Post Rapture Recap.

I'm not really sure how this whole "rapture" thing works, but I know I'm still working a 9-5 and paying bills and bitching about how my jeans are too tight. So I'm assuming it never happened. Unless it actually did happen and I'm in an alternate universe that mimics life on earth, which is just crazytalk so I'm going to pretend I never even mentioned that. But I WILL assume that if I lost any readers over the weekend it was because their asses got raptured. Or ruptured.

Since everyone was all up in arms about the end of the world, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and plan for the end. And by "plan for the end", I really mean "pamper myself and eat a ton of shit".

Saturday morning Boyfriend and I splurged our faces off by going in for a massage. Now, before you say it, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I AM poor and NO I can't afford to live this lavish lifestyle. BUT. My massage was actually paid for by my good friend Kim- it was her gift to me for being in her wedding. And Boyfriend's massage was a birthday gift from me because his birthday was just last week. Anypoor. We went to The Massage Place, which neither of us had ever been to before. If you've never been and you've always wondered what's like, it's totally worth it. The massages are muuuuch more affordable than they would be at a spa. They're inexpensive because they don't splurge on any of that spa-like environment shit. Not in the slightest.

They have several locations, but the one we went to was basically a counter with a receptionist and five separate massage rooms. The room I had was furnished with a heated massage bed with sheets and a blanket, a little shelf-bookcase thing where you can put your clothes and purse, and a boombox playing meditation music. My massuese was a hippy from New Jersey who was shoeless and used coconut oil that left me smelling like empanadas. I wanted to eat my own arm off by the time I was done, it seriously did smell like someone was baking pies. She was very sweet and chilled out when I squeeked "umm... a little easier please...?" My massage lasted exactly one hour from the time she started. It was very relaxing and I could tell when I met up with Boyfriend in the lobby that he was very relaxed as well because he looked like he was crazy drunk.

After our massages, we headed out for a picnic at Malibu Winery. I'd been here once before for my friend Danielle's graduation. I knew it was a BEAUTIFUL location and very popular. And if it's good enough for the rich hipsters of Calabasas and Malibu, well, it's good enough for me.

No children allowed at this rapture party.

They have two of those adobe huts where they offer wine tastings. The one we got consisted of Sparkling wine, Chardonnay, Rose, Merlot, and a specialty wine they created for The Tour of California bike race. Now, I'm NO wine connoisseur. In fact I usually think wine tastes like heartburn. But I decided if I'm about to be raptured, this is probably a good time to check off "drink wine" from my bucket list.

Everyone was out doing pre-rapture celebrations.

With our food from Blue Table, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, lunch was PERFECT. I had the Caprese panini and Boyfriend had the Italian sandwich. Both delicious, but I think I'll get the Italian next time. We also got chips and a sausage and asparagus side dish. All totally worth it.

Yours truly and Boyfriend. I had to throw this one in.

Coincidentally, I ran into my friend Kristen, whom I haven't seen in years. I say coincidentally because she is the BEST at pimping out my blog. Just the day before this picnic, her Facebook status was a statement about how everyone should "Like" my blog before the rapture comes.

My view once I realized I'd had enough to drink and was ready for a nap.

Boyfriend and I headed back home for a much needed wine-coma.

That night, we met up with my BFF, along with Boyfriend's brother and one of his friends for birthday-week drinks. With this being the rapture and everything, I decided to go out with a bang.

Strongbow, potato skins, and steak salad. Salad because I'm on a diet, you see.

So, that was my rapture weekend. Did you do anything end-of-the-worldy?


theTsaritsa said...

Looks like a great time! And the splurge on a massage is totally worth it! I could use one myself right now...

We didn't do anything crazy for the rapture, but we did sleep in which was nice.

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

I ate like a horse too! Amazing lunch with tasty Alaskan beers for lunch, then the best, longest, most awesome sauce dinner for Adam's birthday. Mmmmm.

I was happy the rapture didn't happen, but I was kind of looking forward to not having to pay back all my loans and credit card dept....

Nikosmommy said...

Apparently nothing including the "Rapture" was going to stand in the way of your great weekend!!! Looks like you and the bf had a great time with some good food and booze! yum!

Sara Louise said...

It's the best way to greet the end of the world... massaged, stuffed, and wine drunk.

aki! said...

Oh my goodness... a massage sounds like the most amazing thing in the world right now.

Thanks for your suggestion, but I don't really do high end makeup. That poor thing again. Haha.


MRanthrope said...

that steak salad looks amazing.

abbyhasissues.com said...

A park and party with no kids allowed? Sign me up, as usually I need wine to get through parks and parties where kids are allowed.

I spent my pre-anti-rapture days doing what I usually do--eating, sleeping, writing and watching the game. I was hoping all the mosquitoes and people who talk on a Bluetooth would be taken, but no such luck.

Cake Betch said...

I want a massage now SO BAD. I got one a few months ago (I took my boyfriend's mom) and the lady talked the whole time so I didn't really get the chance to relax.
And we went to Beerfest on Friday, which was an excellent party for blowing out the last day on earth. Oh wait, never mind, that's actually OCTOBER 21st now. Right.

michael said...

Mmm strongbow.

Sara said...

Oh wow, massages, wine and paninis...best Rapture day ever! We went to a wedding of some friends of mine from college. They've been dating for something like 85 years, so we figured hell would freeze over and the world would self-destruct when those two tied the knot. :)

Nenette AM said...

I love the drunken pre-nap pic. I think it's my favourite.

My Rapture day was spent with me doubled over on the couch with cramps. I was watching a Star Trek Marathon on Space Channel, so it wasn't a total bust. :)

Simone Says... said...

i stuffed my face all day friday, just in case...

Maxie said...

this is DEFINITELY the best way to celebrate the rapture... I think I shall start celebrating the impending rapture every weekend.

And re: your comment about BiSC on my blog, YOU SHOULD COME. I will take this next year to peer pressure you into it.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

TSARITSA - next rapture, def get the massage. it's worth it.

ASHLEY - i'm with you on the loan payback stuff. i knew it was too good to be true.

NIKO/ SARA - it was my first time drinking wine! isn't that crazy! well, i mean, i've tasted it before but i've never liked it so i usually stear clear of it. but this time i actually went "wine tasting" and even had it with my lunch! the rapture made me so wild.

AKI - ahhhh, i didn't know you were poor. that makes two of us. next time, i'll limit myself to cheapies, which actually isn't much of a stretch for me. :)

MRANTHROPE - that steak salad WAS amazing. i've been thinking about every since. <-- not an exagerration.

ABBY - i never really thought about it, but you're right, you don't usually see many parks that are childfree. thank you for pointing out another perk of this place. :)

CAKE - my massage girl was the total opposite. i asked her a couple of questions and she was pretty mums-the-word about everything. but i guess that IS more relaxing than having a chatterbox up in your shit for an hour straight.

MICHAEL - next time you come up here we'll get strongbow wasted. just kidding. like i would hang out with you.

SARA - that's funny. were they worried at all about the impending doom about to take place on this, the most special day of their lives? probably not, i'm sure they just got trashed and enjoyed the party.

NENETTE - oh nooooo! just reading the word "cramps" makes me want to take a chainsaw to my guts. that sucks... but at least it was a reason to stay curled up on the couch without being called lazy. :)

SIMONE - i like your style.

MAXIE - now that's thinking ahead. raptures are tricky and you can never be too sure when one is going to sneak up on you. (or am i thinking of raptors...? either way, it still applies.)

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