7.02.2013

Irrational Fears: Underwear

I have an irrational fear that something is going to happen when I'm at work, or somewhere else in public, and everyone will see my underwear. This fear haunts me every time I wear a skirt or dress.

I think about it when I'm getting out of the car: What if I accidentally flash someone??

I think about it when it's windy: What if the wind blows my skirt up??

I think about it when I'm exiting the ladies room: What if my skirt accidentally gets tucked into the back of my underwear*??

I think about it when I get up from my desk: What if it's stuck in a crinkle position and doesn't fall to its full length when I get up??

I think about it when I'm going to be in a crowded area: What if someone walks briskly past me and their purse/ bag/ dog accidentally catches onto my skirt and rips it off??

Like this. Only not as rich or Kardashian'y.

It's stupid. I'm not even sure why I care so much about people seeing my underwear, but I've always been concerned about it. When I was a kid, I used to wear pants under all of my dresses. What a weirdo, right? Maybe it's because of my refined upbringing- ladies don't show their underwear, you know. Maybe it's because I like to pretend that if no one sees my pancake-batter, blubber-butt, it doesn't exist. Maybe it's because I think the image of my TJ Maxx granny panties will be permanently branded into everyone's retina. Whatever it is, I'm still not down with it.

So, if you happen to see someone in a skirt/ dress being really fucking crazy for no good reason, it's probably just me losing my shit over a gust of wind.




*This actually happened to me a few months ago. Thank GOD, I was wearing leggings.


6 comments:

Adam said...

I knew of a few girls who did resort to drastic measures like wearing shorts under a dress.

I don't have much advice to cure the phobia of it though.

Sarah said...

I always wear some type of legging or pant under my skirts. Or I wear skorts. I don't like the idea that in one second I could be naked either.

Vinny C said...

My wife's solution is to wear pants. She almost never wear skirts or dresses. Not that she has an accidental underwear flashing phobia or anything. She had two main reasons:

1. She's still rebelling against the church she went to as a child because they insisted all famale members wear dresses & skirts at all times.

2. She's got great legs & hates getting cat calls from random guys.

Erin Kelley said...

So I'm sort of with you here, except my main concern is I will be wearing highly inappropriate underwear and/or will be in desperate need of a wax. That area is just not constantly ready for the viewing public, 'round here.

tara said...

I sometimes wear pants under skirts or dresses and try to convince myself it's still cute.

I should be a better lady, but I totally don't care about anyone seeing my underwear. However, the skirt tucking into the underwear part would embarrass me. Just make sure you're always wearing cute underwear! :)

The Six-Fingered Monkey said...

I don't worry about people seeing my underwear. I don't wear any.

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