The Time I Went to the Osbourne's House.

The title may be somewhat misleading as I never actually got INTO the Osbourne's house. But at least this way, readers who decide to skip reading my post will think I'm like *this* with celebs. It's a win-win.



Many years ago, when the Osbourne's still had their MTV reality show (2001ish?), I thought it would be cool to track down their house. The show always showed different clips of the exterior of the house, along with major street names in the general vicinity so I figured it was worth a shot. Worst case scenario, I spend a couple minutes driving through a bunch of million dollar mansions.

My friend, Hana, and I were living in Westwood at the time. We were on our way to Disco de Mayo, a 70's themed party at The Key Club in Hollywood. (Tight flare pants, polyester shirt and platforms were in full effect that night.) We were getting closer to the strip when I threw out the idea of looking for the house. I took a turn off Sunset onto another famous Beverly Hills street. We drove up the hill a couple blocks. We were looking left and right at each mansion that went by. And then I saw it...

The giant peach house...

The gate with the gargoyle heads...

I.SEE.THE.OSBOURNE'S.HOUSE.



It looked a lot smaller in person than it had on TV. Hana doubted me and said it wasn't the right house. I pointed out some key elements about the exterior and won the arguement. We decided to pull over and take a closer look. I parked across the street. Hana waited in the safety of my 1984 Volvo while I ventured into the unknown. I tiptoed halfway across the street when a voice came booming out through an intercom: "CAN I HELP YOU." Only the voice wasn't REALLY asking, like in a friendly customer service kind of "Can I help you?" way. It was kind of more along the lines of "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" I could tell this hidden troll-under-the-bridge security guard wasn't messing around, so I squeeked out "Uhhhhh, no! Thanks!", turned around, and continued tiptoing my platformed ass back to the car.

As Hana and I shit our flare pants and said a bunch of "OMG!!!" while we floored it out of there, we couldn't believe what had just happened. We had just found the Osbourne house.

And then we went to Disco de Mayo.

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Lots of Things That Have Nothing to Do With Each Other.

Once again, I've fallen behind on my blogging and now my head is full of mental sticky notes of things I wanted to blog about.

Welcome to all the Weedies visiting from Joshweed.com. If you've never been to his page, Josh's latest entry is about his recent run-in with a colonoscopy, which was not too dissimilar to my own experience. Josh was kind enough to send you new visitors to my page so we could all become acquainted with each other in a totally-acceptable-on-the-internet way, by talking about our buttholes. Nice to meet you. (BTW Josh, I'm glad your results came back negative. It would have been a real bummer if you'd discovered you have endometriosis too.)

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Things that bother me: Loud ass music blaring from cars. It doesn't matter whether it's rap, country, metal mania, or big-top-circus-style tejano. I don't want to hear your shitty music. I want to hear MY shitty music.

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Boyfriend, Pearl and I recently stayed with Boyfriend's sister for the weekend. She and her husband threw together this hearty and delicious breakfast that I'm pretty sure I had thirds and fourths of. If you're anything like me (lucky you), you like to strap on the old feedbag the morning after you've been out on a bender. And if so, this is just the meal to do it with.

Vicki's Hangover Scramble (I took the liberty of naming it myself.)

Ingredients:
-Eggs
-Cheese
-Bacon
-Frozen hash browns potatoes
-Bell Peppers
-Onion

Directions:
Cut bacon into bite sized pieces and cook. In a separate skillet, brown potatoes. Add julienne peppers and dice onions. If you want to save yourself some time, just use the Ore-Ida hash browns that come with potatoes and onion already mixed in. So basically, this is where things get dicey. I'm not sure if Vicki scrambled her eggs in a third skillet or just mixed them straight into the potatoes. I'm going to say just add them to the potatoes. And throw the bacon on top. And also, feel free to add any leftover meat from dinner the night before (she added kielbasa). Heat until cooked. Then eat the shit out of it.


Boner'ppetite.

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Remember my last entry- the one on the royal wedding? Well, it looks like I did such a fab job on my wedding fashion recap that people from all over the world started visiting my page. That's right, I'm big time now. I got a whopping 316 pageviews for that one entry (of which I'm still getting as we speak), 193 of those being unique views. And as if that weren't enough, the average time spent on that post was 2:14. That means people were actually REEEEADING and looking at shit on my page. I know to most of you all that shit above makes no sense. But to a techie blognerd like me, it means a lot. Ahhh, I'm so proud of myself. Nevermind that I didn't get any new followers or even one comment from a new visitor. I'll save that rant for another day.

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I posted this morning at Sprocket Ink. You can check it out HEEERE. Usually my Sprocket Ink posts are more about current events and less about my life and shit. However, today's post DOES have something to do with food... Two birds, one stone.

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Also, if you haven't joined my Facebook group yet, what are you waiting for?? I'll even make it easy for you- JUST.CLICK.HERE. Thanks! Seriously.

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What They Wore: Royal Wedding Edition.

Last night I found myself very interested in the nuptuals of William and Kate. And since I spent some time living in London, and even found myself married a Brit one time, I took the liberty of making myself an official style correspondent on the royal wedding.

Posh and Becks. Posh has her happy face on.



Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, donning a hat that only draws attention straight to her trainwreck of a nose. (If you think I'm exagerrating, click HEEERE).



Sir Elton John.

Although I really wish he would have gone with something from this collection instead:

It's a timeless look, really.


Queenie opted for the rarely seen "smile".



Camilla being cute as a button.



Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie with some crazy shit on their heads.



Carole Middleton. A lovely mum.



Kate's sister Pippa. There's not much I can say about this outfit because she looks great. However, some people are all worked up over it because she wore white. Whatever. If this outfit was really considered inappropriate, the shitload of royal advisors probably would have mentioned it somewhere along the way.



Wills and Harr-Bear doing the whole "royal" thing.



And of course, the real deal Holyfield, Kate Middleton wearing a beautiful Sarah Burton gown.







This little girl is clearly the star of the show.


Congrats, William and Kate!

But seriously... "...for richer or poorer"...?

On what planet are these two ever going to be poor...? Come on.

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Alright, I'm Back to Talking About Food. Also Known as: No More Butt Talk.

Before we get to the real deal Holyfield...

Remember that social networking/ blogging site I told you about, Studio30Plus?? They asked me to be a guest writer for their blog magazine. (Looks like all those colonoscopies are finally paying off, amirite??) Check it out here.

As I was saying...

I'm sure I've bragged mentioned it before, but I spent a short time living in London a few years back. It was through the Bunac program and although it was hard being away from all my friends and family, it was a GREAT experience. I met some really cool people that I'm still friends with today (and one not so cool person who won't lose my number- Michael, I'm talking to you) and we usually meet up a few times a year.

Since we all became spoiled when it comes to tea (Thank you Savoy and Ritz Carlton), we always meet up for an Afternoon Tea. This time we tried a tea room we've never been to before: Royal-T in Culver City.

This place has an industrial feel to it- raised ceilings, exposed ductwork, cement flooring. The front section is more like an art studio-slash-gift shop. This area alone gives Royal-T some major street cred.

The view when you first walk in.

In the art studio area...


A section devoted to everything Barbie. :::Droooooool:::


Mini chandeliers.


My FAVORITE item in the shop: The Little Wanderer by Yoshitomo Nara. It has wheels underneath and when you drag it backwards, it winds up and wobbles across the floor. :::Mega drooooools:::

Some art pieces on the way to the dining area.

The crowning glory at Royal-T???

All the waitresses are super Asian (and by "super Asian", I mean beautiful and courteous and have tiny voices). Their uniforms look like Alice in Wonderland had a baby with Flo from Mel's Diner and that baby decided to move into Anime land. These girls are seriously cute and immediately I pretended I was super Asian just like them.

Royal-T offer about 10-12 teas to choose from. I ordered their namesake, the Royal Tea, which was basically a sweetened black tea steeped in milk.

I've never been a plain tea/ plain coffee drinker, so I had a feeling I was going to like this little diddy. Well let me tell you, my tea was fucking delightful. I ended up drinking nearly the whole pot by the end of my visit. Now, if you're not one for cream and sugar and bells and whistles, this may not be the right one for you. But if you're like me and try to make everything taste like candy, this drink is the perfect choice.

The High Tea (This is totally a misnomer based on some quick internet research I conducted. It should definitely be called the Afternoon Tea.) consisted of four finger sandwiches, a slider, and some mini desserts. I substituted an extra egg salad and curry chicken salad sandwiches instead of the lox and seared tuna because those raw fishes make me nervous. I wasn't crazy about the curry chicken mostly because I didn't know ahead of time it was going to be a CURRY chicken salad (the waitress only called it "chicken salad"). And the egg salad wasn't much better- it had almost no flavor at all. BUT! The kobe slider was SO good, it almost completely made up for the duds in the sandwich department.

The portions seemed tiny. Surprisingly though, they got the job done and I didn't even eat all of my meal.

One of the desserts was this brown spongey thing. I had a few bites and really liked it. My mouth couldn't put it's finger on where I knew the flavor from, but I still knew that I liked it. My friend Tricia said it was a Green Tea Flan. Hm. Interesting. Not something I would have ordered on my own, but it was good nonetheless.

(I have lazy eyeballs. I already know.)

On our way out, we spotted an exhibit based on Warhol photos.



Guests were encouraged to go into the photobooth, attach one of their photos from their photobooth strip to an index card, and clip onto a prehung string for all future patrons to see. Well, since the camera loves me (naturally), we were all over that shit.

Ta-da!

Also important to note: Royal-T is available as a rental space. (Click here and watch the video to see what this place is really about.). If anyone plans on throwing a party here, I'm totally available.

Overall, a great experience at Royal-T, but mostly because of the art scene and novelty of coolness. I would give this place 3.5 out of 5 chins.

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Weekend Recap.

Cheese fries and burger courtesy of The Counter. If you've never been there, and you love a good burger, THIS is the place to go. They give you a checklist (as seen below) and you get to create the meaty masterpiece of your dreams. They even have a non-meat patty option for you vegetarians. (Vegetarians??? WTF is a vegetarian anyway??? It must be a mythical creature, like Yeti or Falcor the flying dog from The Neverending Story, I'm sure.)

This is my signature item. And by signature item, I mean I've ordered it twice. But trust me friends, it gets exponentially better each time I try it. (Which would make this past visit twice as good as the time before). (TILTE = a wiz with the numbers)

1/3 lb turkey burger, on a bun, imported swiss, organic mixed greens, sprouts, avocado, and tzatziki sauce. (MmmMmMmM.... your mouth and guts are going to thank me for this, I guarantee it.)

Pros for eating at The Counter: They serve beer. They play great music (Ahem... Duran Duran and Billy Idol. I think I've said enough, AMIRIGHT.) The staff is always friendly. Did I mention you CREATE YOUR OWN BURGER???

Cons for eating at the counter: None.

ENOUGH SAID.

So, despite none of you asking because all of you have been hounding me about Pimm's Cup, here it is, in all it's liquory glory.

Here's the story with Pimm's, according to viewlondon.co.uk:

"Nothing beats a glass of Pimms on a summer’s day. The British beverage is almost as much a tradition as the cup of tea, and the British down the gin-based drink by the gallon during the summer months.

History of Pimms
Rewind back to a London oyster bar in the 1840s where owner James Pimm invented the thirst-quencher. Using gin, quinine and a secret mixture of herbs, good old Pimm served up the brew as an aid to digestion, dishing it out in a small tankard and the No. 1 Cup moniker was born. "
(For more info and recipes, go HERE.)

It's the official drink of Wimbeldon. And since people always mistake me for Pete Sampras Anna Kournikova, it's like it was practically made just for me.

Pimm's #1 can be rather tricky to find (unless you live in the U.K., in which case disregard this part)- I found mine at BevMo. Happy drinking, mates.

And because no entry would be complete without dessert, Piiiiinkberrrrrrry.


I went with the seasonal mango yogurt, topped with mango and blueberries. :::fresh fruit droooool::: Pinkberry is the best frozen yogurt ever invented, FACT. It's not all fucking milked out like Marble Slab or Cold Stone. (I hate those places.) Instead, it's just the right combination of creamy, but light, and a little sweet/ tart. Plus, it has Live and Active Cultures, as recommended by the National Yogurt Association. See??? My doctors are practically TELLING me to eat it.

That's it for now. I will leave you with a parting gift: Bike Cozy, anyone??

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Beans on Toast

My dearest of dear internet friends, I'm going to share with you a secret family recipe that only a few special family members know about. And by "a few special family members", I actually mean everyone in the United Kingdom and Australia. And probably New Zealand, South Africa, and Canada too.

Beans on Toast. Yes, you read correctly. BEANS.ON.MUTHA.FUGGIN.TOAST.

Here in the southern Californias, beans are best saved for rice and burritos and even sometimes barbeques (Correction: This originally said teriyaki bowls until I woke up this morning and realized I was half asleep when I typed this out last night. Clearly beans do NOT go with teriyaki bowls.). But in those fancy British colonies, they serve beans on toast and eat it as a breakfast meal. I know- it's so crazy, right?!?! So, here's what you'll need:

-Heinz Baked Beans. It's very important that you go with Heinz because this is the brand they use in real life England. And because they're the best. They're not all sugary sweet like those other stupid brands that make my mouth water in a gross about-to-vom kind of way. Heinz can be found at local British shops, CostPlus World Market, and word on the street is, you can even find them once in a while at the dollar store. But act quickly, because I'm sure the ex-pats receive immediate notice when they're in stock.

-Cheddar cheese.

-Butter.

-White bread.

Sooooo, basically you're going to want to toast your bread. And get some butter on there too while you're at it. As you can tell, I didn't put too much on mine. Because I'm on a diet.

Grate a whole shitload of cheese and put it to the side. Then get your beans in a pot and heat those badboys up. Throw like a handful of cheese up in the mix. It will make them extra tastey and your intestines will thank you later for it.

When the cheesey beans are nice and bubbly, spoon them onto your diet buttered toast. Lastly, top with more grated cheese. You know, for good measure.

I know I already lost some of you way back up there when I first said beans on toast, but if you've lasted this long, it is well worth your interest to try this little diddy out. It's actually really delicious and totally filling. Also, I've heard beans on toast is responsible for smart British accents and calling restrooms "loos". I cannot be held responsible if this happens to you.

Happy Beaning.

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Weekend Recap!

Friday night my good mate* Michael came up from San Diego. I made my world famous Nascar-crockpot-chicken-n-potatoes (Side note: I doubled the spices and Italian dressing- it was much better). Unfortunately, I got a liiiiiiiittle bit of a late start on it, so dinner was actually served at 10pm. (That's how I roll- take it or leave it.) We each had a margarita with our dinner and ended up wizzasted before we'd even put our dishes in the sink. This may have been a recipe for disaster until my two canine monsters went all Michael Vick on each other and totally killed our 'rita buzz.

Our first stop was The Roger Room in Hollywood. This was a recommendation from a dear friend who sold me on it by stating everyone in there reminded him of me. Well, if you know me at all, you know the way to my heart is by sending me to a room full of TILTE clones.

I'd seen a few reviews online that said it's a tricky place to find. It's located on La Cienega, between Melrose and Beverly. You'll know you've arrived when you see the giant neon palm reader hand illuminating the voodoo priestess shop next door. The location itself is a plain, black door with the number 370 over it. I had no idea what to expect from this place.

Upon entering, I saw that it was clearly an LA hotspot because this tiny British shoebox was jampacked. I also learned that my friend who recommended this place clearly thinks I'm a lot cooler than I really am because everyone in there looked like a hipster version of The Hills. Michael and I totally lucked out because we spotted two open stools at the bar and quickly staked our claim.

The ceilings in the RR seemed low and it's pretty dark inside- feels a little like you're in the cabin of a boat. The bartenders all wear old fashioned vests and ties and there's a lot of hustle-bustle noise. It definitely had a vibe like this. We both made the mistake of ordering our "usuals"- Amaretto Sour and Vodka Tonic- before looking at the drink menu. BAD MOVE. From what I could see (the lights are very dim), they have lots of interesting specialties. One girl next to us got a drink that was topped with cucumber eggwhite foam. And the first drink on the menu was called The Pash (English slang- The Kiss). Aaaaaand, they even serve Pimms Cup!!!! If you've never had Pimm's Cup, the recipe consists of Pimms No.1, lemon-lime soda, a slice of orange, a slice of cucumber, and some mint. It's the official drink of Wimbeldon, and if it's good enough for Bjorn Borg, it's good enough for me.

I didn't try Michael's drink, so I can only speak for myself when I say THE.AMARETTO.SOUR.WAS.NOT.GOOD. It was waaaaay too sweet and tasted like I was drinking Tootsie Roll juice. But they did put a cool mixer in my drink that looked ezzactly like a dental mirror.
Like I said before, big mistake not going with one of their signature items. And the drinks were on the pricey side- $21 for two drinks. Now here's the question... Would I go back again...?

Yes because if anyone wants to be a hipster version of The Hills, it's me.

From there, we headed over to my faaaaaav place, Beauty Bar (if you click on that link, I suggest turning your volume down- for some reason their music is always blasting). According to their calendar, we were there for "DJ Evil One, spinning rock, pop, disco, hip hop, electro and classics". Whatever it was, it was all over the place. It wasn't their best night, but it definitely wasn't their worst. Worth Noting: Take cash unless you plan on having multiple drinks. The drinks are cheap and the credit card minimum is $15.

I love this pic because it looks like we're at some cheapo club in Mexico. Wrong. We're at some cheapo club in Hollywood.

I don't know who this girl is, but I told her to smile and she did. Two thumbs up in my book.

That guy making the face was starting to brawl with some other dude- he was yelling "YOUR GIRL HAS BIGGER BALLS THAN YOU!" Apparently, I thought that was especially funny.

Michael at his finest: Hanging out near the grilled weenies.

Saturday, we made breakfast. This was my first time making turkey bacon and I decided to go with Butterball brand. I've recently discovered I love turkey bacon- love the taste and the fact that my chin doesn't instantly erupt into 500 zits like it does with regular bacon. Anyway, we pretty much annihilated it in the frying pan, turning into a volcanic magma strip of coal. I ended up giving it a go again on Sunday morning and it came out muuuuuch better.

We spent the day doing vigorous laps in the pool. And by vigorous laps, I mean we beached ourselves on the steps and never moved.

Michael's glorious entry:

My glorious entry:

All in all, another great weekend.

*Michael, I only referred to you as "my good mate" for the purposes of this blog. In reality, I still hate you and hope you choke on your bean burrito.

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