Recipe: Baked Ziti with Ground Beef

Did I tell you I'm ALLLLLL over this whole "grass-fed beef" business?

I am.

I get it from my local Farmer's Market. And as cheap as I am, it's totally worth the $6.00 per pound.

What's the difference between grass-fed beef and regular-ass grocery store beef, you may be asking.

Well, regular-ass grocery store beef was probably fed a lot of corn (which bulks up the animal, but doesn't really do much in the taste/ health department), as well as anything else under the sun (including bedding and feces) and may or may not have been pumped full of hormones or antibiotics.

Now, I'm not one to get on my soapbox about eating healthy. Obviously. Because I'm actually probably the worst eater on the planet.

However, grass-fed beef actually TASTES so much better than store-bought beef. The color of the raw beef is much richer, there's absolutely NO scent to it when you open the package, and the second you start cooking it, it smells hearty and tasty. Not like rotting meat, which is something I've noticed with grocery store meat. Also, according to a bunch of endometriosis shit I've read, it's highly advised to eat organic foods because all the synthetic hormones in non-organic foods can aggravate the devil in my uterus. (Actually, it's even more highly advised that I completely cut meat out all together.) (Not going to happen.)

Anyway.

We picked up a package of grass-fed beef yesterday that was begging to be made for dinner tonight. Since I didn't have any specific cravings, I decided to consult my cooking sidekick, the Internet. Low and behold, I came across this recipe.


Baked Ziti with Ground Beef

INGREDIENTS
1 lb. ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomato, undrained
1 can (8 oz) tomato sauce
1/2 tsp dried basil
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 small garlic clove, minced
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
8 oz of ziti, cooked and drained
2 cups shredded mozzarella



DIRECTIONS
Saute ground beef, onion, and bell pepper in a large skillet until onion is tender and beef is lightly browned.



Drain fat/ liquid. Add tomatoes, sauce, basil, oregano, garlic, salt, and pepper. Mix well.



Add ziti and one cup of mozzarella; mix well. Transfer to 2.5qt casserole dish. Top with remaining cheese.



Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.


NOTE:
-This casserole was a little salty for both me and Boyfriend. Next time, I'd take it down to 1 teaspoon of salt.
-We added freshly grated parmesan on top before it went into the oven. I like to think that made it more "Italian" and "delicious".

Boner'ppetite.

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Recipe: Penne al Forno (It's Great for Entertaining!)

Last weekend Boyfriend and I hosted a little Game Night get-together at our house. Since we were having a good amount of people over, I jumped at the chance to try out a Nadia G. recipe (Bitchin' Kitchen).

Can you tell we like Bitchin' Kitchen...? I'm pretty sure Pearl wants to actually BE Nadia G. Like, in real life.



Penne al Forno

INGREDIENTS (bolognese)
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, smashed
1/2 tsp chili flakes
1 red onion, minced
8 oz ground beef
4 cups San Marzano tomatoes, hand crushed
1/4 cup fresh parsley, minced
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp raw sugar
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp sea salt
-fresh ground pepper to taste

INGREDIENTS (pasta)
-salt
-1 lb penne lisce pasta
-1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup grated mozzarella
1/2 cup grated parmesan





DIRECTIONS
For the bolognese: Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the garlic and chili flakes and fry until golden (about 1 min). Add onions and saute till crispy (8-10 min).




Add ground beef and cook until crumbled. Add tomatoes, parsley, oregano, sugar, bay leaf, sea salt, and pepper. Mix and simmer for 20 min.





For the pasta: Bring salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook till almost al dente (8-9 min). Drain.

To assemble: Preheat oven to 350. Grease a 15x10 baking dish with butter.





In a bowl, mix pasta with half of the bolognese. Put a light layer of this pasta into the baking dish, followed by 1/4 cup sauce, 1/3 cup mozzarella, and 1 tbsp parmesan. Repeat with second layer till everything is used up.




Place in oven and bake until edges are golden and bubbly, approx 30 min.


Pig the fuck out.

NOTES:
-I used salted butter. Because that's what I buy.
-I used about 1/4 of chili flakes because I'm not a big fan of spicy food.
-I only bought one can of San Marzano tomatoes, which turned out to only be half the amount I needed. Being the resourceful person I am, I just substituted Ragu Traditional sauce for the other half. Also, it's because I'm fancy.
-I used way more than the suggested amount of cheese. Maybe twice as much mozzarella and four times as much parmesan.
-You know those free packets of red peppers that come with pizza? And the brown packets of "raw" sugar at Starbucks? I used those instead of buying a whole box of each. I never use those ingredients and they're the perfect serving size. And, I'm cheap.
-I was also a little nervous about using a whole red onion. We actually only went with half.

Boyfriend and I were very happy with the meal (it was fucking delicious). All of our guests had full plates and I even had enough for a few leftovers. And believe me, I ate the shit out of those leftovers.


Other things I like to eat (from game night)...

kettle corn from the farmer's market thanks to our friends Todd and Alex

baked brie thanks to our friends Melissa and Justin


my favorite green salad


dessert tartlettes thanks to my friend Rawnie


and Old Fashion cocktails thanks to Boyfriend

You should plan a game night too.

Boner'ppetite.

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Easy Pasta.

This recipe started out as a total fluke one night when groceries were slim and Boyfriend and I were being "resourceful". It turned out to be one of my favorite quick meals.

EASY PASTA

Ingredients:
-egg noodles
-butter
-red sauce
-bell pepper, diced
-mozzarella cheese
-salami, chopped to bite sized pieces
-truffle oil (optional)

Forgot to include the damn bell pepper.

Directions:
Cook pasta in salted water according to package. Once cooked, mix with a little butter and truffle oil (this helps it not stick AND the truffle oil adds a nice flavor). Add diced bell peppers, salami, red sauce and mozzarella in any amount that you like. I go easy on the sauce and heavy on everything else. Throw it in the microwave until cheese melts.

I know it looks pretty questionable here, but it's actually really good. And it's really easy to make because, if you're like me, you always have these items on hand.

Boner'ppetite.

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Sausage Pasta.

Do you want a filling and fucking delicious meal tonight that's super easy to make? Do you want there to be enough leftovers to cure your hangover status tomorrow morning?

TRY MY SAUSAGE PASTA!*

Ingredients

-Egg noodles

-Johnsonville Mild Italian Sausage

-Bell Pepper

-Butter

-FRESHLY GRATED Parmesan cheese (Don't even THINK about using that dusty canned shit)

-Salt/ pepper to taste

Directions

Slice bell peppers into thin strips.

Saute sausages until cooked. Add bell peppers to the pan at the end.

(Um. These aren't done yet.)

Boil noodles according to package.

When noodles are done, throw in some butter so that ish doesn't stick together. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add sausage and bell pepper to pasta. Top with a SHITLOAD of Parmesan. Eat the shit out of it.

Boner'ppetite!

*Unless you're a vegetarian.

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Mini Meatloaves, Mother Truckers.

The other night, I decided to try out a recipe for Individual Sicilian Meat Loaves. From my favorite mag, Anyone Can Cook, obviously. Here's what you need:

INGREDIENTS
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 3/4 cups garlic/ onion pasta sauce
1/4 cup seasoned fine dry bread crumbs
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
12 oz of ground beef
2 oz mozzarella cheese or 2 sticks of mozzarella string cheese
4 thin slices prosciutto or cooked ham
9 oz cooked fettuccine



DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400. In a medium bowl, combine egg, 1/4 cup pasta sauce, bread crumbs, salt, and pepper. Add ground beef to that mother.


Cut string cheese sticks in half, crosswise. Wrap a slice of prosciutto around each cheese log. Add 1/4 of the meat mixture around each meat stick to form a loaf. Place in a shallow pan and cook for approx 20 minutes.


Arrange meatloaves over fettuccine. Spoon sauce over top. Add Parmesan if you like it.



NOTES
-The pasta sauce I used was regular old Ragu Traditional.
-I used shredded mozzarella and basically used the sliced ham to make a burrito out of it. Then I stuck a bunch of pieces of the ground piece mixture around it.
-The pasta options we had were slim. I went with elbow macaroni. Next time, I'll try egg noodles.
-I may have used less ground beef than called for. I got three loaves out of it.
-I like Parmesan. I added a lot.
-The loaves were very tender and juicy. I'm not sure if that's because I may have under cooked them, but nobody got sick. So basically, I owned that recipe.

These fucking loaves were DELICIOUS and I've been whispering sweet nothings to a package of ground beef in the freezer ever since. The recipe was surprisingly easy to make and pretty much foolproof if I was able to make them on a whim and not fuck anything up.

If you like spaghetti bolognese, you'll like this. Because that's basically what this is.

Boner'ppetite.

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Post Rapture Recap.

I'm not really sure how this whole "rapture" thing works, but I know I'm still working a 9-5 and paying bills and bitching about how my jeans are too tight. So I'm assuming it never happened. Unless it actually did happen and I'm in an alternate universe that mimics life on earth, which is just crazytalk so I'm going to pretend I never even mentioned that. But I WILL assume that if I lost any readers over the weekend it was because their asses got raptured. Or ruptured.

Since everyone was all up in arms about the end of the world, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and plan for the end. And by "plan for the end", I really mean "pamper myself and eat a ton of shit".

Saturday morning Boyfriend and I splurged our faces off by going in for a massage. Now, before you say it, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I AM poor and NO I can't afford to live this lavish lifestyle. BUT. My massage was actually paid for by my good friend Kim- it was her gift to me for being in her wedding. And Boyfriend's massage was a birthday gift from me because his birthday was just last week. Anypoor. We went to The Massage Place, which neither of us had ever been to before. If you've never been and you've always wondered what's like, it's totally worth it. The massages are muuuuch more affordable than they would be at a spa. They're inexpensive because they don't splurge on any of that spa-like environment shit. Not in the slightest.

They have several locations, but the one we went to was basically a counter with a receptionist and five separate massage rooms. The room I had was furnished with a heated massage bed with sheets and a blanket, a little shelf-bookcase thing where you can put your clothes and purse, and a boombox playing meditation music. My massuese was a hippy from New Jersey who was shoeless and used coconut oil that left me smelling like empanadas. I wanted to eat my own arm off by the time I was done, it seriously did smell like someone was baking pies. She was very sweet and chilled out when I squeeked "umm... a little easier please...?" My massage lasted exactly one hour from the time she started. It was very relaxing and I could tell when I met up with Boyfriend in the lobby that he was very relaxed as well because he looked like he was crazy drunk.

After our massages, we headed out for a picnic at Malibu Winery. I'd been here once before for my friend Danielle's graduation. I knew it was a BEAUTIFUL location and very popular. And if it's good enough for the rich hipsters of Calabasas and Malibu, well, it's good enough for me.

No children allowed at this rapture party.


They have two of those adobe huts where they offer wine tastings. The one we got consisted of Sparkling wine, Chardonnay, Rose, Merlot, and a specialty wine they created for The Tour of California bike race. Now, I'm NO wine connoisseur. In fact I usually think wine tastes like heartburn. But I decided if I'm about to be raptured, this is probably a good time to check off "drink wine" from my bucket list.


Everyone was out doing pre-rapture celebrations.


With our food from Blue Table, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, lunch was PERFECT. I had the Caprese panini and Boyfriend had the Italian sandwich. Both delicious, but I think I'll get the Italian next time. We also got chips and a sausage and asparagus side dish. All totally worth it.


Yours truly and Boyfriend. I had to throw this one in.


Coincidentally, I ran into my friend Kristen, whom I haven't seen in years. I say coincidentally because she is the BEST at pimping out my blog. Just the day before this picnic, her Facebook status was a statement about how everyone should "Like" my blog before the rapture comes.


My view once I realized I'd had enough to drink and was ready for a nap.

Boyfriend and I headed back home for a much needed wine-coma.

That night, we met up with my BFF, along with Boyfriend's brother and one of his friends for birthday-week drinks. With this being the rapture and everything, I decided to go out with a bang.

Strongbow, potato skins, and steak salad. Salad because I'm on a diet, you see.

So, that was my rapture weekend. Did you do anything end-of-the-worldy?

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Another One About Poop (Part II of II).

Remember that one time I couldn't eat for a long ass time and nearly went insane in the membrane because of the starvations? Yeah, I do too. In fact, I'm still having 'Nam flashbacks to it. Every time I see a commercial for something delicious and greasy I start rocking back-n-forth in the corner. And then I realize my test is over and done with and I can eat all the non "clear liquids" my heart desires. And I immediately run to the kitchen and eat my weight in Ritz crackers and Hickory Farms cheeseball.

So the last time we left off, I'd basically blown a hole right through the bottom of my torso where my butt used to be. That night I tried to stay up as late as possible to avoid any middle-of-the-night disasters. I ended up waking up a few times throughout the night, which was totally okay with me because at least it meant I wasn't doodooing all over the bed.

The next morning I was feeling pretty good and looking forward to getting this test (of my willpower and strength) over with. By the time I got checked in at the hospital, my stomach was basically eating itself. Boyfriend and I hung out in the waiting area for a few minutes (I was the youngest person in the room by at least 100 years) before they called me in. The nurse asked me some questions, handed me a gown, and I waited on a gurney for probably another twenty minutes.

TILTE weak from the starvations.

Finally, a nurse came in to set up my IV. This broad must have been new to the game, because she couldn't manage to get her act together. First she tried my wrist. "Try making a fist... hm... Ok, relax your hand... hm... ok... I can't seem to get it to thread... let's try your arm instead." So she poked my arm and then gave me the same old song and dance about not being able to get it to thread. At this point my brain was imagining the needle doing a window-wiper effect, scraping back and forth inside my vein. She ended up calling another nurse over and they finally got me hooked up.

They rolled me- on my gurney- from one room, through a hallway, and into the "official" room. This was the first time I'd ever been on a gurney and it felt weird. Like, real weird. I was pretending I was starring on an episode of ER and I felt like some really top secret doctor shit was about to take place.

I was in and out of sleepiness for the rest of my visit, but from what I remember, it went something like this:

Nurse: Okay, we're going to start the drip.
(five seconds later)
TILTE: UhhHhHhHh... I feel totally wasted...
(and scene.)

Next thing I know, I'm waking up and it's all over with. There was some farting taking place, which the doctor had warned me about. (Not to mention I got to experience the symphony of flatulence from other colonoscopy patients when I was first waiting for the nurse to turn my arm into swiss cheese.) Boyfriend came into the recovery room and I'm pretty sure I thanked him a million times and told him how much I loved him and probably daydreamed about an Arby's Beef n Cheddar.

Once I had become lucid enough to go home, they sent boyfriend outside while a nurse helped me get dressed. Thankfully, I was still like 80% loco from the meds so I wasn't even embarrassed when the nurse wiped my butt not once, but twice. After I was dressed, she put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me out to boyfriend where I greeted him with a "Oh hai! What are you doing here?" (I don't really remember this, but boyfriend said it happened.)

TILTE being "...sooooo wasted..."

As soon as I got home, I fell straight back to sleep for another hour and a half. Boyfriend woke me up to let me know I had to eat (Waking me up because I need to eat?? Match.Made.in.Heaven.). So where did I go for my first meal in a lifetime two days?

THE OLIVE GARDEN.

What. I wanted delicious, knock-off Italian food, okay. Sue me.

HellooOoOoOo all-you-can-eat salad and breadsticks.

And for the piece de resistance...

OhhHhHhhh Tour of Italy. You'll never do me wrong.

So that was my experience with a colonoscopy.

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Reunions Aplenty!

I'm warning you now friends, this is going to be a biggie (cue the endless photo montage). This is the 15lb 8 oz, bouncing baby blog I've been putting off for a week now because I have so much to say and not nearly enough brain power to make it pass for comprehensible English. With that said, let's get the show on the road.

Last weekend was filled with reunions of all sorts...

FAMILY REUNION!
And by family reunion, I mean we see each other alllllll the time, but this time it was an official "Ughhhh, OK, we can all meet in a public place, sit, and have a meal together, I guesssssss."

We met at Claim Jumper. When my sister Tanya arrived, I asked her to take a picture of me and Motherdear. I also asked her to crop out her grubby kids (who happened to be swarming all around Mom). This is the pic she took.

(You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family, I believe is the saying...)

I caved and let those street urchins join my picture.

TILTE: "Mom, show me Jazz Hands."
Motherdear: :::wiggling arthritic fingers:::

TILTE avec niece/ nephews, minus Hogan.

I only got one pic of Tanya, which she quickly vetoed. And I forgot to get a picture of Liz, which is unfortunate since she was the one who planned this whole thing. And since I didn't get those two broads, there was no point in posting a picture of Chris. Oh well. Better luck next time, family.

I wasn't feeling too hot on this excursion, so my food choices were pretty grim. We started with an appetizer sampler platter and the hot pretzels. (Note: the pretzel is where the MONEY.IS.AT.)

For my main dish, I ordered the potato soup. I was not impressed and I would not write home about it and in fact, I'm not even going to post a picture of it. What a fucking waste of a potato, Claim Jumper... I'm going to give the old CL one out of five chins. The pretzel was pretty dreamy, but the rest of the food just insulted my palette.

ROOMMATE REUNION!!!
So, waaaaaay back in 2005, I lived on campus at my university. I was placed in an apartment with Courtney, Katie, and Liana.

Liana- A girly girl. Cameron Diaz lookalike. Shabby chic. Nicest person ever.

Katie- Tomboy hidden behind a cute girl's face/ body. Rough and tumble. Up for anything. Vegetarian.

Courtney- Cross between rockabilly/ Southern Belle. Sticks to her guns. Obsessed with The Little Mermaid. Vegetarian.

TILTE- (this is based on their description of their first impression of me) Militant lesbo. Art snob. Tortured soul. Butterholic.

(What the fuck........?)

None of us knew each other before moving in and probably would have never become friends. Our living situation turned out to be one of the best friendships ever.



The four of us haven't been together since we moved out, so this was a big fucking exciting deal. Katie flew down from Oregon (and boy, were her arms tired!) just for this magical weekend.

We started out at Cafe Fiore to get our pig on.

We made sure to fill up a good portion of our chins and bellies with the complimentary bread and marinara (the combo tastes just like you're eating pizza, swearsies) while maximizing cheap drunkeness by downing most of our drinks on empty stomachs (like any classy lady would do).

(White Sangria = Toooootally worth it)

Like a kid on Christmas morning, I always zone the fuck out and get hearts in my eyes as soon as my food arrives and 99% of the time don't remember to take a pic of it. And next thing you know, there's nothing but sauce and crumbs left. Well, this isn't really much of an exception.

Courtney and I shared some kind of fancy salad with walnuts and unattractive cheese, Liana ordered a chicken Caesar, and Katie ordered a pasta thingie. We decided to go for the gold and ordered a Creme Brulee to share ("to share" because we're on a diet, you see).

"Ladies... Your creme brulee. Enjoy."

:::om nom nom:::

Sidenote: Our waiter suuuuucked and unfortunately, I didn't get his name. If you try this place out, ask to be seated in Seamus' section. He's excellent. TILTE'S overall bill for Fiore: $38.

Ok, so this is when the highlight of the night took place. Katie and I went to the ladies room together. With the first stall Katie opened, she loudly announced "Ew- there's a POOP in there!", which automatically sent me into a giggle-downward-spiral. After we took care of business, Katie had already washed her hands and was waiting at the door to leave the restroom. While she was standing in the doorway, she lit up a big ol' gnarls barkley fart. I died laughing (like I totally am right now again) and in the process, accidentally pulled my ring off my finger when I was paper toweling my hands, and tossed it in the trash. All the paper towels immediately blended together and turned into one giant mess like those stupid posters that were big in the 90's that you'd have to look at for a long time before you'd see a mysterious object, like Bob Marley or something. I had to dump out the whole trash, kneel on the floor... And sift through strangers' paper towel shreds... And even a dirty diaper...

I would like to say this was the lowest point in my life, but I'm pretty sure we all know I've had lower.

From Fiore, we all headed over to El Rey and met up with some more friends. El Rey is still pretty new to the area, but so far I've NEVER been let down by this place. It's small and always happening. The bartenders are friendly, they have solid DJ's (Note: DJ means anyone with a Mac), and strong drinks. If you try this place out, go with the alcoholic Horchata. It's not the BEEEEST drink I've ever had, but any drink based on Horchata is definitely worth a shot. TILTE'S overall bill at El Rey: $10.

I ended the night by strapping on the old feedbag again- this time with pizza from Jimmy's Slice. As any drinker worth their salt knows, you need to 1) drink one water per alcoholic beverage, and 2) stock up on shitty food right before you go to sleep. TILTE's overall bill at Jimmy's: $3.

Highlight #2 of the night: Four or five days later, Liana texted me that while I was dancing my pants off, I had also been knocking her tooth out. Apparently, I was cutting le rug and happened to knock Liana's beer bottle into her teeth, chipping one of her front two. Thankfully, her beautiful visage still in tact and the chip was so minor, it had already smoothed itself out. (Sorry about that Liana. I can totes recommend a great dentist, if you happen to be looking for one...)

The next morning, we headed over to Alison's Country Cafe to continue the pigoutfest. They have a big menu, and trust me when I say this, THERE.IS.NO.WRONG.CHOICE. Every meal (at least as far as breakfasts go) is served with their fresh raspberry jam that is TO.DIE.FOR. (Do you see my extensive usage of all caps??? THAT'S.HOW.GOOD.IT.IS.)

I ordered Jeff's Favorite- scrambled eggs, sausage patties, country potatoes with cheese on top, wheat toast, and an orange juice. I am fucking drooling just typing this... Overall bill at Alison's: $16...? (total guess.)

Hope your weekend was a great as mine! (I'm sure it wasn't anywhere close, so let's stop pretending.)

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