I'm Going to End Up Eating Kibble When No One's Looking.

I'm sure everyone* (*no one) has been majorly concerned about my whereabouts lately and wondering why my posts have been so few and far between.

So I'm here to tell you all* (*mom) not to worry, everything is going great. And by "great", I mean "fat". And before you embarrass yourself and ask if I'm pregnant, let me say No, I am not pregnant. So when you see me out at happy hour, don't be worried that I'm damaging my unborn baby. There's no baby. It's just waffles.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

I have something to share with you today. It's something that I'm pretty fucking excited about, but I realize that you probably won't give a shit about it. That's totally fine. Based on my analytics, I've come to accept the fact that our friendship "honeymoon" may have come to an end.

Alright, so the big topic of discussion is... my diet.

My diet is shit and I'm gaining weight and I'm not looking good.



With that said, I'm taking a stand against my chins and butts, y'all.

And I'm inviting YOU to stand against my chins and butts with me. (I know what I said.)

I created an account on DailyBurn to track everything I eat. With every item I track, my counter updates and lets me know how many calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, and grams of carbs I have left in the day in order to stay within my "lose weight" range.

If you're interested in making a DailyBurn account to track your food, let me know and we can be buddies! We can totally keep each other motivated AND get ideas from each other for healthy meals. And don't worry- nobody can see your private details (weight). And if we become buddies and it turns out you actually CAN see my weight details, you better fucking pretend like you never saw that shit.
Disclaimer: If you're one of those super competitive people and you have no problem going all anorexic and shit, we can't be friends.

And to get the ball rolling on this bitch, I'm even going to share my digits for today:

See that exclamation point in the "Fat" category? That means I did an OUTSTANDING job at overeating fat today. Also- it looks like someone needs to drink more water.

So... Who's in???

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Easy Pasta.

This recipe started out as a total fluke one night when groceries were slim and Boyfriend and I were being "resourceful". It turned out to be one of my favorite quick meals.

EASY PASTA

Ingredients:
-egg noodles
-butter
-red sauce
-bell pepper, diced
-mozzarella cheese
-salami, chopped to bite sized pieces
-truffle oil (optional)

Forgot to include the damn bell pepper.

Directions:
Cook pasta in salted water according to package. Once cooked, mix with a little butter and truffle oil (this helps it not stick AND the truffle oil adds a nice flavor). Add diced bell peppers, salami, red sauce and mozzarella in any amount that you like. I go easy on the sauce and heavy on everything else. Throw it in the microwave until cheese melts.

I know it looks pretty questionable here, but it's actually really good. And it's really easy to make because, if you're like me, you always have these items on hand.

Boner'ppetite.

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