The Rapture: It's Coming, Y'all.

Has everyone heard the big news?

No, I'm not talking about Macho Man Randy Savage, although that was big news too.

Apparently, tomorrow is supposed to be the end of the world.

For reals.

So, I guess that means I should come clean with all the horrible things I've done in my life. You know, just to ensure my cozy spot in Heaven, next to the Golden Girls and Joan Rivers (What do you mean, she's not dead...?)

Let the confessions commence...

One time, I may or may not have stolen Barbie clothes from my best friend.

One time, I may or not have told my mom I hated her because she made me take swimming lessons.

One time, I may or may not have almost strangled a cat to death when I put a makeshift collar (see: Hair tie) around it's neck because I loved it so much and wanted to make it mine.

One time, I may or may not have broken up with a guy because he didn't eat as much as me.

One time, I may or may not have lied to my boss about why I would be missing work, explaining that someone had purchased a Contiki vacation for me as a gift without checking my work schedule, when I had actually purchased it myself.

Fhew! That felt great. That's about it for my confessions. If there's anything you'd like to get off your chest before the big day arrives, feel free to leave in the comments below. We're all friends here, no judgies.

Until the rapture makes its big debut, I can be found eating my weight's worth in Pringles and White Russians. And probably hanging out with my two favorite brothers, Mario and Luigi. (Also known as my "Friday Night Special".)

In related news- I'm really hoping it's not going to be the end of the world tomorrow because I just paid my car registration this week and if it turns out I wasted that $250, I'm going to be pissed.


mina2 said...

i just paid my car registration too. after the rapture come to my house and we can bitch about it. let's also plan to go loot high end grocery stores and h&m's.

Eric Strunk said...

"I'm a BACK!"

theTsaritsa said...

When I was mad at my sister for something when I was seven or eight years old, I licked her fork before dinner and put it back on her place setting. Kinda gross. I'm probably going to hell, anyway, with Marilyn Monroe and the OxyClean dude.

aki! said...

I don't think I'll be raptured. But, here goes.

When I was younger, I stole a yoyo from a store.

I compulsively lie during interviews. Especially behavioral ones.

Lastly... I killed a man, just to watch him die.

M. Hicks said...

I tell my son that his noisy toys take "GG" batteries; their sale was discontinued some time ago.

I cheated on a 6th grade geography test by drawing a map of Europe on my book cover.

I broke up with a guy once for inadequate parts.

Deborah said...

We're still alive! Yay us!

I once broke up with a guy cuz his thighs were thinner than mine. Whoops and sorry dude!

I want to be the skinny bitch in my relationships thank you very much.

MRanthrope said...

I survived. yay?

Cake Betch said...

Lol well I'm still here. In fact just about everyone I know is still here. I'm guessing the rapture did not in fact take place.

Elizabeth said...

i think the rapture did take place and obviously none of us were saved. bwah hah hah...

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

MINA - i didn't get raptured. looks like it's a good thing we paid our registrations.

ERIC - in more ways than one!

TSARITSA - i love your confession. you really showed your sister who's boss.

AKI - i think lying during an interview is a natural reaction. i always end up lying too and i act like i'm really proper while doing it.

M HICKS - thanks for stopping by and commenting! you get the award for funniest comment. it was the GG batteries that did it.

DEB - i basically did the same thing! i was so shallow...

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