6.29.2010

Just a Quick Poll...

Several years back my mom's good friend Alice got remarried. I remember one day after I moved out, my mom was talking about how she was bored now with an empty house. I told her she should call Alice to hang out. She said that Alice can't hang out in the evenings or weekends because that's when her husband is home and "she can't just go out when her husband is home". Years later, this conversation still makes me stop dead in my tracks and say "What......?". I never liked the mentality that once someone gets married, they have to sit at their spouse's feet, run every decision by them, and never see the light of day again.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not against married couples doing lots of stuff together. In fact, it makes me drool in jealousy when husbands and wives want to include each other in their activities. But something about not having a life outside of each other and giving up social activities because "that's when her husband is home" just seems soooo archiac.


When I got married, I never really gave up hanging out with my friends. We still go out dancing... to pig out at afternoon tea... to window shop in stores we can't afford... to grab drinks at new bars... Is that a bad thing?


Since my mom reads this blog and knows I've been hanging out with my friends more often lately, she schooled me and said I shouldn't be going out. That's what reminded me of the conversation about Alice.


Maybe it's just a change in thought from my mom's generation to mine. After all, there is about a hundred years difference there. Maybe I'm just being unrealistic in what most marriages are like. What do you guys think...? I'd really like to know.




(At our wedding rehearsal. Keith is down to business, as per usual. I am hamming it up, as per usual.)

14 comments:

Mrs. C said...

I think it is a generational thing - my mom feels the same way as your mom.

LaceyRee said...

I agree. My parents aren't too bad, but my mom's sister is the same as Alice.

Wombat Central said...

I think couples need to do things as couples, but it's also important to do something on your own or with friends.

Jessica said...

Having friends is very, very important!

allison said...

you gotta have your own lives. or you might end up killing each other.

Nikosmommy said...

Yup, I went through this too with my mom. She had 3 kids and no family in town so she had no "help" to babysit. Going out was a chore (because she needed a b-sitter) and she really never went out without my dad. NOW times have changed for her and she goes out with friends but she'll still drop everything for my dad.

I go out all the time with my girls...and husband goes out with his friends too. Whatevs!
I went to Vegas when my first kid was 2,,,and of COURSE got the stink eye from my mom. She didn't think it was appropriate to go "party" in Vegas without my husband. Guess they're just from a different (whack) generation!!!
P.S. your hubs looks like Ryan Seacrest in this pic...Cuteness!

Deborah said...

I'm guessing I'm around your mom's age, but I've never understood this as well.

When I got divorced six years ago I had a hard time finding anyone to hang out with! So I started dating. Ha!

Cute husband!

Chrystal said...

I used to be the person who would wait for Jason to do anything. But I realized that it wasn't good for either of us. He would tell me - geez go out with your girl friends! If all you do is hang out with each other and do everything together - what do you talk about? Having friends keeps your own relationship interesting - I think.

LiLu said...

I certainly don't plan on it! You can't spend every second together, yanno? Definitely need to have a life outside!

RN Mama said...

You're married? I had no idea. I thought you were a single girl!

Just jokers. Ok, actually, I am a little serious. I hate to say this, but I'm in your Mom's rule of thinking, but I don't want to be. I want to hang with you. I want to go to bars and window shop, and get an ankle bracelet like Lindsey Lohan.

Coyote Rose said...

My mom is the same way about this. My sister and I would ask her if she wanted to go shopping with us or to the movies, and it was always "No you're Stepdad is going to be home in 2 hours." It's like she doesn't have a life outside him.

And that was before she had my two baby sisters, now its just too hard to go out without a whole group of people to assist her.

La Llorona said...

I think it's important to have a common interest with your husband. If you don't do things together, you'll drift apart. But I think it is equally important to do things apart with your own friends. Keeps you sane and keeps your brain from atrophying.

Ally said...

I'm totally with you! You need to have a little fun and girlfriends are so important. I love going out but because I've "been there, done that" a bit too much as a youngster, now my idea of fun is girls night out dinners (I don't drink), coffee or mani/pedis with girls, shopping, etc. I'm feeling my age, I don't even really go to shows (concerts) much anymore, but I always make time for my girls. It's hard to get them to do things most nights though.

Jamie said...

We do a LOT together (the blessing/curse of marrying your best friend) but we still need go and do our own thing with our separate friends or we would go bananas. BANANAS.

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