I'm Going to End Up Eating Kibble When No One's Looking.

I'm sure everyone* (*no one) has been majorly concerned about my whereabouts lately and wondering why my posts have been so few and far between.

So I'm here to tell you all* (*mom) not to worry, everything is going great. And by "great", I mean "fat". And before you embarrass yourself and ask if I'm pregnant, let me say No, I am not pregnant. So when you see me out at happy hour, don't be worried that I'm damaging my unborn baby. There's no baby. It's just waffles.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

I have something to share with you today. It's something that I'm pretty fucking excited about, but I realize that you probably won't give a shit about it. That's totally fine. Based on my analytics, I've come to accept the fact that our friendship "honeymoon" may have come to an end.

Alright, so the big topic of discussion is... my diet.

My diet is shit and I'm gaining weight and I'm not looking good.

With that said, I'm taking a stand against my chins and butts, y'all.

And I'm inviting YOU to stand against my chins and butts with me. (I know what I said.)

I created an account on DailyBurn to track everything I eat. With every item I track, my counter updates and lets me know how many calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, and grams of carbs I have left in the day in order to stay within my "lose weight" range.

If you're interested in making a DailyBurn account to track your food, let me know and we can be buddies! We can totally keep each other motivated AND get ideas from each other for healthy meals. And don't worry- nobody can see your private details (weight). And if we become buddies and it turns out you actually CAN see my weight details, you better fucking pretend like you never saw that shit.
Disclaimer: If you're one of those super competitive people and you have no problem going all anorexic and shit, we can't be friends.

And to get the ball rolling on this bitch, I'm even going to share my digits for today:

See that exclamation point in the "Fat" category? That means I did an OUTSTANDING job at overeating fat today. Also- it looks like someone needs to drink more water.

So... Who's in???


aki! said...

... You seriously can't show up with that picture when the other day I was looking down and counting one chin, two chin, three chin....

And I'm here eating some hot cheetos. You come in with this website! I'm not much of a write down everything I eat kinda gal, but support for healthy living is ALWAYS nice. I just popped another cheeto in my mouth. But I'll look at the site!

Suz Lund said...

I would join you, but well I don't need to loose any weight...... I will be with you in spirit if not in actuality. Site looks great, but you need way more water <3<3

Hannah @ The New Black said...

I hope you're better an sticking to it than I am. I sporadically use MyFitnessPal.com and find that I only enter what I eat during they day. Yep, I conveniently forget to enter all my evening eats...which apparently is when all the good eating is going on!

Erin said...

Um, Suz can kiss my gelatinous white butt. I'm using the "Lose It" app for the iPhone. Something's got to give, or else I'm destined for the big ladies' store. I CAN'T GO IN THERE. IT MUSN'T HAPPEN. By the way, I think we probably all thought you were dealing with your new job. But I'm glad you're back, love. Now, stay.

MRanthrope said...

goodluck in your quest. I'm almost certain my diet is worse than everyone who participates in your food log/chart thing so I disqualify myself from entering.

Coyote Rose said...

You don't look fat! It's fall everyone is putting on weight for winter (I know I am). Its our bodies natural process for staying warm in the cold months.

Megs said...

I'm going to go check it out at least. the problem is I'll do it for like a week and then wander off somewhere to eat cake and admire the shiny pretty things.

We'll see.

The Sweetest said...

I don't have time for no account, but I'll stand against your butts any time.

Simone Says... said...

i'll raise your chins by my chins...

Deborah said...

Now you are speaking my language!

I'm on Fatsecret with a side of Fitday thrown in though.

I'm a fatty fatty two by four and want to change it up.

I have a hard time believing you're in a bad way (cutie-patootie), but nip it before it become a bud for sure.

smooches and good luck!

Kim said...

I dislike strongly calorie counting but I do it (on and off) on the livestrong.com website, using myplate. The only issue (assholes) is that it used to be free to track your weight, set goals, etc. and now they charge for it and I'm cheap so I just try to stay in a comfy range.

Also, I noticed the better I eat, the less my IBS/gluten sensitivity/disgusting excuse for a stomach acts up. So win, win?

<3 Luck to you my dear.

suki said...

goooood luck! :) glad to hear you didn't go get yourself knocked up.

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