I'm Complaining.

Let's get down to business: I'm going to complain about my life. 

"What is there to complain about?" you might say.

Allow me to refresh your memory...

Within the past few months:

-I was going through a ton of pain on a regular basis. Turns out, there were plenty of good reasons for being in pain. Basically, endometriosis sank my colon and the Titanic.

-I've had to face the facts that I might not be able to have kids. Something that I probably would have been cool with in my twenties. But now, in my thirties? When everyone around me is slowly, but surely passing me by? It's a different story. And if you're even thinking about making a comment like "Just keep trying!" or "Enjoy the freedom while you have it!", I strongly suggest you keep it to yourself.

-I had major surgery that left me on medical leave for six weeks. Long story short, it takes a surprising amount of time for a bowel resection to heal. Also, I'm single-handedly keeping the stool softener business alive.

-The state of California put an auditing hold on my disability pay due to a "clerical error" made by a previous employer (and anyone who knows that employer, knows what a tax-evading cheat he was, making this delay all the more rage inducing). Which is four weeks of pay I still haven't received.

-Three days after I went back to work, I got laid off. My second time within the year.

-I have no health insurance. Unless I can manage to magically spin gold out of split ends and pay $500/ month for COBRA coverage. Which obviously I don't have because I'M UNEMPLOYED. So, fingers crossed I don't have any (more) issues with the monsters inside me.

-I've applied for over 27 positions within the past 16 days. Not one interview.

-Unemployment pay hasn't made its way to my house yet either. I'm sure there will be a delay with that, too, due to the same error mentioned above. 

-I have medical bills rolling in like Hurricane Katrina. Big ones. Like the kind you have nightmares about, that chase you with venomous teeth and bloodshot eyes and corporate suits. 

...And since we're on the complain-train, I haven't taken a vacation in a LONG time. And the last "vacation" I took was just a weekend in Las Vegas. As in, the place where people go all the time without even needing to save up any money first. 

It really sets my hair ablaze to think that most people my age are either taking the "family" route or the "living lavishly" route, and I'm doing neither. Not by choice. Don't even get me started on those that can afford to do both.

I'm about this close to losing my shit, like Clark W. Griswold when he got his Jelly of the Month bonus.


Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

There is nothing I can say but we're here. Vent all you need.

erin said...

You might lose it for awhile but generally it sounds to me like your shit is straight (no pun intended) and you've got a beautiful mind and spirit.

Bla, bla, bla, having no money fucking sucks asshole. I know this because I am supporting six people on my translator's salary alone when I used to be a carefree stay at home mom and 'freelance' writer. Fuck life yo.

Mandy_Fish said...

I think you're entitled to a brief bitch fest. If it goes on too long, we'll all be here to bitch slap you.

*Hugs not drugs*

Veronica M. D. said...

:( :( :(

You have reason to complain, to be sure. I hope the venting helped a tiny bit. If not, do more of it. :) Your loyal followers are here to listen.

I've also been meaning to thank you for your sweet offer to let me vent via email with you. When Genevieve gets through this illness, maybe I will be able to put her down and have both hands to type with. Until then, anything longer than a tweet takes days to type. I'll shoot your offer back at you -- shoot me an email and we can mope together.

Smooches, gal pal.

Veronica M. D. said...

Oh, also, love the image you left us with in that closing line. :)

Deborah said...


I hug you, hard.

I too am enjoying thinking about Clark W. Griswold losing his shit. Best.scene.ever.

Smooches little girl.

Logical Libby said...

I think you have a right to bitch. And remember, it usually takes ten days for employers to go through applications and make calls.

Something's coming. Something good.

MRanthrope said...

bummer. major bummer. As of now, I'm underemployed, lacking health insurance, and often contemplate buying bullets/renting a gun Griswold style myself. The uncertainty with job hunting, financial woes, it can literally drive a person mad so I'd say you earned this little "complaining post."

I say, just watch The Big Lebowski a few times in a row til, "Fuck it, lets go bowling" becomes your new mantra.

*Side note*
I had throat surgery two years ago weeks before I lost my health insurance. I would have been royally fucked but dodged a major nightmare just in time (hell, it felt like bullet time). Hope your medical woes are all officially behind you.

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