I'm not really sure how this whole "rapture" thing works, but I know I'm still working a 9-5 and paying bills and bitching about how my jeans are too tight. So I'm assuming it never happened. Unless it actually did happen and I'm in an alternate universe that mimics life on earth, which is just crazytalk so I'm going to pretend I never even mentioned that. But I WILL assume that if I lost any readers over the weekend it was because their asses got raptured. Or ruptured.
Since everyone was all up in arms about the end of the world, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and plan for the end. And by "plan for the end", I really mean "pamper myself and eat a ton of shit".
Saturday morning Boyfriend and I splurged our faces off by going in for a massage. Now, before you say it, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I AM poor and NO I can't afford to live this lavish lifestyle. BUT. My massage was actually paid for by my good friend Kim- it was her gift to me for being in her wedding. And Boyfriend's massage was a birthday gift from me because his birthday was just last week. Anypoor. We went to The Massage Place, which neither of us had ever been to before. If you've never been and you've always wondered what's like, it's totally worth it. The massages are muuuuch more affordable than they would be at a spa. They're inexpensive because they don't splurge on any of that spa-like environment shit. Not in the slightest.
They have several locations, but the one we went to was basically a counter with a receptionist and five separate massage rooms. The room I had was furnished with a heated massage bed with sheets and a blanket, a little shelf-bookcase thing where you can put your clothes and purse, and a boombox playing meditation music. My massuese was a hippy from New Jersey who was shoeless and used coconut oil that left me smelling like empanadas. I wanted to eat my own arm off by the time I was done, it seriously did smell like someone was baking pies. She was very sweet and chilled out when I squeeked "umm... a little easier please...?" My massage lasted exactly one hour from the time she started. It was very relaxing and I could tell when I met up with Boyfriend in the lobby that he was very relaxed as well because he looked like he was crazy drunk.
After our massages, we headed out for a picnic at Malibu Winery. I'd been here once before for my friend Danielle's graduation. I knew it was a BEAUTIFUL location and very popular. And if it's good enough for the rich hipsters of Calabasas and Malibu, well, it's good enough for me.
No children allowed at this rapture party.
They have two of those adobe huts where they offer wine tastings. The one we got consisted of Sparkling wine, Chardonnay, Rose, Merlot, and a specialty wine they created for The Tour of California bike race. Now, I'm NO wine connoisseur. In fact I usually think wine tastes like heartburn. But I decided if I'm about to be raptured, this is probably a good time to check off "drink wine" from my bucket list.
Everyone was out doing pre-rapture celebrations.
With our food from Blue Table, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, lunch was PERFECT. I had the Caprese panini and Boyfriend had the Italian sandwich. Both delicious, but I think I'll get the Italian next time. We also got chips and a sausage and asparagus side dish. All totally worth it.
Yours truly and Boyfriend. I had to throw this one in.
Coincidentally, I ran into my friend Kristen, whom I haven't seen in years. I say coincidentally because she is the BEST at pimping out my blog. Just the day before this picnic, her Facebook status was a statement about how everyone should "Like" my blog before the rapture comes.
My view once I realized I'd had enough to drink and was ready for a nap.
Boyfriend and I headed back home for a much needed wine-coma.
That night, we met up with my BFF, along with Boyfriend's brother and one of his friends for birthday-week drinks. With this being the rapture and everything, I decided to go out with a bang.
Strongbow, potato skins, and steak salad. Salad because I'm on a diet, you see.
So, that was my rapture weekend. Did you do anything end-of-the-worldy?
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Since everyone was all up in arms about the end of the world, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and plan for the end. And by "plan for the end", I really mean "pamper myself and eat a ton of shit".
Saturday morning Boyfriend and I splurged our faces off by going in for a massage. Now, before you say it, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I AM poor and NO I can't afford to live this lavish lifestyle. BUT. My massage was actually paid for by my good friend Kim- it was her gift to me for being in her wedding. And Boyfriend's massage was a birthday gift from me because his birthday was just last week. Anypoor. We went to The Massage Place, which neither of us had ever been to before. If you've never been and you've always wondered what's like, it's totally worth it. The massages are muuuuch more affordable than they would be at a spa. They're inexpensive because they don't splurge on any of that spa-like environment shit. Not in the slightest.
They have several locations, but the one we went to was basically a counter with a receptionist and five separate massage rooms. The room I had was furnished with a heated massage bed with sheets and a blanket, a little shelf-bookcase thing where you can put your clothes and purse, and a boombox playing meditation music. My massuese was a hippy from New Jersey who was shoeless and used coconut oil that left me smelling like empanadas. I wanted to eat my own arm off by the time I was done, it seriously did smell like someone was baking pies. She was very sweet and chilled out when I squeeked "umm... a little easier please...?" My massage lasted exactly one hour from the time she started. It was very relaxing and I could tell when I met up with Boyfriend in the lobby that he was very relaxed as well because he looked like he was crazy drunk.
After our massages, we headed out for a picnic at Malibu Winery. I'd been here once before for my friend Danielle's graduation. I knew it was a BEAUTIFUL location and very popular. And if it's good enough for the rich hipsters of Calabasas and Malibu, well, it's good enough for me.
No children allowed at this rapture party.
They have two of those adobe huts where they offer wine tastings. The one we got consisted of Sparkling wine, Chardonnay, Rose, Merlot, and a specialty wine they created for The Tour of California bike race. Now, I'm NO wine connoisseur. In fact I usually think wine tastes like heartburn. But I decided if I'm about to be raptured, this is probably a good time to check off "drink wine" from my bucket list.
Everyone was out doing pre-rapture celebrations.
With our food from Blue Table, and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, lunch was PERFECT. I had the Caprese panini and Boyfriend had the Italian sandwich. Both delicious, but I think I'll get the Italian next time. We also got chips and a sausage and asparagus side dish. All totally worth it.
Yours truly and Boyfriend. I had to throw this one in.
Coincidentally, I ran into my friend Kristen, whom I haven't seen in years. I say coincidentally because she is the BEST at pimping out my blog. Just the day before this picnic, her Facebook status was a statement about how everyone should "Like" my blog before the rapture comes. 
My view once I realized I'd had enough to drink and was ready for a nap.Boyfriend and I headed back home for a much needed wine-coma.
That night, we met up with my BFF, along with Boyfriend's brother and one of his friends for birthday-week drinks. With this being the rapture and everything, I decided to go out with a bang.
Strongbow, potato skins, and steak salad. Salad because I'm on a diet, you see.So, that was my rapture weekend. Did you do anything end-of-the-worldy?
