5.26.2011

The Time I Went to the Osbourne's House.

The title may be somewhat misleading as I never actually got INTO the Osbourne's house. But at least this way, readers who decide to skip reading my post will think I'm like *this* with celebs. It's a win-win.



Many years ago, when the Osbourne's still had their MTV reality show (2001ish?), I thought it would be cool to track down their house. The show always showed different clips of the exterior of the house, along with major street names in the general vicinity so I figured it was worth a shot. Worst case scenario, I spend a couple minutes driving through a bunch of million dollar mansions.

My friend, Hana, and I were living in Westwood at the time. We were on our way to Disco de Mayo, a 70's themed party at The Key Club in Hollywood. (Tight flare pants, polyester shirt and platforms were in full effect that night.) We were getting closer to the strip when I threw out the idea of looking for the house. I took a turn off Sunset onto another famous Beverly Hills street. We drove up the hill a couple blocks. We were looking left and right at each mansion that went by. And then I saw it...

The giant peach house...

The gate with the gargoyle heads...

I.SEE.THE.OSBOURNE'S.HOUSE.



It looked a lot smaller in person than it had on TV. Hana doubted me and said it wasn't the right house. I pointed out some key elements about the exterior and won the arguement. We decided to pull over and take a closer look. I parked across the street. Hana waited in the safety of my 1984 Volvo while I ventured into the unknown. I tiptoed halfway across the street when a voice came booming out through an intercom: "CAN I HELP YOU." Only the voice wasn't REALLY asking, like in a friendly customer service kind of "Can I help you?" way. It was kind of more along the lines of "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" I could tell this hidden troll-under-the-bridge security guard wasn't messing around, so I squeeked out "Uhhhhh, no! Thanks!", turned around, and continued tiptoing my platformed ass back to the car.

As Hana and I shit our flare pants and said a bunch of "OMG!!!" while we floored it out of there, we couldn't believe what had just happened. We had just found the Osbourne house.

And then we went to Disco de Mayo.


10 comments:

theTsaritsa said...

haha, I guess they're serious about intruders! Wow, that's definitely a funny story.

And this is why I never take photos of the outside of my house. I don't want people on the internet to piece my pictures together and figure out where I live. Yeah, I know that no one would want to stalk me, but you can never be too careful these days...

Nikosmommy said...

Stalk a celeb home and then get in shit from security when you try to get a closer look at the place? totally something I'd do....

Erin said...

Good story!! hee hee... Once I went to a gay club with Atreyu from Never Ending Story. It's my claim to fame.

Simone Says... said...

i spent an afternoon looking for alyssa milano's house on mulholland... i don't think she even lives in LA. i'm not ashamed.

Sara Louise said...

I would have freaked out as soon as I heard that voice. Freaked and ran.

Bonnie said...

I think you have the coolest life ever.
I would love to spend my time stalking celeb houses and getting yelled at by their dick security team.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Cake Betch said...

Hahahaha. You probably aren't the first person to have that idea and that is probably why there was a security guard on duty. :-D

MRanthrope said...

you probably interrupted Kelly Osbourne practicing her cover of "Papa Don't Preach," hence the anger.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

"And then we went to Disco de Mayo."

Love it. Good sleuthing!

Deborah said...

I second what Bonnie said.

No celebs to stalk around these parts, but I do hear that Kim K is lurking about lots because of her Minnesota fiance. Whoooo ys!

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