No, I'm not talking about Macho Man Randy Savage, although that was big news too.
Apparently, tomorrow is supposed to be the end of the world.
So, I guess that means I should come clean with all the horrible things I've done in my life. You know, just to ensure my cozy spot in Heaven, next to the Golden Girls and Joan Rivers (What do you mean, she's not dead...?)
Let the confessions commence...
One time, I may or may not have stolen Barbie clothes from my best friend.
One time, I may or not have told my mom I hated her because she made me take swimming lessons.
One time, I may or may not have almost strangled a cat to death when I put a makeshift collar (see: Hair tie) around it's neck because I loved it so much and wanted to make it mine.
One time, I may or may not have broken up with a guy because he didn't eat as much as me.
One time, I may or may not have lied to my boss about why I would be missing work, explaining that someone had purchased a Contiki vacation for me as a gift without checking my work schedule, when I had actually purchased it myself.
Fhew! That felt great. That's about it for my confessions. If there's anything you'd like to get off your chest before the big day arrives, feel free to leave in the comments below. We're all friends here, no judgies.
Until the rapture makes its big debut, I can be found eating my weight's worth in Pringles and White Russians. And probably hanging out with my two favorite brothers, Mario and Luigi. (Also known as my "Friday Night Special".)
In related news- I'm really hoping it's not going to be the end of the world tomorrow because I just paid my car registration this week and if it turns out I wasted that $250, I'm going to be pissed.