The Story of TILTE, as Told by TILTE (AKA It's My Birthday So I'm Making This One All About Me).

My birthday is coming up this weekend and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a bust. This is why: It's on a Sunday, which means A) It will get overlooked by coworkers and B) People are either hungover or doing dumb family shit.

I guess that's all fine and well, it's not like it's a special-number birthday or anything. I'm going to be the magical age of 32, which means absolutely nothing in the spectrum of "special birthdays".

I always fancy myself as being much more important than I really am and usually like to celebrate with "Birthday Week", a time in which I don't acknowledge anyone else's plans and typically fall asleep elbows deep in a bag of taco flavored Doritos. (Just kidding, taco flavor only came out a year ago.) (It's usually nacho flavored.)

So if you don't have anything better to do, head over to my Facebook page and say Happy Birthday! Or ask me any question you want! I'll answer it as long as it's not creepy.

For now, I'm going to tell you the story of TILTE, based on photos found on my Facebook, Myspace, and Photobucket accounts.

Once upon a time, TILTE was born. Actually, it wasn't really "once upon a time" so much as it was actually April 1, 1980. She had a head full of crazy fucked up hair that is an embarrassment even to this day. Thank God it didn't take long for her to get cute.

She did all the usual kid stuff like hoard neighborhood cats and sneak bites out of the butter stick when no one was looking.

She made it all the way through kid'dom without ever breaking a bone or getting majorly busted for anything.

In high school, she studied French and spent her free time making collages and reading Choose Your Own Adventure books doing super cool things like riding in convertables and hanging out with celebrities.

She also went to prom with her cousin.

Although I can't put my finger on why she could never get a date.

In college, she dyed her hair all kinds of ridiculous colors that were completely unnatural for someone of her ethnicity (What is her ethnicity anyway...?).

There was also a lot of this...

After college, she backpacked through all the important countries in Europe.

She liked it so much, she made the move to London.

And married a Brit.

...And then divorced a Brit.

Along the way, she was blessed with the beautiful and talented, Biscuit the WonderDog.

She spent several years working in a dental office.

And then someone very special came into her life.

And brought along one of these.

And now her days are filled with things like this:

...and this:

...and this.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

The end.

Wasn't that a good story?


Sara Louise said...

That was an awesome story and I'm really really happy you told it :)
Joyeux Anniversaire TILTE! (since you took French and all)

Anonymous said...

That was an EXCELLENT story, my friend! And you always get a birthday week, regardless of what day it falls on. Sunday means you can extend it even more, so get on that...cupcakes and wine for all!

Happy Birthday week!

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Awww! That WAS a good story! I like how you got all sappy at the end there. Happy almost birthday! In my husband's house, people had to "do your bidding" all day on your birthday, no matter what the request. Might I suggest instituting the same policy in your own home? :)

Also, LOVED that pic from the Brit wedding. Even though we don't love the Brit. :)

Anonymous said...

i love the story of TILTE. you are and have always been pretty, smart and badass. btw-JUSTIN bought YOU a birthday present. speaking from experience, 32 is very glamorous. you'll find that eating doritos with white satin gloves is better than using your bare hands.

Anonymous said...

Good story? GREAT story.

Happy early birthday.

Anonymous said...

I want you to be my stepmom! Loved this!! Happy early Birthday!

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...


Erin said...

I am loving this life-story-in-a-nutshell business. I may steal it. You're a trend setter!

Sarah Lindahl said...

That was a great story! You look like Vanessa Lachey. I saw her on tv the other day and I kept thinking, "who does she LOOK like???" and it was bugging me and then it occurred to me: TILTE! Happy Birthday! 32 was a great year for me. I hope it is for you too!

Riot Kitty said...

Awww! Happy birthday!

Nikosmommy said...

Happy birthday gurl!!! Great life story/recap!' love this kinda post,,,it's so interesting where life takes a person! ( u were a beautiful bride btw!!!)

Kara said...

Best recap ever!!

And it would be hard to have a terrible birthday when you have that adorable pup WITH SOCKS ON

Simone Says... said...

32 is a magical year. it's the year i went off birth control. it's the year i managed a band. it's the year i fell in love with my boyfriend's best friend. lots can happen in your 32nd year.

thanks for the darling story of your life. is it possible to fall more in love with you?

KG said...

Not only a GOOD story, but a GREAT one!

Melbourne on my mind said...

Oh, hai. I'm so glad to find that someone else went to their formal (Australian for prom) with their cousin.

Also, this was an excellent story! Also also, happy birthday! :)

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

I wish my cousin had agreed to take me to prom. What a jerk. He also wouldn't let me sleep with him that night I accidentally watched The Ring.

Elle said...

I am a new reader and I liked this story so much that I am now a follower! Whoop di whoop!! Love Elle xo

Sara said...

BEST. POST. EVER. Happy birthday to my wonderful blog friend! I hope you had an amazing day, despite it being a boring-ass Sunday (aren't Sundays the worst days for birthdays?). Loved all the photos and the story. Totally cracking up.

MRanthrope said...

Happy Belated Birthday. From those photos it looks like you've had quite the life at only 32. Now that I'm in my late 20's I find myself saying stuff like only _____. haha

lasophia said...

OMG you are so funny. Your bday has passed by now. I think we need an update. I'm a former butter (and cheese) biter myself and have never had enough money to dye my hair colors that dont go with my ethnicity. But Im jealous that you did.


© Things I Like to Eat (...and Other Nonsense), AllRightsReserved.

Designed by ScreenWritersArena