White Bean and Sausage Rigatoni.

I'm pretty sure I don't even need to say "I found this wonderful recipe in my FAVORITE magazine, Anyone Can Cook" because just about everything I make comes from there.

So.

I found this wonderful recipe in my favorite magazine, Anyone Can Cook.

It's for baked pasta.

And if there's one thing I like to do, it's eat the shit out of some pasta.

WHITE BEAN AND SAUSAGE RIGATONI

INGREDIENTS:

-6 cups (or one box) dried rigatoni
-8 oz. cooked kielbasa
-1/2 of a 6 oz. can Italian-style tomato paste
-1/4 cup dry red wine or reduced-sodium chicken broth
-2 10 oz. packages frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-drained
-2 14.5 oz. cans diced tomatoes with basil, oregano, and garlic, undrained
1 15 oz. can Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained
1/3 cup grated or finely shredded Parmesan cheese



Preheat oven to 375F. Cook rigatoni according to package. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.



Cut kielbasa in half lengthwise, then cut into bite size pieces. In a small bowl, combine tomato paste and chicken broth.



Add kielbasa, tomato paste mixture, spinach, tomatoes, and beans to the rigatoni; stir to combine. Transfer to an ungreased 3-quart rectangular baking dish.



Bake, covered, about 25 minutes or until heated through. Uncover; sprinkle with Parmesan. Bake, uncovered, about 5 minutes or until cheese melts. Makes 6 to 8 servings.



NOTES:
-I used chicken broth instead of red wine.
-20 oz of spinach is way too much, IMO. Next time I think I would take it down to 10-12 oz.
-I couldn't find Great Northern beans at my grocery store. I went with standard "White Beans" and I loved it. Boyfriend wasn't so crazy about the beans in general, but I think it was actually my favorite part.
-Add as much Parmesan as you want. It's impossible to have too much. Also, only used fresh. It's way better than the dusty canned stuff.

This is a pretty hearty meal and it's simple to make. Perfect for rainy days or a quick family dinner.

Boner'ppetite.

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New Things to Keep Your Eyeballs Enterainted While You Sit at Your Desk and Pretend to Work.

Both of my sisters started blogs.

Crazy shit, right?

Shut up. Yes it is crazy.

You would think it was crazy if you actually knew them.

Check out their blogs during down time in between my posts. Which basically means ANY time because I hardly ever post these days.

Unnamed sister A (Bigger Than Average Mom) is writing about trying to lose weight and UTIs at Ramblings of a Bigger Than Average Mom. Apparently, talking about TMI runs in the family. Who knew.

And unnamed sister B (the NumberWhisperer) is writing about random family stories and work stuff at Original Thoughts of an Unoriginal Thinker. She has three young sons and I'm pretty sure she hates life sometimes (ironically, those two things aren't even related).

When comparing all of our blogs, mine probably fits right in between their two. Which, coincidentally, is pretty much how we are in real life, too.

Make sure to check those mofos out.


Also?

OMFG!! THERE'S ONLY 38 DAYS, 3 HOURS, AND 17 MINUTES TILL CHRISTMAS!!!

(Picture courtesy of my new favorite site, codyketchum.tumblr.com)

I just get a little excited, okay.

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Semi-Homemade Cupcakes.

I originally had these cupcakes at my friend Rachel's birthday party for her one year old son. They were delicious.

And although I was tentative and skeptical at first because they're vegan (VEGAN??!?), I ended up fucking inhaling it in two seconds flat. And then I had another. Because I like even numbers.

Trader Joe's Vegan Cupcakes

CAKE INGREDIENTS
-Trader Joe's cake mix
-3 tbsp flax seed powder
-Canola oil
-9 tbsp water
-Almond Breeze Vanilla



DIRECTIONS:
-Combine flax seed and water until mixed. Set aside.



Follow cake directions, substituting flax seed mixture for eggs AND Almond Breeze for water. Bake according to package.



When cupcakes are done (Use a toothpick to check- if it comes out clean, it's done.), set aside to cool.



FROSTING INGREDIENTS
-Trader Joe's White Frosting Mix
-Canola Oil
-Almond Breeze
-Strawberries



DIRECTIONS
Follow directions according to package, substituting oil for butter AND Almond Breeze for water. Frost your cakes.



Top each cupcake with slices of fresh strawberry.



Eat it.

Worth Noting:
-Rachel used Trader Joe's Vanilla Bean cake mix; I used Golden Yellow cake mix. Both came out great, IMO.
-I noticed buttermilk was one of the ingredients in the cake mix. I'm not sure if that totally cancels out this whole "vegan" thing I have going on here.
-Do NOT omit the strawberry. It seriously makes the cupcake.
-I had some problems with my frosting. At first I thought it had too much oil, so I added some powdered sugar to soak it up. Then it was too clumpy. Boyfriend suggested adding more Almond Breeze. The combination of the extra Almond Breeze and several minutes with the electric mixer resulted in a perfect consistency.
-I LOVE these cupcakes. In fact, just posting these pictures has been making my mouth water. However, not everyone in my family was as impressed with them. My mom complained about tasting canola oil, my nephew Hogan grinned from ear-to-ear when he politely said "I hate it.", and a couple of other family members thought they tasted more like banana-nut bread or corn bread muffins. Just a heads up.
-You can also just make these totally non-vegan.

Boner'ppetite.

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A Halloween Post. And Yes, I Know I'm a Week Late.

Last year, Halloween ended up being a bust because I wound up with a migraine ON Halloween night. And when I finally came out of my Excedrin-induced coma, I was pissed that all my hard work had gone to waste.

I was Gallagher.



This year, I recycled one of my old costumes (I have PLENTY.) and dressed up for work. Here are some highlights from the office.

Neo from The Matrix

A kitty playing with a ball

A scary grim reaper


Yours truly as Pippi Longstocking

And my favorite: Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation. (This guy gets major cred because he actually grew his moustache for a month preparing for this costume. Well played...)

Since Boyfriend and I weren't going to have Pearl on Halloween night, we took advantage of a local pre-Halloween event and got all dressed up the Saturday before. There was a costume contest (that Pearl would have killed in, but she was too scared) and lots of downtown shops were giving away candy so kids could trick-or-treat safely during the daytime.

Here are my top three faves from the day...

#3: Old school scaryass clown

#2: CATS the broadway musical

#1: Albert Einstein


Pearl's makeup was inspired by this tutorial. Her dress was a $30 steal from Home Goods. In my head, I'm going to say she was Claudia from Interview with a Vampire. In Pearl's words, I think she was actually something like Zombie Vampire Dead-Girl Doll-Princess.

BEFORE...

Step 1: Powder face...

Step 2: Create "sad eyes" (and I don't mean "Sad Eyes" the homegirl from down the street)...


Step 3: Draw some wicked cool eyebrows (like "Sad Eyes" from down the street)...

Step 4: Add some contouring and lipstick...

And voila. Your Claudia from Interview with a Vampire Zombie Vampire Dead-Girl Doll-Princess look is complete.

I love that she's not all girly-girl'd out. Also, Biscuit's trying to go in for a smooch. She's a lover, not a fighter.

Speaking of Biscuit...

This bitch loves Halloween.

And lastly, we'll end on a "normal family" note. We went to the pumpkin patch.

I'm still large and in charge. Diets are for suckers.


How was your Halloween??

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Blogging Etiquette: What Would You Do?

Recently, The Vegetable Assassin had a post that got me thinking...

What do you do when a blog you're following has taken on a different style? Let's just use my blog for example.

Let's say you joined my blog early on, when all I wrote about was food and restaurants. Maybe you're a foodie or whatever. So as time goes on, my post topics change to House Hunters, and endometriosis, and poop. And you think to yourself "I'm not into this shit anymore."

Do you unfollow the blog? Is that bad blogging etiquette?

I mean, I could totally unfollow someone's blog and not think twice because the chances of ever running into a fellow blogger IRL is like negative. But is that actually considered poor form? It shouldn't be, right?

I know some bloggers might be offended. I know because I've been there. But seriously, people stop following for a number of reasons and it shouldn't be the scandal of the century to UNfollow someone. What does it matter if I don't care what you wore today or how you choose to raise your kid? Or my favorite blog type of all- the ones where people constantly post NOT ironic duckface? You might be a cool person, but I'm just not super interested in your blog topic.

I mean seriously, see how silly you look...?

Anyway.

We read stories we're interested in. If we're not interested, why read?

So, follow or unfollow: What would YOU do?

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I'm Running Out of Time.

The title of this post makes me think of those emails you get from that Nigerian Prince you never met who needs your "asistanse" getting you that large inheritance from his independently wealthy uncle who just died and has no other heirs to give it to. (What?) And since those emails always have complete success, I'm only assuming the same thing will happen with this blog.

Anyway.

Time has been going by so fast lately.

I'm in a little bit of a routine. I don't really mind it. Because it's a good routine that keeps me busy and entertained. But it just seems like there are things I want to do, stories I want to write, accomplishments I want to make. And there's not enough time.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I want to speed things up and see what's in my future. Or if I want to slow things down and stop to smell the flowers. I guess I'm a little like that crazy bitch Jesse Spano when she took some stupid caffeine pills and started dancing around, singing The Pointer Sisters. "No time! Never any time!!!"



Maybe it's the time of year? School just started (not that it makes any difference to me), holidays are around the corner. The next couple of months are going to fly by, and before you know it, it'll be 2012.

Maybe it's my age? Everyone around me is starting (or continuing) to grow a family. They're doing special "parenty" events like taking their babies to the pumpkin patch and planning birthday parties and posting on Facebook about first teeth and first steps. Yeah. This kind of stuff bums my shit out.

Maybe it's my new job? Did I tell you about that? My new job? I'M GETTING PAID TO WRITE. Crazy shit, right? Anyway, I LOVE everything about my new job. Really, everything. But considering I'd been totally used to working from home for the past year (and by "working from home", I really mean blogging and watching The People's Court), I guess it's possible that actually GETTING UP and going INTO work might be making me feel like my days are slipping by, like the sands of time on the opening credits of Days of Our Lives.

Does this feeling ever slow down? Or have I reached a point of no return because I'm all old and shit and soon I'll be lecturing teenagers with anecdotes that start out with "When I was your age..."?

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I just thought I'd share.


Oh- and mega thanks to those who commented on my last post about Kids: Yay or Nay? I'd still love to hear all of your thoughts on the topic, guys especially. There's no right or wrong answer, so don't worry, I'm not going to bash you for saying babies suck and they ruin everything.

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Since It's Almost Halloween, Here's Something Scary to Think About.

It has to do with babies.

Hopefully, I didn't lose any male readers right there because I would actually love to get all kinds of perspectives on this- males and females, with/ without kids.

The other day, a male friend and I were talking about babies.

He mentioned something about how getting pregnant just messes up the girl's body and basically ruins the guy's life.

This statement really made an impression on me because I guess I just never thought of it as such a DIRE situation.

Am I disillusioned because I'm at a point in my life where every fucking person I know is getting pregnant/ having kids (and posting their every fucking move on Facebook) (ignore my passive-aggressiveness- I'd probably be doing the same thing) and I'm not in the same babyboat because my stupid insides have taken a long walk off a short pier? Pretty much everything baby-related looks like roses from where I stand.

I mean, I'm not dumb. I know it's not always like this:


In fact, it's usually a lot more like this:


But there has to be a fair amount of Kodak moments... And they eventually grow out of the goofy alien stage and turn into a cool kid (depending on the parents, I guess). That probably has some fun stuff involved, right??

What do you guys think? I'd like to hear every and all sides of the topic.

Aaaaaaaand go.

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Homemade Chili.

Remember that one time I went on a diet?

That was cute when I did that.

Anyway.

Boyfriend and I made chili last weekend and it was off the chain delicious. And considering how easy it was to make, I think we were both surprised by how great it turned out.

CHILI (adapted from Anyone Can Cook magazine)

INGREDIENTS

1 lb of lean ground turkey
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped onion
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 15-oz can of tomato sauce
1 15-oz can of red kidney beans, undrained
1 14.5-oz can diced tomatoes, undrained
2 heaping teaspoons chili powder
2 teaspoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried basil, crushed
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
cheddar cheese, grated (optional)
sour cream (optional)
avocado, sliced (optional)
margaritas (not optional)



DIRECTIONS

In a 3-qt saucepan cook ground beef, bell pepper, onion, and garlic all together over medium heat until meat is browned and onion is tender. Drain fat.



Throw in the rest of the ingredients- tomato sauce, beans, tomatoes, chili powder, salt, basil, and black pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat. Simmer, covered, for 20 minutes.



Top each serving with cheddar, sour cream, avocado, or whatever you feel like. It's also great served with cornbread muffins.



Also, eat it with a margarita. It's perfect, actually.

Also-also, this is perfect "Sunday" food. It goes with football AND bridal marathons.

Boner'ppetite.

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TILTE's Panzanella Salad.

This is a recipe for something healthy I ate.

I figured I should share it with you right away because I'm probably going to fall off the wagon before the week is over (I've already fallen off several times, actually) and I'd like to look back on this glorious moment and feel all nostalgic about that one time I became super healthy and fit.

Important Note: If you omit the chicken from this recipe, it is TOTALLY SUITABLE FOR VEGETARIANS AND VEGANS!!!

TILTE's Panzanella Salad

INGREDIENTS

- Italian Bread
- Italian seasoning
- olive oil
- 20 cherry tomatoes, halved
- red onion, sliced into thin strips (however much you like)
- 8 leaves fresh basil, chiffonade'ed
- 1 avocado, sliced into wedges or cubes
- 1 chicken breast (we cooked extra, but all you need for this recipe is one)
- 3 white potatoes
- 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/4 tsp pepper
- romaine lettuce

Missing from this picture: Italian seasoning, olive oil, garlic, salt, and pepper

DIRECTIONS

Sprinkle salt, pepper, and onion powder on both sides of chicken breasts. Place in a shallow baking dish that's been coated with olive oil. Cook for roughly 25 minutes at 400- or until juices run clear.



Slice bread into cubes and place on a cookie sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and Italian seasoning. Throw it in the oven for 15 minutes. Or until they're toasted the way you like it.



Boil whole potatoes until you can easily stick a fork in them.



Once chicken is done cooking, cut into cubes. Throw chicken, tomatoes, onion, basil, potatoes, avocado, croutons, and lettuce into a large bowl.



In a screw-top jar (or one of those "make your own salad dressing" containers), combine vinegar, olive oil, garlic, salt, and pepper. Shake that shit up. Pour over salad.

Eat it.


This salad is perfect for people who are NOT very "salady". The ingredients are hearty and filling and the dressing is full of flavor. I will definitely keep this on my regular dinner rotation.

Anyone out there willing to try it, let me know what you think!!

Boner'ppetite.

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I'm Going to End Up Eating Kibble When No One's Looking.

I'm sure everyone* (*no one) has been majorly concerned about my whereabouts lately and wondering why my posts have been so few and far between.

So I'm here to tell you all* (*mom) not to worry, everything is going great. And by "great", I mean "fat". And before you embarrass yourself and ask if I'm pregnant, let me say No, I am not pregnant. So when you see me out at happy hour, don't be worried that I'm damaging my unborn baby. There's no baby. It's just waffles.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

I have something to share with you today. It's something that I'm pretty fucking excited about, but I realize that you probably won't give a shit about it. That's totally fine. Based on my analytics, I've come to accept the fact that our friendship "honeymoon" may have come to an end.

Alright, so the big topic of discussion is... my diet.

My diet is shit and I'm gaining weight and I'm not looking good.



With that said, I'm taking a stand against my chins and butts, y'all.

And I'm inviting YOU to stand against my chins and butts with me. (I know what I said.)

I created an account on DailyBurn to track everything I eat. With every item I track, my counter updates and lets me know how many calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, and grams of carbs I have left in the day in order to stay within my "lose weight" range.

If you're interested in making a DailyBurn account to track your food, let me know and we can be buddies! We can totally keep each other motivated AND get ideas from each other for healthy meals. And don't worry- nobody can see your private details (weight). And if we become buddies and it turns out you actually CAN see my weight details, you better fucking pretend like you never saw that shit.
Disclaimer: If you're one of those super competitive people and you have no problem going all anorexic and shit, we can't be friends.

And to get the ball rolling on this bitch, I'm even going to share my digits for today:

See that exclamation point in the "Fat" category? That means I did an OUTSTANDING job at overeating fat today. Also- it looks like someone needs to drink more water.

So... Who's in???

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