Okay, let's get this show on the road. I think the cleanest, fairest way to do this is to list items that really get on my fucking nerves. These items can then have a chance to rebuttal in my comments section below. Let the hate commence.
-I hate when I go into the ladies room and there's a GD sorority pledge going on in there. Ladies, move your house elsewhere. I go in there to take care of business, not talk about which bikinis are in style and braid each other's hair. SCRAM. (This also applies to stall cell-phone-talkers. Pigs.)
-I hate when people try to get shit for free. I was standing in line at Coffee Bean the other day, and the woman in front of me was taking all damn day trying to decide what she wanted. Then she wanted to have tasters of everything. Then- the icing on the cake- she was trying to get the CB associate to offer her a free anything-she-wants if she doesn't like her muffin. Lady, get real. He didn't actually bake your muffin and he doesn't actually care if you like it.
-I hate it when my dogs act like jerks and clobber people out of unrestrained happiness. I know it's my fault for not playing jedi mind tricks with them like Cesar has taught me, but I'm telling you, these two are buck wild. They're total dream dogs when we're just sitting around watching TV. But the second we walk in the house from a hard day at work, those two cujos start hopping around like they're on crystal meth. Yesterday, Kosmo's giant sabertooth got me right on my elbow bone, which immediately made me see red. Did you know there's a connection between your elbow and eyeballs? Me neither.
-I hate it when I order food and somehow it comes not exaaaactly how my mouth had envisioned it. Since my lunch at CPK the other day was so good, I decided to go back yesterday. BAD IDEA. The CPK chef thought he'd be a real wisecracker and put about 5,000 scallions in my salad, resulting in not only my inability to whisper secrets for the rest of the day, but also a debilitating case of the heartburns. Hey chef, if I wanted a lunch based solely on the plant genus Allium, I would have gone to Outback and ordered myself 20 Bloomin' Onions.
-I hate when all my jeans keep shrinking everytime I wash them. Same thing goes for my shorts. And my underwear. -Eventhough I actually hang dry anything that has the potentional to lose .00001% of it's original size. I guess my real fear on this one is that my waist/ belly/ chins just keep multiplying as I sleep and one day I will wake up looking like the mother from What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
-I hate when people have no manners. If you're at the cashier/ hostess/ counter and someone is expected to give you some sort of service, get off your ridiculous looking Calabasas bedazzled phone and act like a normal human being. Have some respek.
Alright, that's it for now. I know there's a shazload more where that came from, but right now I have too many things going on to really concentrate. Stay tuned, friends. I'm sure this list will have many more updated versions to come. If you really need more hate, visit this youtuber. (Warning, mom- it is filled with f-bombs and your ears may bleed after listening to it. But it's still funny and totally blogworthy.)