Easy Pasta.

This recipe started out as a total fluke one night when groceries were slim and Boyfriend and I were being "resourceful". It turned out to be one of my favorite quick meals.

EASY PASTA

Ingredients:
-egg noodles
-butter
-red sauce
-bell pepper, diced
-mozzarella cheese
-salami, chopped to bite sized pieces
-truffle oil (optional)

Forgot to include the damn bell pepper.

Directions:
Cook pasta in salted water according to package. Once cooked, mix with a little butter and truffle oil (this helps it not stick AND the truffle oil adds a nice flavor). Add diced bell peppers, salami, red sauce and mozzarella in any amount that you like. I go easy on the sauce and heavy on everything else. Throw it in the microwave until cheese melts.

I know it looks pretty questionable here, but it's actually really good. And it's really easy to make because, if you're like me, you always have these items on hand.

Boner'ppetite.

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Very Important Question.

Last night, Boyfriend and I went buck wild on some Popeyes chicken. Which reminded me of a convo I had with some family members about a month ago.

My mom suggested we get Popeyes chicken on our way over to my Grandma's house. Well, you would have thought she'd just committed a mortal sin/ burned the flag/ turned down tickets to The Ellen Show with the way my relatives reacted.

Apparently I was in Kentucky Fried Chicken territory. And the mere mention of Popeyes sent everyone into a shit-talking frenzy.




In my opinion, Popeyes wins. Every time. Hands down.

The chicken is crispier and lighter and not dripping with oil. The biscuits taste like they're coated with butter (flavoring). They serve sweet tea which makes me feel like I'm about to sunbathe.



So, friends. I'm asking you...

WHICH DO YOU PREFER: KFC OR POPEYES?


Disclaimer: I'm well aware that I'm comparing two basically identical, fast food corporations that offer a shitload of deep-fried calories and instantly clog every artery in your body. And I know many of you are going to shit your pants at the thought of ever putting that kind of (crispy, delicious) poison into the temple that is your body. Blah blah blah. Whatever. I eat shitty food. We've already established that.

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Sundays with TILTE.

Yesterday morning, we decided to mess around with some face paint.

Boyfriend donated his artistic abilities, while Pearl and I donated our facial abilities.

I now present to you: A Sunday Morning at TILTE's House.






Hope you enjoyed!

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Bitchin' Kitchen.

Have you guys heard of this show called Bitchin' Kitchen?

It's on The Cooking Channel.

For a while, I flat out refused to watch Bitchin' Kitchen because the host, Nadia G. seemed fucking ridiculous. And I watch a lot of ridiculous shit, so that says a lot if even I refuse to watch it.


And then one day I made the mistake of lingering too long on an episode (in the hopes of spitting hate all over it). And the fucking obvious happened.

I fell in love with it.

The premise of the show is an Italian-American (by way of Canada) bombshell who has a Brooklyn/ Jersey/ Unidentifiable accent makes good food and cracks jokes along the way. She also has regular guests on the show who add helpful tidbits and sometimes pointless drivel, but at least they're semi-good-looking.

So, have you guys seen this show? What do you think?? Am I crazy for loving it?

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Salmon and Orzo.

Tonight Boyfriend and I made what I would consider a "fancy dinner". It didn't involve cheese sauces or butter, which is pretty strange, I know.

I've had this salmon recipe since I was in my early 20's. I'm sure I saw it online, but who knows how I found it.

The recipe for orzo was something I tried at Trader Joe's. It was one of those samples you get and hope they're not looking when you stop in for round #2 and #3 because you're starving and it was so fucking good and if you could just get ONE MORE TASTE you'd be able to decide if you want to try it at home.

EASY BAKED SALMON

Ingredients:
-2 cloves of garlic, minced
-6 tbsp olive oil
-1 tsp dried basil
-1 tsp salt
-1 tsp ground black pepper
-1 tbsp lemon juice
-1 tbsp parsley
-2 filets salmon

Directions:
Prepare marinade by mixing garlic, olive oil, basil, salt, pepper, lemon juice and parsley.



Place filets in marinade and refrigerate about 1 hr, turning occasionally.



Preheat oven to 375. Place filets in aluminum foil, cover with marinade, and seal.



Place sealed salmon in glass dish. Bake 35-45 min.



NOTE:
-I got my salmon filets straight from the fish market. Both cuts came to a total of just under 1lb and it was juuuuust over the right amount for two people.

-I used fresh parsley and fresh lemon juice (I'm sure you can use dried parsley and the lemon juice that comes in that plastic fake-ass lemon, but it's probably more flavorful if you use fresh.)
-I cooked the filets for 40 min and then let them sit in their tin foils for another 5 min before serving. They came out moist and flakey. Fucking perfect.

TRADER JOES ORZO SALAD

Ingredients:
-Orzo
-Cherry tomatoes
-Greek Style Feta dressing
-Feta cheese
-Artichoke hearts (frozen)



Directions:
Cook orzo according to package. Cook artichokes according to package.



Slice tomatoes in half.



Combine cooked orzo, artichokes, salad dressing, tomatoes, and feta. Serve room temperature or cold.



NOTE:
-Since this was a Trader Joe's sample, there's no accurate measurement for the ingredients. Just add enough stuff to make it taste good.
-I made the mistake of not cutting the artichokes into bite-sized pieces and they were kind of a mouthful. Next time, I would cut them post-cooking, pre-eating.
-In my opinion, it needs a generous portion of dressing and feta. That's where most of the flavor comes from. So if you're not big on cheese that smells like feet, this recipe probably isn't for you.
-This recipe seems perfect for big groups and potluck type events.

I know I made a big, giant, cooking faux-pas by serving these two items together because the orzo has feta in it and everyone knows that fish + cheese = barf. Whatever, I did it anyway. Next time I'll probably split these two lovers apart and serve them with other items.

This post goes out to my vegetarian readers since I pretty much never make anything non-meaty. (Fish counts as vegetarian, right? It does today.)

Try these recipes out and let me know what you think!

Boner'ppetite.

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In Case You Need a Laugh.

Yesterday I came across two things that made me laugh harder than I've laughed in a while.

The first one is a website I found on StumbleUpon. The page in question involves a guy who steals his friend's photos from Facebook, slightly alters them, and then places them back online on his own account. This page seriously had me laughing out loud, by myself, in my office. And then again on my drive home. And then again when I got home.

OLI AND ALEX - JAMES' FACE


The second is a clip from that horrifying, redneck, disaster of a show, Toddlers and Tiaras. When we first watched this scene, Boyfriend was silent, jaw on the floor. I, on the other hand, immediately burst into a fit of cackles and had to rewind/ rewatch like eight times. And then I recorded it. To share with all of you. Because that's what good friends do.




To those I'm friends with IRL or in my Facebook group: Apologies for the repost. These things were just too good to not share.

And speaking of too good to not share...


Happy Friday.

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The One Where I Complain About Being Old.

Before you flip the fuck out and slap me across the face for pretending like I'm old, allow me to explain myself.

I've never thought as the "30's" as old. Never. And when it comes to fashion and humor and maturity (see: Immaturity) level, I definitely think I'm far from being old.

But lately, my shit's been saying otherwise. And by my shit, I mean my body. Not my actual shit.


When I turned 30, my friend Melody said something along the lines of "Good luck. Your body totally changes like the second you turn 30. It happened to me." I thought she was bluffing her balls off and I didn't bat an eyelash at it. And here I am, 31, and now I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

-At 30, my mystery stomach problems kicked into high gear leaving me in such severe pain that I ended up in the ER. A year later, it was diagnosed as endometriosis. It was such a relief to finally get a fucking answer about what my problem was... but that feeling of relief was quickly followed by the realization that I might not be able to have kids. And that pretty much sucked.

My future.

-I started getting melasma spots on my face that now make me look like I have a permanent Hitler stache. And if you don't know what melasma spots are, they're those unfortunate looking dark spots that some women get on their face that make them look like they've been playing in dirt ditches and shit. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be winning America's Next Top Model this season.

My future.

-My metabolism slowed waaaaay the fuck down and I'm getting rounder by the second. I know what you're saying- "TILTE, maybe it's because you eat all kinds of fatty shit and you're the laziest person I know." Well, to that I say "I KNOW. QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE ALREADY." The thing that gets me about gaining weight is that I've always eaten like this and I've never had a problem staying thin. But now, it's like all the cranks and shafts and pulleys and levers inside my body have rusted over and come to a complete deep-fried halt. Even just getting dressed in the morning makes me FUCKING IRATE because it's like WWIII trying to break into a pair of freshly laundered jeans. And when I'm sitting at my desk and lean over to get something, my belly rolls are fighting their way to make it past each other. And as much as I hate to admit this, I've even worn loose fitting yoga type pants OUTSIDE of the house. -Which is fine for some people. But I'm just not one of those people. And to make matters worse, almost all of my friends have kids and they're still in just as great shape as always. And don't even get me started on the ones who've had kids and look BETTER.THAN.EVER. (I'm talking to you, Rachel C.) I'm not even pregnant and I'm already letting myself go. :::suicide:::

My future.

-My back always hurts. I've turned into one of those crazy old bats who always carries around a heating pack and downs Motrin like it's heroin-laced Skittles. I know my endometriosis plays a big part in my chronic back pains. It's tiresome and frustrating to know I get achy just after a normal day of sitting/ standing. Again, I know what you're going to say- "TILTE, if you just do some exercises and stretches it won't be so bad" to which I say "I KNOW. QUIT TELLING ME WHAT TO DO ASSHOLE." And I know you're totally right. But I have zero motivation to do something unless someone else is there telling me to do it. -And doing it with me. -And then taking me out to froyo afterwards to celebrate.

My future.

-I'm going gray. But I'm not like one of those freekazoids who actually lets their hair grow out gray. I dye those sonavabitches every few weeks. Because if I didn't, I would literally develop trichotillomania and pluck myself bald. Gray hairs are disgusting assholes and I hate them.

My future.

-The other night I had an Old Fashioned and a Peach Iced Tea Martini... and the next morning I woke up with a hangover. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?!? When I lived in London, I used to get TANKED on Vodka/ Redbulls. Sure I'd wake up with a hangover, but that would be after like 6 drinks. -You know, when it was totally warranted. Now, I have to match my cocktail/ water ratio, pig the fuck out to soak it up, and take an Ibuprofin before I go to bed just to make sure I can function the next day. Ugh. It's embarrassing, really.

My future.

-My friend Dar (who's a dentist) once told me that a person's saliva changes as they get older. Mostly starting when they turn 30. Apparently, your spit gets thicker, you get more dry-mouth and consequently, you get more build-up. When he told me that, I thought he was full of shit. But, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure he was right. And you know how I know? Because my teeth feel fuzzy by the end of the day. And I'm blaming that shit on my old-person spit and it's lack of cleaning abilities.

My future.

-I hear motorcycles or cars with loud exhausts rev their engines as they drive down the street and I literally want to shit in my hand and throw it out my window at them.

My future.

I hope I didn't bum any of you about-to-be-30'ers out, but it's about time we face the facts here. Getting old sucks.

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Extraordinary Desserts.

If you're anywhere in the greater San Diego area, and you have a sweet tooth, it is worth your while to find Extraordinary Desserts.

Earlier this month, I was in San Diego and my friend Michael (who knows I like to eat) took me to this place. He has a friend who works there, so he has an "in" when it comes to fancy feasts.



Since we were just stopping in for a mid-morning snack, we decided to share a pot of tea and a dessert. Michael advised we get the Birthday Cake tea ("Reminiscent of a warm out-of-the-oven cookie with strong caramel and vanilla notes. Delicious with milk."). We ordered it as a milk-tea served over ice and added simple syrup for sweetening. Now, before we ordered I was skeptical of Michael's advise because 1) he usually makes bad decisions, and 2) I don't like vanilla, cake-like flavors. But! I loved it! It was light, but creamy, sweet and a little floral and it was perfect for my mid-morning snack.



There were PLENTY of gorgeous looking desserts to choose from, all sitting behind the protective glass so I couldn't maul them. Seriously, if you like beautiful, decadent desserts, this is your place.



We ended up going with the Lemon-Blueberry Streudel. Unfortunately, it's not listed on their online menu, so I can't tell you exactly what's in it. But I can tell you it's MOTHERFUCKINGDELICIOUS and I may or may not have eaten a greater portion than just my half.
Worth noting: This crazy-good dessert was only $8.50 and enough for two people to share.



The streudel is served up with a drizzled design of fruit syrup on one side and a fluffy dollop of freshly whipped cream on the other. They also decorate each dessert before it's brought out to the table, adding flowers, designs, and even edible gold leaf.

Extraordinary Desserts also has a breakfast and appetizer menu, but I didn't try either since I was busy inhaling my dessert. But if it's anything like the quality of the strudel I had, this place is a MUST for anyone in the San Diego area.





Extraordinary Desserts has two San Diego locations: (Little Italy) 1430 Union Street, and (Balboa Park) 2929 Fifth Avenue.

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The Red Door Restaurant and Wine Bar.

On my last visit to San Diego, Morgan arranged a dinner for a group of BlogHer attendees. Somehow, I lucked out and made it into the group.


We took a couple of cabs from the downtown Marriot and about ten minutes later we arrived at The Red Door Restaurant and Wine Bar. When the first half of our 11-person reservation arrived, the waitstaff was a little confused. When the second half of our reservation arrived, the waitstaff was a little frantic. From what I could tell, it seemed like maybe someone forgot to make a note in the RSVP book about our group.

Fortunately, the manager came straight out and got to work. She apologized to every one of us and offered us complimentary drinks. Thankfully, the wait wasn't very long and we ended up getting the whole bar-room area to ourselves.

The exterior, and even interior, of Red Door looks like a house. It's broken up into three separate rooms- the first is the bar/ dining and the other two are just dining. The overall decor is very cozy, lots of natural lighting, and has a feel like you're sitting in someone's living room. It's on the small side- I would say maybe 10 or 12 tables max. This would be a great place for a quaint, intimate meal and also possibly if you're looking for a small venue to rent out for a cocktail party (or something like that).

Because our reservation was a prearranged event to showcase Red Door's new happy hour menu, our food consisted of appetizers and cocktails. -Which totally worked for me.

Appetizer #1: Red Door Sliders

"char grilled meyer natural ground beef on ciabatta buns, american cheese
lettuce, tomato, carmelized onions, house burger sauce with shoestring fries - $8"

This burger was good, but I think it may have been too toasty for me. Most of the buns were blackened and I'm not really a fan of char-grilled flavor, in general. Keep in mind, this all comes down to personal taste. I'm sure this burger would be perfect for many people, but I don't think I'm really a "fancy burger" kind of person.


Appetizer #2: Steak Skewers

teriyaki glazed charolais ny steak - $5

Again, these weren't really my thing. They seemed a little... overcooked, in my opinion. The teriyaki glaze was flavorful and sweet, but I just wasn't a big fan of how the steak was cooked. Too tough and chewy.


Appetizer #3: BBQ Pulled Pork Quesadilla

"mozzarella, parmesean and romano cheeses housemade bbq sauce
and onion straws - $5"

Now this.... THIS is where the money's at. These quesadillas were by far my favorite item that night, and to this day I cannot stop thinking about them. The craziest part is, I don't really eat pork very often (unless you count my bacon addiction) and I can't believe I almost passed on this appetizer all together.

The cheese combination creates this great, salty-yet-mellow flavor. The pulled pork is moist and not overpowering. They use corn tortillas, which is less commonly seen than its cousin, the flour tortilla. -But definitely much better, in this case. And it's fried perfectly so the edges are crisp, while the center still has a bready texture. Finally, the bbq sauce is sweet and tangy- a great topper for this delicious plate. I would strongly recommend ordering the BBQ Pulled Pork Quesadilla if you try this place out.

Appetizer #4: Shrimp Creole

"mexican white shrimp sautéed with onion, celery, green bell pepper, garlic.
cajun spices, white wine & cream served over crispy polenta - $8"

I don't have too much to say about these guys because I'm pretty weak when it comes to spicy food. I only had one bite, just to get a feel for what I was missing out on. Based on my one taste, I can tell you the shrimp was perfectly cooked, not gummy at all. The shrimp itself tasted great... but those creole spices were a bit too spicy for my fragile palate. But for people who like spicy food, I would recommend these.


The Red Door Restaurant and Wine Bar is located at 741 West Washington St., San Diego.

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The Latest with Me.

I feel like I've been phoning in my recent blog entries. Which is unfortunate because I'm always getting ideas for topics throughout the day or taking pictures of things I want to share. But when it comes down to getting it out on paper (see: keyboard), I just haven't been able to do it.

So, I'm going to try to update you on what I've been up to lately. In bullet-point format, of course.

-After BlogHer, I came back with millions of tidbits I wanted to share. I met some VERY cool people, experienced a summer-camp-like whirlwind vacation, and had somewhere near 100 pix to prove it. By the time I was able to get my thoughts in order, enough time had gone by for everyone to say "BlogHer...? That's so six months ago." I kind of dropped the ball on that one. But don't be surprised if more random pix (and videos) show up in a future post. BTW - for anyone who went to BlogHer, I posted pictures (and have more to add shortly) on my Facebook TILTE page. If I took a pic of you, it's probably there.

-I got laid-off. (Everyone give a collective "Awww..." and share some words of encouragement that will lift my spirits. -Like giving me totally exaggerated compliments or telling me Red Robin is having two-for-the-price-of-one lunch entrees.) It wasn't really a surprise since basically 90% of the company had already been let go. But it was still stressful time, mentally and financially. I didn't want to tell you right away because I was still high off BlogHer. Then my days were crazy busy hunting for jobs, filling out stupidass, pointless online applications, and meeting with employment recruiters. I was actually working harder as an unemployed person than I had been as an employed person.

-And the whole "unemployment" thing kind of cramped my style in the "food blogger" department. With a tight budget, there was no room for fine dining or trying out new recipes. My meal options mostly consisted of pasta, Uncrustables, and ham/ cheese sandwiches. -Which is not horrible if you ask me (because I like to eat that kind of shit), but they're not exactly notable delicacies.

Other little random things that have been going on lately...

-Boyfriend's daughter Pearl spent some extra time with us these past few weeks AND she just started kindergarten this past Tuesday.

-My family is planning my grandma's surprise 90th birthday party, which isn't actually until next April, but my mom is pretty excited about it and wants to get the ball rolling. (Also, I'm not sure if the "surprise" part of that title refers to the fact that it's a "surprise party" or the fact that my grandma is probably going to be surprised that it's her birthday.)

-Biscuit got into a naughty funk and kept getting into the trash every time we left the house. One day there were even day-old stinky, rotting chicken guts all up and down the hallway. Boy, that was fun and appetizing to clean up. Fortunately though, we were able to find a Biscuit-proof trash can. No more chicken guts problems.

-Lastly, I was lucky enough to get some short term employment through my friends, Rob and Bao. So far it's been a dream job. The team is all work AND all play, which are my two favorite things. (Just kidding. My two favorite things are frozen yogurt and cupcakes.) I will bring my extensive blogging knowledge to the table as the one-and-only Copywriter. I KNOW! I'm totally big time now, guys. Anyway, hopefully this shit pans out and I get acknowledged as a permanent full-time employee.

-But this Copywriting gig pretty much means I'm using up all my writing juice during the day. And when I get home to blog, it just turns into a bunch of useless drivel. So don't expect anything earth shattering over the next few weeks.

So that's it for my updates. I'm sorry I haven't been able to comment on all of your blog entries. I'll make it up sooner or later.

Is there anything important I've missed since I've been MIA?? Do tell.

xo,
TILTE

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