Remember That Wedding I Was In?

Last Saturday I was in a wedding. I've known the bride since junior high and I've known the other bridesmaid since second grade. It was a pretty big deal since we're all good friends and the bride was the last one in this little group to get married.

The day started off great with an appointment to get my hair and makeup done. This is the first time I've really splurged on something like this (I did my own makeup when I got married) so I was luh-luh-loving the pampered life. In my head, I had high hopes of walking out of the salon looking like the most beautiful cross between Heidi Klum, Gisele Bundchen, and Helena Christensen. In reality, I walked out of the salon looking like Miss Singapore.

Allow me to clarify: I loved my hair and makeup. LOVED. Everything came out beautiful. I had just set my sights in the wrong direction. Next time, I need to think more along the lines of Lucy Liu and Margaret Cho. For some reason, I thought my stylist was also a magician and could turn me into a 100lb caucasian supermodel. Lesson learned.

By the time I got home from my Toddlers and Tiaras makeover, I only had a few minutes before it was time to leave for the hotel. I decided to get my strength up with a little power snack so I'd be ready for the big day.

The next couple of hours were spent throwing back mimosas, eating homemade Danish cookies leftover from the rehearsal dinner (I was the only one eating them. And by eating, I mean inhaling.), and making sure the bride had everything she needed. The other bridesmaid and I managed to snap a few pix in our spare time. Of ourselves, of course. That's What Friends Are For.

The ceremony was originally supposed to be held on the grounds of the beach hotel where they were staying, but shit ended up getting cold and windy, so plans got moved indoors.

It was a beautiful day. Based on this picture, you'd never even guess it was like Hurricane Katrina out there.

This bride was ready to get the show on the road. Seriously. She left us in the dust as we headed to the ceremony.

Made it through the wind tunnel and still looking good. Well played.

This is where I start to fail on the photo opps. I was busy with being a bridesmaid and posing in wedding party photos and generally trying not to look like an asshole. So I missed a lot of key shots. Like my outfit. This is the best shot of my dress and flowers.

The reception was buffet style. You know what that means. :::Jackpot in my stomach::: This is an awful photo, so you'll have to take my word for it: This shit was DEEEEELICIOUS. I served myself up some chicken in white wine sauce, green salad with a crazy looking bread roll, pesto pasta salad, haricot vert, and mashed potatoes with gravy. Also known as, everything at the buffet.

I made my speech and it went off without a hitch. Except for the fact that I fucking forgot it, like a moron, back in the bridal suite. I did my best at winging it and even got a few laughs which was a relief because I was desperate enough to pull out the old :::mic tap::: "Is this thing on...?"

The wedding had some special touches customized to this particular bride and groom. The cake toppper was a nurse pulling a fireman behind her. The garter song was Fire by The Ohio Players, which I was super excited about because I love me some disco. (You know the song. The one from the Hells Kitchen show with Gordon Ramsey.) (Don't pretend like you've never seen it.)

Boyfriend and I were seated a table full of close friends and we had a great time. I'm sure you'll be surprised to know I had two slices of cake because I realized (after I'd eaten it) that I had been served white cake with strawberry filling, when I really wanted the carrot cake with apricot cream cheese filling. Well since no one puts baby in the corner, I casually sauntered back up to the cake table and got seconds. What. Sue me.

So full, I can't even breathe.

That's my wedding wrap-up. A beautiful day for a beautiful couple. Congrats Mark and Kim.

PS: Mark's dad is Terry Bradshaw's twin. You can see him standing off to the right.


theTsaritsa said...

I would have gone back for the second cake, too. I like strawberry filling, but carrot cake is the jam!

Bonnie said...

I love how much you eat.
It makes me feel better about myself.
Like when I eat 4 bowls of cereal and still feel hungry so I get a fifth.
Also, if I would have had to "wing it" at a wedding, I would have barfed.
So nicely played.

Twitter: @GlamKitten88

mina2 said...

you looked like you could be in an episode of madmen (boyfriend included). when was the cake served? you ate two pieces for me!!!! i sat in perfect alignment with that beauty but had to give up on it at 10 pm. luckily you were next to me for laughs instead of stealing a back piece of the cake and going into a diabetic coma. tank you.

The Velveteen said...

you and boyfriend look HAWT!

Wombat Central said...

Girl, you were the purtiest Miss Singapore evah. Mmm. Carrot cake.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Your dress and flowers etc. looked smokin'! And that's the only time I will comment on weddingy things. But I very much enjoyed your take on this wedding. Very amusing. And HELLS YES on the cake switcheroo. I very much appreciate tasting this delicious cake but I WANT THAT ONE! I'm with you sistah!

Sara said...

I love this post! I really think we must meet up and eat our way through an entire city. Between the two of us, there wouldn't be a crumb left. My friends still make fun of me for the 6 pieces of wedding cake I had at a wedding back in 2002. Like it's the stuff legends are made of. :)

Simone Says... said...

you are so beautiful.

StephanieC said...

You looked lovely. BF is cute, too.

We're not even going to have a wedding cake. Will you still be internet friends with me?

I'm worried about hair and make-up.

Glad you had a good time. The couple looks cute and happy. Bummer 'bout the weather.


hed said...


That one shot of the dress makes it look like it's a dress that could be re-usable in the future-is that ghetto?


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