6.10.2012

Sausagefest. Literally.

This past Memorial Day, we decided to throw an impromptu barbeque. Instead of doing the same old burgers thing, we went for an all-sausage menu: Italian sausage, bratwurst, kielbasa, and hot dogs for the kids.





Biscuit was ready at all times to catch any wieners on the loose.


We invited a couple of friends over and spent the evening relaxing around the grill.

The peppers were a great addition and added that certain je ne sais quoi. (I'm sure that's French for vegetable.)

Boyfriend had the fucking INGENIOUS idea to chop up all the sausages and make mix-n-match sandwiches. Topped with peppers and creamy dijon and served on a toasted roll, it was the kind of stuff dreams are made of.

After dinner, the kids played a riviting game of Gone Fishin'. Those fishing poles are surprisingly hard for small hands to maneuver.

The dessert fruit salad was courtesy of our guests. And since I'm a Fatty McSweetTooth, I topped it with Dream Whip.

Now that summer is here, we'll be keeping this menu on the shortlist.

Boner'ppetite!
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6.06.2012

I'm Tired.

I'm tired of being exhausted.
I'm tired of hurting when I sit.
I'm tired of hurting when I stand.
I'm tired of needing to be near a bathroom at all times.
I'm tired of spending half of the day on the toilet.
I'm tired of not being able to make plans because I don't know how I'm going to feel.
I'm tired of making plans and then having them ruined.
I'm tired of colonoscopies that make my guts feel like I did a thousand sit-ups.
I'm tired of shitting my intestines out.
I'm tired of calling in sick.
I'm tired of spending money on medical bills.
I'm tired of back aches.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of people not knowing.
I'm tired of people acting like it's not a big deal.
I'm tired of trying and still not achieving.
I'm tired of having so many doctors I can't keep them straight.
I'm tired of taking pain relievers every three hours.
I'm tired of not having an appetite even though I know I'm hungry.
I'm tired of hearing "oncology" and "bowel resectioning".
I'm tired of describing a gut-wrenching pain that has no comparison.
I'm tired of waiting to feel better.

I'm tired of endometriosis.
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6.01.2012

Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: The FINAL Installment

Ok, I'm sure most of you have to be thinking "Fuck, MORE Disneyland pictures?? How many pictures can you take in one day????"

Joke's on you. I can take dozens of pictures of a fast food burger alone (just check my iPhone), so imagine the possibilities at a theme park!!!


TUESDAY

We decided to skip breakfast and take our time getting down to the park. Vicki and her family headed to Downtown Disney while Pearl watched cartoons (and I may or may not have straightened my hair).

Just before entering the park, Pearl snapped this beaut. It's a little washed out, but I tend to look better like that anyway.

Welcome to California Adventure!

The water rafting ride I was too chicken to go on because there was a dip involved and people screamed and no thanks.

My favorite ride in the park.

Pearl's favorite ride. At the end of it, Ariel and Prince Eric are animatronics waving at each buggy as it exits. Pearl and I waved back like they were human. One of us really believed they were. I'm not saying who but it was me.

A signature shot.

Pearl's face while we waited in the longest line ever, Toy Story. But even I have to admit, it was worth the wait and funner than I expected.

The Caesar Salad I ordered from the Mexican food stand. I'll tell you one thing, the food at California Adventure blows Disneyland's food out of the water. I equate Disneyland food with overpriced hospital cafeteria. The prices here were probably just as steep, but I felt like I was getting a quality meal, not some burger slop served up by Barth, the chef from You Can't Do That on Television. Also worth noting: THEY SELL BEER IN CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE.

Ever since we saw Puss N Boots, Pearl likes to break into "salsa mode" whenever the mood strikes.

Cotton candy was a dietary staple during this trip. I'm sure you're shocked.


AND YES! MORE RANDOM SHOTS FROM BOTH PARKS!

 Making our grand entrance on Main Street, USA.

My best Chip N' Dale impression while WEARING a Chip N' Dale hat. What's worse- that I was making this face, or that I actually make this face on a regular basis? The world may never know.

I love the face on the girl behind us. And no, there was nothing wrong with her so yes it is okay to laugh.

Someone's obviously way more interested in trying on "cute little hats!!!"

And probably my favorite shot of the day.

Wasn't that fun? It's like you just took a family vacation of your own, only you saved a shit-ton of money and didn't have to deal with all the annoyingly slow people and their 48-seater baby carriages.

Have a great weekend!!!


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5.28.2012

Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: Part II


MONDAY

After a great night of sleep, we headed down to the hotel restaurant for our complimentary breakfast of two eegs, breakfast potatoes, and bacon. The eggs and potatoes were good and hearty. The bacon was shitty and deep fried and grizzly. Gross.



We finally made it to the park just after opening! This is the big exciting moment we've all been waiting for!!!

And by "all", I mean everyone except Pearl. As you can see, she still wasn't sure about this whole "Disneyland" place.

Once we passed the gates and took our round of memorable photos in front of the giant Mickey face, Pearl began to loosen up. And once she saw a costumed Gepetto taking photos with visitors, she was SOLD.

And then, within 10 minutes of entering the park, this happened:


...Boyfriend realized he'd lost his backpack.

Lucky for us, it was still at the front gate where he took it off for pictures. And even more lucky for us, the Disney cops didn't see an unattended backpack sitting in the middle of the park and call the bomb squad.





I'm not sure what's going on with Pearl's mouth here, but I like it. 


Vicki, Tate, and cousin Hope.

It's a Small World

Being cool in Toontown.

Lunch break.

The Mad Hatter.

A butterfly that kept landing on us.

Aaaaand, this is where my stomach hit rock bottom and I got sick. I ended up taking a taxi back to the hotel room and missed the second half of the day.

Jerk stomach.

And with that, our first day at the park came to an end.




Next post: California Adventure!
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5.24.2012

Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: Part I

Two weeks ago was Pearl's 6th birthday. To celebrate not only her birthday (and her recent non-fear of grown ass adults in full body costumes), but also her cousin's birthday AND Boyfriend's birthday, we had planned to go Disneyland for over a year.

If you've never been to Disneyland, here's the lay of the land:

Downtown Disney: An outdoor shopping strip filled with overpriced Disney-themed paraphernalia and family dining establishments, located just outside of the park. It's open to the public and you don't need tickets to get in.

Disneyland:  The real deal Holyfield. This is the main attraction where you see giant characters darting in and out of unmarked doors, trying to get from one location to another without getting mauled by a thousand sweaty little kids. The themes within the park include Main Street USA, Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, Adventureland, Frontierland, Toontown, and New Orleans Square.

California Adventure: A more laid-back, less-populated theme park directly across from Disneyland. The themes are comprised of locations throughout California, like the Santa Cruz boardwalk, Cannery Row in San Francisco, Napa Valley, etc.

Since I took approximately 84,000 photos during our visit to all three locations, I can pretty much guarantee this post is going to be 95% photo dump. And because I have so many pictures to post, I'll most likely break it up into three entries.

So, while I realize I may lose some of you with the boring-lovey-dovey-sweet-family stuff, I'm okay with it because this is more like one of those personal "journal" type entries. Hopefully, you can follow along and appreciate what it's like to be at the happiest place on earth.


_____________________________________________________________

SUNDAY

Exiting the freeway, we got turned around and somehow missed the huge signs saying "DOWNTOWN DISNEY - RIGHT TWO LANES". To get us back on track, I pulled up mapquest on my phone. Only stupid mapquest rerouted us to Disney, Oklahoma.

Needless to say, I figured that one out when I saw that according to mapquest, Disneyland was only 1,500 miles.

We got to Anaheim around 1:30pm and met up Boyfriend's sister and her family for lunch at The Rainforest Cafe.

I got a cheeseburger and INHALED it.

The bun was pretty sorry looking, but my mouth didn't care.

From there, we hit up the much-anticipated "Build-A-Bear" store.

The girls typing in their new Build-A-Bear's "birth certificate".

While we were there, we saw a girl who was shopping for hats for her mini pig.

He was my favorite Build-A-Bear.

The hotel we stayed at is called The Anabella. I would HIGHLY recommend it to fellow Disneyland visitors. It's located one block from the park, and there's a nicely landscaped walkway straight to Downtown Disney. Both Boyfriend and I thought the beds were super comfy, the exterior of the hotel was nicely landscaped with lush plants, and the rooms were very affordable (especially compared to the Disney hotels). The only downside I noticed was the couch- it's not very cushy and you can feel every spring. But that's because it's a pull-out couch. And also, it was really just the little girls who were sitting on the couch anyway and they're young enough to tough it out.

The girls slept in the alcove bed around the corner. 

Dressing space separate from the bathroom. 

The garden outside of our rooms. 

The hotel grounds.

Since we didn't have park tickets for Sunday, we all just relaxed at the hotel pool that first evening.






And by "all", I mean Vicki and I relaxed while the dads provided water transportation services all around the pool.

That night, we had dinner at the hotel restaurant, Tangerine. Pearl wore a princess dress and I ordered a vegetable sandwich loaded with goat cheese. Neither is very surprising.



Worth noting: The hotel restaurant has a DELICIOUS, fruity cocktail called The Tangerita (I think...). If you go there, order it.

After dinner, everyone was pooped. So we all headed back to our rooms and called it a night.

Next post: Disneyland!!!
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5.20.2012

Jello Mold.

Have you ever seen a jello mold before? I went to a baby shower for a good friend a couple of weeks ago and they had two there. I don't remember seeing a jello mold ever before, but I have to admit, when I saw one of these I was pretty amazed.

So, the first one seemed like a jazzed up, but still fairly standard version. It involved some kind of milk product (possibly condensed), which is what turned it white.


Since I LOVE condensed milk, I went for it.

The flavor was very mild and subtle and the texture was no different than normal jello. It was tasty and I liked it.

The other jello mold was the fanciest floral masterpiece I think I'll probably ever see created out of gelatin.


I was sure there was an artificial flower set into the middle. But when I saw someone easily slice all the way through the middle of it, I couldn't believe my eyes.

overhead shot

The entire piece was jello.

I have no idea how this voodoo magic was created, but I was impressed to say the least.

Do you know how to make these? If so, please share!

Boner'ppetite!

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5.14.2012

I Should Have Brought Immodium...

I'm on a family vacation right now with Pearl and Boyfriend and Boyfriend's sister and her family. I was happily enjoying the Disneyland park when all of a sudden my stomach hit the switches and said "OH HELLS NO. You will NOT be having a good time on MY watch." Things went from 0 to 60 in record time and now here I am, laid out in the hotel room while the rest of the group enjoys all the amenities Walt Disney has to offer.

While laying here I decided to look through the camera and pretend I'm not in diarrhea agony, daydream I'm actually back at the park, check out the shots I got. That's when I noticed something that I thought was worth sharing.

Kids have great skin.

I mean, really great, fucking perfect-looking porcelain skin.

In EVERY single shot of Pearl and her cousin, they're both rosy and cherub-cheeked, bright-eyed, happy and natural looking in front of the camera, clear complected, energetic and full of life... I could go on forever.

And the pictures of me? There's a 50/50 chance that I'll look like some kind of Rosie O'DonnellSteven Cojocaru/ Crypt Keeper/ grizzly bear hybrid.

My eyelids are all heavy and bloodshot and look like I haven't slept in 3 years. And the dark circles underneath look like I've been hidden away like Flowers in the Attic. My cheeks are puffy and saggy like fucking Droopy Dog on crack. My teeth are turning 28 shades of "shit" and I have no idea why because I don't smoke OR drink coffee, and Yes, I do brush my teeth on a regular basis. My hair looks like I'm wearing a sorry fucking 1994 Selena wig. I could go on, but I can tell I'm about 5 minutes away from another bathroom visit so I better cut it short.

I'm not telling you all this to get sympathetic "Aw, you look great!".

I'm telling you this so you'll be aware. And join me in cursing that bitch, Mother Nature.

Happy Monday.

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5.01.2012

Semi-Homemade Taquitos.

Tonight I came home with an awful headache. I knew I needed to eat something, but I didn't feel like making much of an effort.

So with a little help from Trader Joe...

Trader Joe's Black Bean and Cheese Taquitos

And one of these...

Avocado, salt, onion powder, and lime juice

And some of these guys...

 Sour cream and Mexican Cotija Cheese

I came up with this:


Sandra Lee isn't the only one who can throw some pre-made shit together and call it "homemade".

Also- you better believe I ate every bite.

Boner'ppetite!


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