10.21.2011

Since It's Almost Halloween, Here's Something Scary to Think About.

It has to do with babies.

Hopefully, I didn't lose any male readers right there because I would actually love to get all kinds of perspectives on this- males and females, with/ without kids.

The other day, a male friend and I were talking about babies.

He mentioned something about how getting pregnant just messes up the girl's body and basically ruins the guy's life.

This statement really made an impression on me because I guess I just never thought of it as such a DIRE situation.

Am I disillusioned because I'm at a point in my life where every fucking person I know is getting pregnant/ having kids (and posting their every fucking move on Facebook) (ignore my passive-aggressiveness- I'd probably be doing the same thing) and I'm not in the same babyboat because my stupid insides have taken a long walk off a short pier? Pretty much everything baby-related looks like roses from where I stand.

I mean, I'm not dumb. I know it's not always like this:


In fact, it's usually a lot more like this:


But there has to be a fair amount of Kodak moments... And they eventually grow out of the goofy alien stage and turn into a cool kid (depending on the parents, I guess). That probably has some fun stuff involved, right??

What do you guys think? I'd like to hear every and all sides of the topic.

Aaaaaaaand go.

16 comments:

Sara Louise said...

I'm in the same boat as you, everyone seems to be pregnant, or was just pregnant, or is pregnant again, and that's all I can think about... babies, babies, babies. They're sticky little monkeys covered in goo that wreak havoc on everything. But I still want one.

abbyhasissues.com said...

My mothering/nurturing inclination extends to a garden I'm happy to pull out after three months and a fake plant in my kitchen, so I'm not much help. Everyone's spewing spawn these days, and to be honest, I would rather see a puppy.

Nikosmommy said...

My bff wanted nothing more than to have kids and ALL our circle of friends has or is having babies (since we're all in our early 30s) and it was driving her batty because she has endometriosis, only one ovary and polycystic ovarian syndrome. AND isn't married or dating an amazing guy. She had resigned herself that when the time was right she would adopt (and she was totally ok with that!)
But then she found herself knocked-up last Halloween (literally that was the day she found out) and now has a beautiful baby girl. Srsly a miracle....
She says that the adjustment to parenthood has NOT been easy...it wasn't like getting a puppy...the work-load is insane and the amount of patience you need is redic. BUT she's the happiest I've ever seen her.....
As for me, I have two boys i'd like to sell to the highest bidder. They drive me bat-shit-loco. BUT i love them and couldn't imagine not having them in my life.
As for the female body, it DOES bounce back pretty amazingly. (yes maybe with a few added stretch marks) but it's astounding what our bodies can do! AND if your guy friend thinks that kids will "ruin the guys life" he obviously has NO business having a child EVER. Having kids makes men BETTER men! Fact. It makes them learn patience, learn to love unconditionally and it MAKES THEM GROW THE HELL UP.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Yes, it's hard and horrible and you will want to drive off a cliff at times.

Yes, it's the most awesomely amazing this ever, and you will marvel at your capacity for love.

I've wanted to be a mom for YEARS, and had been with the man I knew I wanted to have kids with for YEARS, and then it took YEARS of trying. Even though I knew I wanted it more than anything in the world, I will be the first to admit I have not slept more than four consecutive for the past 15 months. Sometimes I feel a little like I am drowning. But then she laughs or smiles or hugs me ... I'm crying just thinking about it. She's the greatest thing in my life.

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

I thought for the longest time that I was possibly dead inside considering my lack of a desire to procreate, but suddenly in the last year or so I've found myself seeing it as not just something I'd like to do, but something I'll enjoy.

When I think about having kids it's still a very far off dream, but the fact it's around at all is strange. I'm sure no one is joking when they say it's the toughest job on the planet, and I don't look forward to the 2's, or the teens, but when I think about my relationship with my own mother I know it's not all bad. Right?

GoodTimesDad said...

Well, I guess it depends. Do you LIKE having disposable income and freedom? If so, don't have kids.

Of course, you know I'm joking (though you seriously lose both once you have kids, unless you're lucky enough to be super rich) because you read my blog.

I love my kids (especially The Rocket Queen, she's super cute and in a major Daddy phase right now while The Boys blame me for everything) and having a family is great. PLUS, your kids might grow up to be talented and rich and you might get to retire early.
Good times

Mandy_Fish said...

I have two kids (one is 7 and the other is 1) and I think parenting is awesome! Then again, I work full-time and have a nanny. We have date night every Saturday night and I also have a personal trainer.

Seriously though, I could not do it without a team of experts. It's only fun and awesome because I get to have a life outside of my kids. I don't think I'd be nearly so patient and happy without help.

Too honest?

P.S. Two kids, no stretch marks. And no, I did not use stretch mark cream. I think I read that whether you get stretch marks or not is purely genetic.

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and fun (albeit overwhelming, at times) experience ever!

Lu-dog is 7 and D-man is almost four and without them? I would probably be dead or in a drug-induced coma right now.

Moms are beautiful creatures. Forget about the body stuff - the thing you don't want to do is change who you are. That was my biggest problem with my ex. Suddenly there were things she didn't want to do anymore because "mommies don't do that!"

Bullshit. I have not changed one bit, except that I work harder and every decision I make... well, the kids are factored into each one.

The only other advice I would give is that if you choose to have a child with someone, be sure you are ready to have that person in your life forever. As you know from reading my blog, I loathe my ex... but there is nothing I can do about it because she is the mother of my kids and, you know what? No matter how much I hate her... I'm glad she is their mom. Without her, I would never have them.

You'd make a great mom... and I'll bet you would maintain your hotness.

Trude said...

He sounds like some guy friends of mine. I'm convinced once they get on the other side of 30 opinions will start to change. That, and make him get a dog or two to break him in slowly. I don't have kids yet, but I come from such a tight knit family that really celebrates the value of family, so I know they're in my future. And my dog has taught me so much about the beauty of unconditional love, that I know it'll be amazing to have that from a mini person. Granted, I know my parents had plenty of trouble with us kids, but it's clearly worth it.

Serial Monogamist said...

I'm with Sara Louise. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm nearly 31, and pretty much obsessed. And because I've had some weird ladypart issues (fibroids) I'm not sure if it'll be a problem once we get there (not yet due to boyfriend being in grad school), I'm wicked paranoid about dying childless.

BIOLOGY IS A WICKED BITCH.

Lorraine said...

I want kids but I'm not anywhere near being in a position for them. That scares me sometimes.

When I think about it too much, though, I started getting scared by the idea of kids. Like... what they'll do to my lady parts. And when they poop a lot. And when I can never sleep a lot.

It's just a lot to think about. I think, though, that the pre-baby fears sort of have a way or working themselves out once a baby is more of a reality and not a theory.

Maybe.

Lor

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

SARA LOUISE - Well said. That's pretty much how I feel. I know they change everything and never let you sleep and poop 28x a day... but I'd still like to give it a shot.

ABBY - I totally know where you're coming from. Up until a year ago, I wanted nothing to do with kids. My hate was strong. But then something changed. And now I'm all babymania.

NIKO - From your lips to God's ears. Maybe one day I'll end up in the same boat as your friend.

VERONICA - I WANT TO BE CRYING BECAUSE OF BABY-CRAZIES! And not just crying from the regular old normal-crazies.

ASHLEY - Yes! I used to be dead inside too! Just wait till your brain decides "Um. I want a baby RAWT N-N-NOW!!!" It's pretty ridiculous, actually.

GOOD TIMES - Yeah, unfortunately I've heard about that whole "no sleep, no money" thing. It sounds like a shitty deal, if you ask me. BUT! You also get a lot of fun times with great kids. And the mommy/ daddy phase sounds pretty sweet too.

MANDY- You're single-handedly making me not want to have kids. I have no money for a nanny and I've already welcomed in the stretch marks... And I'm SANS KID. ;)

MONKEY - If I'm ever lucky enough to have any of these little monsters, I don't plan on changing too much. I think just the fact of having a baby around changes things in a way that you can't control- you can't do whatever you want, whenever you want. But other than that, I'd still want to live the same lifestyle. There would just be another passenger along for the ride.

TRUDE - I got my pup 3 years ago and I LOVE HER SO MUCH. Just knowing the way my feelings have changed over an animal, I'm pretty sure I can probably love a kid the same way. You know? :)

SERIAL - Are we the same person?? I'm 31 and I have problems avec the lady parts as well (endometriosis). AND I' wicked paranoid about dying childless! PS: I like your double usage of "wicked".

LORRAINE - I'm wicked scared of the whole "vagina" thing too. But since it's nothing I need to worry about right now, I try to just put it out of my mind. Avoiding the thought helps me stay calm. It also helps me avoid nervous diarrhea.

Erin said...

This sounds like one dude with some issues. I don't know any good fathers who would agree with his statement. Also -- it's just not true! Some chicks' bodies aren't ruined -- like Mandy! Mine will be, but I have bad genes. But I hear the vagina snaps right back, haha. And I have to agree with a previous commenter -- if this dude thinks it would ruin his life, he has no business having children. My husband would give anything to have kids.

Veronica Marcetti Dimick said...

Dude,

Just read the vagina comments -- that is the one thing I would say is something you probably shouldn't worry about. Everything else sucks balls and your body falls apart, but I followed doctor's orders and took 8 weeks off instead of 6 (much to my husband's dismay), and things were TIP-TOP. Seriously. Sex didn't feel so hot the first two or ... ten ... times, but the little lady was back to normal. I've talked to lots of moms who said even though they got stretchmarks and saggy boobs and lots of saggy stomach skin (sorry), their bajingas are good as ever.

PLUS, there's always a chance you will have a giant baby and have to get it cut out of your, then there will be no worries about the 'ol vagine.

Also, ALSO (feel free to delete this comment if you think I am talking too much), that HUGE crazy swing in feelings about babies in general from apathetic to MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW? Yeah, I totally did that. The year I was trying to get pregnant was basically every waking moment devoted to thinking about WHEN WILL MY BABY ARRIVE. Sooo ... maybe that's just what your body does when it's preparing your uterus to make a fetus. I'm no scientist, but you never know! :)

Deborah said...

The thing is, there are MILLIONS of reasons to not have kids. It's not for everyone and that's good yes?

In my particular group of friends from the day, I was the ONLY one to have kids.

But it's awesome and awful. For me, maybe luckily, I remember very little about the 80s and early 90s. My momma uniform was pretty much sweatpants and bad hair.

But hear this for really, your ladybits, all of them, change even if you don't have babies. Mine were JUST perfect afterward. That little piece of personal real estate can take it.

And on that note here is the best advice I can give - breastfeed if you have babies. It does stuff not only for the baby, but for all of you on the inside as well. Our physiology is a wondrous thing!

Shauna (Fido and Wino) said...

Hmmm...

Messes up the girl's body: That makes it sound like our only purpose is to stand around looking beautiful. But on that note, the vast majority of my friends who have had babies (including multiples) are skinny and hot, post-baby. Considering that the the female body was actually designed to give birth, we actually stand a very good chance of fairing quite well once we have transitioned into motherhood.

As an aside, my mom had 2 kids and 30 years later she has a 6 pack, so she's doing not too shabby at all.

Ruins the guy's life: Well, if by "ruin" he means "changes life as he knows it" then I'd have to agree. I hate to break it to him though... that's all a part of life. Every big, important, life changing moment changes life as you know it. Babies have it pretty good being cuddled and coddled and then they start walking and talking and BAM their lives are ruined because they have to go to school. And then BAM their lives are ruined because they are off to high school. And then BAM life ruined with getting a job... dating, getting married, buying a house... If your friend finds growing up an infringement on his personal lifestyle, then I could see how bringing a human into the world, learning and loving them would ruin his life. If he was like my husband and a lot of guys I know he would understand that it's just a part of life and when he's ready (hopefully... WEAR A CONDOM DUDE) he'll step up face the ups and downs head on.

There are a million things to be scared of (I'm scared, for sure) but I think it'll be okay. One way or another I'll figure it out... and every now and then I'll likely have to take a well-timed walk and scream my bloody head off. But it'll be okay.

And I'll do Kegels.

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