This Just In...

Friends- I have important news. Halloween is ONE.WEEK.AWAY. This is shit-hot, big-deal news because it's pretty much like my favorite day of the year (along with my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, any day I get Pink Bubble Gum ice cream from Baskin-Robbins, the day they reintroduced the Never Ending Soup and Salad at The Olive Garden, and also the annual unveiling of the McRib) (Just kidding, that's gross. I've never actually had a McRib). I LoveLoveLove dressing up and I usually start getting my mental game face on like two months in advance. You better believe I have some costumes lined up, but that shit is top secret until the big day.

Mtv emailed me this possibility. Ohhhhh Bunim/ Murray, you always know my soft spot.

Things I HAAAATE about Halloween: The Slutty (noun of your choice) Costume. Here's how it works: Pick a crazy stupid character/ animal/ occupation/ asshole and then put a "sexy" twist on it. For example...

" Sexy Skeleton". Skeletons are not sexy, no matter how much measuring tape you tie around your waist.

"Sexy Big Bird". Wrong on so many levels.

"Sexy Ninja Turtles" I like to call this look "Frat House Lawsuit."

"Sexy Bee". Bees aren't supposed to be sexy. People step on them for a reason.

This one was actually called "Sexy Demon". I like to think of it more as "Bartender with Veneral Disease."

"Sexy Supergirl". This look is really great for anyone who hasn't come up with a costume and also happens to have a little brother with a superhero obsession.

"Sexy Cavemen." Cavemen were filthy and furry and I can only imagine how much plaque and tartar was built up in their grill. But if you're into that kind of thing, that's cool.

"Sexy Boat Captain." Got a bikini and a captains cap? Sweet, you're set. Move over, Mr Howell- I'm bringing sexy back.

Aww, it's nice to see even the girl with no self esteem came out. (I don't even know wtf these costumes are.)

Equally offensive is when girls go through all the trouble of stripping down to their bra and skidders to look good, but they don't do shit to their hair or face. They're probably assuming nobody will even be looking anywhere besides their lady lumps, and for the most part, they're probably right. But not this hate-spitter. I notice these kinds of things. And it's really just the icing on the cake when you see a herd of sluts roll into town and from the neckskin up they all look like this-

Did I mention i LUUUUV Halloween??? More to come on this topic.

(Apologies if your costume/ photo was mentioned in this entry. I had no idea I was friends with such tramps.)


allison said...

i plan to go as a sheet ghost. with glasses. skankarific.

Nikosmommy said...

Soo so soo soo true! What the hell has happened that in the last 5 years or so that all female Halloween costumes have turned `sexy`! WHY!!!!
What happened to good old fashioned fun and creative costumes!
I`m going as Marie Antionette...and of freaking course it`s a `sexy` costume. I`m doing everything in my power to tone down the hoochie and up the classy french madame without a head factor. Tough job indeed.

Kim said...

Dude. I COMPLETELY AGREE. Not once have I gone as a skanky something-or-other.

I was a shark last year complete with face mask and 3D fin. IT. WAS. AWESOME. And covered every inch of my body. Funny enough, while the other girls were freezing, I was quite comfortable indeed.

Rick said...

I have to say, while you make a good argument, I don't completely agree :P I must have a different perspective or something but I liked the use of pictures (except the last one!) to back up your points lol!

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

Maybe sexy gets more candy?

Do people still do candy??

I obviously know nothing about Halloween.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

ALLISON- ahhh the sheet ghost with macular degeneration. a classic choice.

NIKO- i am allll about the creative costume. even if you the main part is store bought (at a ridiculous price) it NEEDS to have some personalized special touches.

KIM- mega points for not only going non-sexy, but also for being fully covered and warm.

RICK- tyyyyyypical. ;)

ROX & LO- i think sexy gets you more diseases, i'm not so sure about the candy part.

Megs said...

Have you seen the "sexy" tootsie roll?

Sexy Tootsie Roll!!! Almost as wrong as Sexy Big Bird or Sexy Strawberry Shortcake.

Rawnie said...

I remember a certain sexy sailor costume....

LaceyRee said...

hahahahahahaha I love this!!!! the first time I was old enough to go to a bar for halloween I was terrified when I saw all of the girls in their bras and underwear. I think they all lacked creativity and went as victoria's secret models.

I'm making my costume this year (for the first time ever because I'm teaching myself how to sew!!) so we will see how this turns out...

12ontheinside said...

We don't really have halloween here. What are the girls doing in their undies? I do not get that. Not one bit. Is this seriously normal behaviour? North Americans seem to have some very odd customs at times! :)

Paige said...

oh god i hate the slutty costumes too! please be snooki!!

Sara Louise said...

The Big Bird costume is messed up! Who would even think of that??
And your 'frat house lawsuit' comment is funny as hell!

Deborah said...

OM you make me laugh so hard!

BTW - cavemen didn't eat carbs so no ick, or mostly no ick. And they died when they were 29. Ha!

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian said...

I will admit that in college I was a sexy pirate. BUT the costume was homemade!

Do I get an extra points for that?

Peer pressure is a bitch.

P.s. The big bird costume burns my eyes.

Chrystal said...

I lol'd at the caveman tartar comment - I myself have shivered in disgust over the thought of that. I miss You!!!

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