The Story of TILTE, as Told by TILTE (AKA It's My Birthday So I'm Making This One All About Me).

My birthday is coming up this weekend and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a bust. This is why: It's on a Sunday, which means A) It will get overlooked by coworkers and B) People are either hungover or doing dumb family shit.

I guess that's all fine and well, it's not like it's a special-number birthday or anything. I'm going to be the magical age of 32, which means absolutely nothing in the spectrum of "special birthdays".

I always fancy myself as being much more important than I really am and usually like to celebrate with "Birthday Week", a time in which I don't acknowledge anyone else's plans and typically fall asleep elbows deep in a bag of taco flavored Doritos. (Just kidding, taco flavor only came out a year ago.) (It's usually nacho flavored.)

So if you don't have anything better to do, head over to my Facebook page and say Happy Birthday! Or ask me any question you want! I'll answer it as long as it's not creepy.



For now, I'm going to tell you the story of TILTE, based on photos found on my Facebook, Myspace, and Photobucket accounts.


Once upon a time, TILTE was born. Actually, it wasn't really "once upon a time" so much as it was actually April 1, 1980. She had a head full of crazy fucked up hair that is an embarrassment even to this day. Thank God it didn't take long for her to get cute.



She did all the usual kid stuff like hoard neighborhood cats and sneak bites out of the butter stick when no one was looking.

She made it all the way through kid'dom without ever breaking a bone or getting majorly busted for anything.

In high school, she studied French and spent her free time making collages and reading Choose Your Own Adventure books doing super cool things like riding in convertables and hanging out with celebrities.

She also went to prom with her cousin.

Although I can't put my finger on why she could never get a date.

In college, she dyed her hair all kinds of ridiculous colors that were completely unnatural for someone of her ethnicity (What is her ethnicity anyway...?).



There was also a lot of this...





After college, she backpacked through all the important countries in Europe.



She liked it so much, she made the move to London.


And married a Brit.


...And then divorced a Brit.


Along the way, she was blessed with the beautiful and talented, Biscuit the WonderDog.


She spent several years working in a dental office.



And then someone very special came into her life.


And brought along one of these.



And now her days are filled with things like this:


...and this:



...and this.


And she wouldn't have it any other way.

The end.


Wasn't that a good story?

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I'm Running Out of Time.

The title of this post makes me think of those emails you get from that Nigerian Prince you never met who needs your "asistanse" getting you that large inheritance from his independently wealthy uncle who just died and has no other heirs to give it to. (What?) And since those emails always have complete success, I'm only assuming the same thing will happen with this blog.

Anyway.

Time has been going by so fast lately.

I'm in a little bit of a routine. I don't really mind it. Because it's a good routine that keeps me busy and entertained. But it just seems like there are things I want to do, stories I want to write, accomplishments I want to make. And there's not enough time.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I want to speed things up and see what's in my future. Or if I want to slow things down and stop to smell the flowers. I guess I'm a little like that crazy bitch Jesse Spano when she took some stupid caffeine pills and started dancing around, singing The Pointer Sisters. "No time! Never any time!!!"



Maybe it's the time of year? School just started (not that it makes any difference to me), holidays are around the corner. The next couple of months are going to fly by, and before you know it, it'll be 2012.

Maybe it's my age? Everyone around me is starting (or continuing) to grow a family. They're doing special "parenty" events like taking their babies to the pumpkin patch and planning birthday parties and posting on Facebook about first teeth and first steps. Yeah. This kind of stuff bums my shit out.

Maybe it's my new job? Did I tell you about that? My new job? I'M GETTING PAID TO WRITE. Crazy shit, right? Anyway, I LOVE everything about my new job. Really, everything. But considering I'd been totally used to working from home for the past year (and by "working from home", I really mean blogging and watching The People's Court), I guess it's possible that actually GETTING UP and going INTO work might be making me feel like my days are slipping by, like the sands of time on the opening credits of Days of Our Lives.

Does this feeling ever slow down? Or have I reached a point of no return because I'm all old and shit and soon I'll be lecturing teenagers with anecdotes that start out with "When I was your age..."?

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I just thought I'd share.


Oh- and mega thanks to those who commented on my last post about Kids: Yay or Nay? I'd still love to hear all of your thoughts on the topic, guys especially. There's no right or wrong answer, so don't worry, I'm not going to bash you for saying babies suck and they ruin everything.

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