking!

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Birthdays, Babies, and Beer.

Hello, friends! I had a super busy explosion extravaganza weekend with about a million pix to post. I mean, there are no celebs, or fireworks, or Michael Jackson impersonators, so don't get your hopes up. But it was busy for me and I made sure to document every breathing moment (Keith: "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE A PICTURE OF EVERYTHING YOU DO" Me: "YES I DO- MY FANS LOVE ME- THEY NEED PICTURES!!!").

Friday night I made coooooookies and they were delishface.

Usually, my oven likes to be a real asshole and burn everything I make. However, I pulled a switcharoo on this mofo and set the temp lower than it was supposed to be. (I got your number, oven...) And thanks to a secret Lawson recipe (Note: I am note actually a Lawson, I just steal their recipes), my chocolate chip cookies no longer come out like Dutch pancakes.

Saturday started out not so great because my stomach from hell was back. I was weak in the knees and it wasn't because I just fell in love. Thankfully, it perked up in time to go to my friend Hana's 30th birthday. She's pregnant so they opted for a low-key board game night at their house.
The birthday girl and her husband, Tom-Cruise-twin.

I brought Orange Chicken- thankfully Hana threw it together and dazzled my pants off by topping it with sesame seeds. Konichiwa, duuuuuudes!

There was also a berry cheesecake that was so good it's still making my mouth water. (I just wasted 15 minutes staring at this picture.)

And just in case you weren't there, here's a recap of the night's events...

"Friends! Hello! It's great to see you!"


"Time for pictures where I show my hundreds of shark teeth!"



"Hey guys, um... I'll catch up with you later. I'm just gonna hang out here in the kitchen..."

The night ended with some vicious rounds of Pictionary. It was Battle of Sexes and the women Took.No.Prisoners. Sorry, guys. Maybe next time. We kicked butt with the following drawings:

Pastry Bag

King Kong


Dumbo

So that was my Saturday night. Sunday, Keith and I took the dogs for a walk somewhere in a hilly, bee-filled area of Chatsworth. It was nice to get out and enjoy the weather, but looking back, gladiator sandals probably wasn't one of my best decisions.

Here's Keith walking Biscuit and Kosmo. I love them like whoa. I was walking Biscuit at first, but my sandals did not have enough grip to handle that tornado. Tornado of love, that is.

On our way out of the park, I did my best Simba impersonation.

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Versailles

Wazzzzzzzzup! (I say this when I want to feel young and in touch with today's youth.)

It's Friday and it could not have come at a better time. I've had a lame stomach all week and have really been looking forward to a few days off. To start the weekend out right, Chrystal and I met up at a Cuban restaurant in Encino called Versailles. Warning: If you're going to try this place out, KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED because you will drive straight past this place and think I was lying to you and made it up. Friends, I would not do this to you. Chrystal and I know exactly where this place is and we still drive past it every time.

They have free parking, but it's limited. They also have valet, and if all else fails, there's plenty of metered parking all along Ventura Blvd. The inside of Versailles is brightly lit and and has a relaxed, friendly atmosphere. And they get a bonus point for bringing complimentary garlic bread right when you're seated. Chrystal and I both ordered sandwiches- mine steak, hers chicken- that came on cuban bread with lettuce, tomato and a side of fries.



This is a picture of Chrystal's sandwich, but mine looked exactly the same. Yes, it looks a little like it's been steamrolled, but that's just the Cuban way, ok? Chrystal said her sandwich was good and I agree, so was mine. The only downside was that the steak is a little tough. And by a little, I mean I was getting white knuckles trying to rip the sandwich from my mouth. But don't let that discourage you, it was still good and I would still go back. Mainly for this gem...

Oh.My.God.I.Love.These.Shakes.

Chrystal's guanabana shake is on the left and my mango shake is on the right. Seriously, the shakes make the trip worth it all on their own. Hm... Didn't I say the same thing about Taqueria Vallarta...? (Fruit Shake = Weak Spot.)

Worth Noting: The waiters wear Cuban style shirts like Ricky Ricardo style.

...And in Other Nonsense...

Does anyone watch Celebrity Apprentice? Does anyone else think Curtis Stone is a Curtis Stone-Cold-Fox? Because he totally is. Aside from making women all around the world fall in love with him on Celeb Apprentice, he makes women all around the world fall in love with him on TLC's The Take Home Chef. In case you've never seen it, he basically hangs out at grocery stores, approaches unsuspecting women who obviously look they've never cooked a day in their life (PICK ME, PICK ME.), and goes home with them to teach them how to cook a delicious, yet easy meal. (Run-on sentence, I'm aware.) Note to self: Start shopping at healthy/ fresh/ organic/ expensive/ fancypants grocery stores.

Oh hai.

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FREE STUFF ON CRAIGSLIST!!!

Today I decided to take a look at the free gems being given away on Craigslist L.A...

Absolutely nothing wrong with getting a free one of these on CL.

Always useful for storage.

Wait- do they realize Hugh Grant is in that...? This has to be a mistake.

WTF. Are they really giving this away? I seriously want this.

Starting a fraternity? You gotta have this.

Planning a road trip? Make sure you start here. (Where's Chrystal's cousin when I need her? She usually loves these things. For reals.)

Umm... Not the best advertising I've seen...

Are you tired of being charged for not rewinding your videos before returning them to Blockbuster? Me too!

For all the knitters up in the house!!

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Aye Dios Mio

These last few days have been a real doozie. Yesterday Keef and I got in a fight. Today, my sister and I got in a fight. Now I'm watching Intervention because I need some lolz (this is my fav Intervention vid). This crazy broad weighs only 92 LB's and she's talking about how disgusting and fat she is. And she's traumatized because someone called her a moron. Ok, I'm being insensitive, I realize this. I apologize to any of my new friends who may have an anorexia or bulemia. I'm not actually this dumb when it comes to les disorders d'eating. But seriously, I just really want some ice cream.

What's happened to me- I've totally lost track of my foodness. Let's get down to brass tactics: My food intake has been total shit lately. Well, I mean, shittier than usual. Thankfully, Keefy made me a big, fat, greaseball of a burger with oven chips and they were just what the doctor ordered. And by doctor, I mean belly. Sometimes I call my belly Doctor.


I know what you're thinking. YES, we're having burgers again. That's what life is like being married to a burgerholic. Had this been 2 years ago, I would have screamed and cried and taken 20 Nytols, but today the Doctor has to come to accept this unhealthy way of living. But to my credability, the burgers were served on Kaiser rolls and only had Lawry's seasoning salt, so they were like totally healthy burgers. And the oven chips were just a generic store brand because Keith is boycotting Ore-Ida. He thinks they suck. In my opinion, they all taste the same. These were ok, just needed more salt. Which reminds me, did anyone else see on MSN that the FDA is thinking of regulating salt? Salt. Salt. Ok, we're talking about SALT, right...? Seriously, are there people out there who need their salt regulated??? This news is blowing.my.mind right now...

Anyway, that's it for tonight, folks. Despite the hilarious comedic roll that I'm on, it's time for bed. And if I don't get enough sleep, people will fear the wrath and I will look like death.

Paaaaayce.

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Profile

I know this entry is majorly late, but please allow me to explain... I got lazy. Nobody was in the office on Friday, so I didn't bother to do my hair or makeup. Then I became temporarily paralyzed when Mother Nature came along and ruined my life. With that said, let's get this party started.

Friday night I met up for drinks with a couple friends at Profile in Woodland Hills. This place seems to have an identity disorder- the exterior looks like a cool lounge, the dining area looks stuffy and fancypants, and the bar seemed like a posh pub.

Since I only ordered one Boddington's, I don't have too much to say about this place. Danielle and Chrystal ordered a Grilled Flatbread with roasted peppers, onions, and feta cheese. It actually looked pretty good, like a gourmet pizza or something.

This is Danielle. She's blurry because there was alcohol involved.

Like I said, not much to report on Profile. I wasn't in love with this place and not sure if I would come back.

...In Other Nonsense...
Things I did this weekend:

-Cut my bangs and my mom said I looked like Cheryl Burke.


-Cleared out some stuff from my mom's house for our garage sale. (A few weeks ago I talked my neighbors into having a neighborhood garage sale and i'm hoping to make some big $$$$$ (at least $30)). While going through my closet I found the following items:

A six-pack of Stella.



MacAweenie and Cheese.

And a creepy doll.

Disclaimer: The Stella was a gift that I forgot about. I don't actually hide booze in my closet. The MacAweenie was a gag gift from my Bachelorette party. The creepy doll was mine- I'll probably end up keeping her.

Hope you had a good weekend!

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Blue Table

I've totally redeemed myself!!! Not only is today's entry chock full of pix, I have not one, but two SpEcIaL GuEsTs!!! First, introductions...


Everyone, this is cZimm. We work together. And eat together.


And this is Guy. We also work together. And eat together.

Today's lunch was at Blue Table thanks to cZimm's suggestion. And what a suggestion it was. This was just the all-natural, detox-from-deep-fryness my pores were begging for. BT has two locations, one in Agoura and one in Calabasas (which happens to be right next to a certain famous family's clothing store). It's a small, shabby chic kind of place with some wooden tables inside and bistro tables outside. They also sell cutesy kitchen items like teas, candies, and jams.

I ordered the Roasted Turkey Breast Sandwich which consisted of turkey, brie, arugula, roasted red peppers, and sun-dried tomato aioli all on ciabatta bread. OMG, this sandwich was SO good. I was pleasantly surprised when it showed up at my table and wasn't a big solid slab of turkey breast. I hate that. If I wanted a big fat chuck of turkey, I would have bought myself a Butterball. Instead, this was nice, thin slices of turkey, gooey bites of brie and just the right amount of aioli to soften up the ciabatta. I didn't really touch my salad because that's not how I roll. But if I had, I'm sure it would have been nice. I think my meal and strawberry lemonade came out to somewhere around $11.


cZimm's description of her sandwich:
" I got the Grilled Chicken Breast Sandwich with arugula, red peppers, and garlic aioli. It was delish! It was accompanied by a small salad. I think I ate a few leaves of my salad, but was much more interested in inhaling my sandwich. I had a blood orange sparkling soda, which the guy at the counter pointed out, "Oh, nice pairing." So I was excited to take a bite of my yummy sandwich and wash it down with my nicely-paired soda. I definitely would order this again, but I want to sample the rest of the sandwiches there first. Great place and good fun with friends!"

Guy ordered the Steak Sandwich, consisting of steak, sauteed mushrooms, and chimichurri sauce on a baguette. This is what Guy has to say about it:
"At first, I thought it was too small. But it actually filled me up. The steak was better than most and the chimichurri was awesome."

Overall, Blue Table was a smash hit and gets a whopping 5 out of 5 chins! Good work, BT. I forgot to mention, it's located right next to the Canyon Club so it's totally convenient for some totally cliche* entertainment .

And if you're looking for the perfect gift for your Italian friends, look no further...

*I love them with all my heart.

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Okay new friends, I'm gonna give it you straight: We had McDonald's for dinner. I know, I know, I can already hear you saying "We're still in week one and you're already having McDonald's??" This happened because A) Keith was picking up dinner on his way home, B) I was starving and desperate, and C) I don't get paid till Friday. To make up for this all American snoozefest, I will share all of my foods from today with you. Well, all except my breakfast. It was too early for cameras and thinking.

I worked from home today so I had the impossible task of looking for something to eat in my own kitchen. ...wtf? This is like getting blood from a stone.

My depressing lunch consisted of- wait for it.... a baked potato. -That I didn't even cook long enough so it was slightly crunchy. And despite the pounds of cheese/ butter/ salt/ pepper I dumped on top, it tasted like shaz. My suicidal potato was the worst meal ever and ruined my life.

I ended up throwing half of it away (The potato half, that is. Obviously the cheese was still totally edible.) and a couple hours later treated myself to my latest midday obsession: Butter pecan ice cream. Mmmm, I've had this treat almost every day for the past 2 weeks and the honeymoon is far from over with this dairy delight.

After all these sad foods, I was desperate for a dinner I could totally pig out on. Keith ended up bringing home Mcdizzle and eventhough it wasn't really that great, I didn't complain. I couldn't complain because I was busy inhaling my quarter pounder value meal.

So that was it for my day. Less than riviting, I know. But I'm hoping to have some more interesting lunches coming up in the next few days. Hint: I will have my first lunch guest! Exciting, isn't it?!?! I know, I'm the only one who's excited. I don't care.

...Time for some other nonsense...

Has anyone seen this show called Minute to Win It? Keith and I just watched it for the first time and it was total shit. Why is it that they always cast the most annoying assclowns to be contestants on every game show these days? Maybe it was the quarter pounder talking, but Keith and I ended up cheering on the contestant to actually hurt herself instead of to complete the task. Keith even said, "I wish she would twist her ankle." The saving grace of tonight's episode was a challenge called Bobblehead where the contestant had to clock over 125 motions on a pedometer that's placed around her head. I don't even want to link you to the M2WI website because then I would be racked with guilt for leading you to such garbage. However, I will lead you to a youtube of somebody demonstrating it in the comforts of their own home.

You can thank me later for that one.

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