My Birthday: 34

I turned 34 yesterday and I have to say, it doesn't feel much different from 33. Except that now, I expect to start receiving AARP mags and Boniva coupons in the mail.

The festivities began a little early when we had Pearl for the previous weekend. On a strong recommendation from a friend (Hi Miss), we took a little drive up the coast and had lunch at Padaro Beach Grill. It was a beautiful day and everyone and their mom was there. Literally. Eric's mom and dad met us there.

It was a burger day all around and we took our time catching up on each other's stories.

Later that night, Eric, Pearl, and I went to see a local production of Willy Wonka. It was a little hokey, but I think that's pretty much par for the course. Pearl LOVED it and it provided some family time while also inspiring Pearl's creativity. A win-win, if you ask me.

As you can see, it was a packed house.

On my actual birthday, I was surprised with some low-key decorations at work...

And office cupcakes...

And a doctor's appt.

Womp-womp.

But at least I was able to snag a good-looking recipe.

Last night, Eric took me out to a surprise dinner at a nice restaurant we'd never been to before. More on that to come...

All in all, my birthday was great. And best of all, I received a surprise gift straight out of my SkyMall dreams: The Ostrich Pillow.


34 is looking strong, my friends.

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34 Years of Being Me.

Today is my birthday.

I'll post a more in-depth post later. For now, just know that the chances of me looking like the picture above are slim to none and the chances of me looking like the picture below are 100% guaranteed.

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New Things or Something-Something-Blog-Title

As if being 1/2 real Catholic and 1/2 fake Jew wasn't enough of a guilt trip, Facebook just sent me a text reminding me that I haven't posted anything recently, basically asking what I'm doing with my life. 

LOTS OF IMPORTANT THINGS, OKAY FACEBOOK???

And by important things, I'm actually kind of leaning more towards not important things. Like watching The Bachelor. Did you watch it this season? I think I'm the only woman on the planet who's not smoking bachelor crack and hating all over his Venezuelan ass (Is that where he's from? I don't even know.). Nobody and their mom should have been surprised that JP was a party hard Bachelor4Life; he wreaked of it when he was on the previous season. Except all the dumb stay-at-home-moms drooled all over him and called the producer hotline nonstop trying to get him in the hot seat. Anyway, on the final episode when Chris Harrison kept asking the same damn question over and over again like he had Tourette's and JP was like "I'm not telling her I love her" I was like "GOOD. You stay strong, JP. If homie don't love her and homie don't want to marry her, homie don't play that." Even if the whole thing was a farce and they split up like a day after the show ended, whatever. The whole thing is a shitshow anyway.

"Hola muchachas, let's make besos."

Did you watch the HBO series, True Detective, featuring the devilishly handsome Matthew McConaughey and the devilishly ugly Woody Harrelson? Eric and I watched every episode, feverishly studying the clues and the behind-the-scenes interview to solve the mystery on our own. In the end, it totally fell flat and everything that you expected to happen, happened. (Eric disagrees with me on this and thinks the ending was fantastic.)

BABE ALERT. And then there's Woody H. too.

Speaking of Facebook, it's really been showcasing all of my acquaintances worst, most annoying habits lately, making me question why I even associate with these people. I'm probably just being hateful, but probably not actually. The philosophical posts that have a facade about being about nothing at all but are really more like giant red "I'm crazy" flags are the best/worst. Like when girls post inspirational shit about if you love a woman, you treat her right and buy her a truck and feed her dog and blah blah blah. Which is basically a one-way message obviously directed straight to their significant other who has apparently mistreated them recently. 

Dumb.

As for annoying things going on in my own life, that's much less interesting. Life has been good, which makes for unfunny blog post business. For now, I'll continue to eat my Fruit Loops and Cheetos for dinner and post politically-incorrect-but-funny internet things.

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Thanksgiving 2013

Highlights from the holiday weekend...

This past weekend, while we were driving in the car, Pearl asked if we have an Elf on the Shelf at our house. She had just seen one at her cousin's house and also has one at her mom's house.

Her question reminded me of a parody version that Eric and I had seen recently at TJ Maxx, called Dwarf in the Drawer. I told Pearl how there are helpers hiding everywhere to catch you when you're bad, including Elf on the Shelf and Dwarf in the Drawer.

By this point, I was all over this "secret helper" thing and couldn't stop myself. I told her that she's always being watched- even when she's in the car...

...by Monk in the Trunk.

I told her how Elf and Dwarf and Monk all work for Santa and God and they report back to them when kids are naughty. She asked what Monk in the Trunk looked like. Eric joined in and described a baldish man with hair around the sides, wearing a brown robe, natch. You know, traditional Monk stylings.

She thought it sounded creepy, but I'm planning my retirement on this cash cow.

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Do you ever watch way too much of a television show marathon that the next day you can't stop thinking about the people on the island show and you find yourself wondering how they're doing and feeling bad for the woman who was told she has endometriosis, but then happy for her when she miraculously finds out she's pregnant, but then immediately feel sorry for yourself because that kind of hocus pocus bullshit magic only happens to other people or in fake ass television show marathons? Is Sun's baby Jin's? -Or is it the English teacher's? Why isn't everyone fighting to live in the hatch? Charlie's teeth are distracting me.

I watched LOST all day yesterday. I didn't get off the couch once, except to install a hair donut and make myself look "presentable." FYI: the inventors of the hair donut need to have a disclaimer on their product that lets all the people know you will have a floppy donut after laying on the couch for seven hours straight.

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Here are some photos from our Thanksgiving.

A pumpkin cheesecake from Trader Joe's

The BEST onion dip that's ever existed (and that I'm now addicted to, thanks to my in-laws)  

This caramel apple upside-down cake is the worth far more than the $6.99 we paid for at Whole Foods. I'd definitely pay at least $9.50. Actually, the outer crust of crispy, buttery caramel is worth the $9.50 just by itself. Really, it's REALLY good. Eric and I polished off the leftovers with coffee for breakfast.

Brownie bites that Pearl basically made on her own.  

My homemade sweet potato casserole (this recipe) was a hit! Growing up, I was never a fan of sweet potatoes. But this recipe turned me, forever. Thanks to my in-laws for this one too.

This Food Network recipe for cranberry sauce was something I tried on a whim and was very happy with. Again, I'm not usually a fan of the holiday cranberry stuff because it all seems overly sugary and brightly colored in a non-edible way. This recipe was super easy and smelled/tasted like holidays. I plan on making it again next year for sure, but I think I'll use a little less juice so it thickens up quicker. 

The dinner spread, complete with my signature burnt rolls. 

Paper table covers and paper placemats, courtesy of the Christmas section at Target. (Cloth was not budget approved.) The clean up was much easier. 

If this meal were a movie, it would be Gone in 60 Seconds 

This is where the magic happens: the dessert table. Cranberry fluff, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin pie, brownie bites, caramel apple upside-down cake, and ice cream.

Mom, lookin' good in the neighborhood! 

Note: I made sure to omit the shots where the exhaustion had arrived and my face was settled into Droopy Dog mode.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

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Bet You Didn't Know My Wedding was So Creepy.

I know I said I'd knock out all the wedding talk in one post, but I feel like this one gets a pass since it's somewhat creepy-themed, and can therefore be classed as a "Halloween" post. See how I did that?

Here are eight interesting-and-creepy facts about (or that led up to) our wedding:

1. Eric and I had our first kiss while watching Stephen King's The Shining
2. Eric proposed the night we went to watch a special viewing of The Shining at LACMA
3. Our wedding was held at a haunted venue
4. On Friday, the 13th
5. There were 13 people in our wedding party
6. Our first dance was to Midnight, the Stars, and You. Otherwise known as, the scary-ass song from the ballroom scene in The Shining.
7. The first song at the reception was Michael Jackson's Thriller

And I saved the scariest for last...

8. I've gained five pounds since the wedding. Yes. That's right. FIVE. My always-on-the-go, planning-a-wedding days are over and apparently so is my metabolism. Thankfully, none of my clothes are fitting any differently. Which means, it's probably just going straight to my face. Lucky me.

Thank you, Sarah P., for sharing this image with me. It's like you can see into the future.

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WE TIED THE KNOT!

That's right- I'm totally a Mrs. now!

After nine months of planning, the day came and went and, in the blink of an eye, we were ending the night drunk and married.

There are so many stories and photos and details I'd like to share here, but I know the blogging world is finicky and has a limited attention span. (More than two consecutive posts on the same topic? Blech, even I know that's boring.) With that said, I've limited myself to 35 photos and plan to keep the ooey-gooeyness to a minimum. 

VENUE

The wedding took place at The Glen Tavern Inn, a historic hotel built in 1911, located in the quaint town of Santa Paula. The hotel is rumored to be haunted- it was featured on the series Ghost Adventures- and was a hotspot for Hollywood stars John Wayne, Steve McQueen, and Harry Houdini.

If you're shopping around for a wedding venue and The Glen Tavern Inn is on your list, I would suggest you book ASAP. We had nothing but positive experiences with this venue. Monica, the Special Events Coordinator was super easy to get a hold of at all times, whether by email, phone, or text. She's very easygoing and accommodated us in every way that we asked for. I'm not exaggerating when I say that of everything I asked, not once did she say no to us. She's really a genuinely nice person and I hope to hang out with her in the future. 

WORTH NOTING: Although The Glen Tavern is already very competitively priced, they offer discounted packages for non-Saturday weddings. This venue is a one-stop shop: they have both inside and outside locations for both the ceremony and reception. They also do all of their own catering, which means one less vendor to keep track of. The hotel is on the smaller side with 36 rooms, which is great because it's kind of like renting out a whole hotel for your private event.

Ceremony location

From the front lawn of the hotel 

Main entrance

They will work with any cocktail specifics you have in mind. Our signature drinks were Pimm's Cup and John Daly, and we also had a hosted keg of Sierra Nevada, which Monica arranged for us.

Hotel lobby 

DECOR 
I kept the flowers simple with Baby's Breath for the table settings (and bridesmaids bouquets too). We had random leftover flowers from my bouquet, so they were included in a few of the table settings as well. All flowers were purchased from a local wholesaler and came to a total of about $150. Instead of vases, we went with mason jars- all from the $.99 store. I purchased burlap fabric, with coupons from Joann's, and used them as table runners. My mom and I scoured local fabric stores and bought yards of scrap lace, which added another layer and delicateness to the burlap. We also used tea light candles on each table (not pictured). My guess on the total cost for each table setting would be around $20.00.

Hotel lobby

Now for all the photos that make me smile goofy tears of joy and give me the ugliest happy-face you'll ever not see...

My husband

Already starting to cry like a boss

Pearl wore our rings on her necklace 

Hair and make-up for most of the bridal party were courtesy of Joey and Aaron, a beauty duo who were recommended by a friend. Joey works at M.A.C. and Aaron does full drag hair, which totally perked my interests right from the start. I figured, if he can make men look like beautiful women, he can hopefully make me look like a beautiful woman.

Full disclosure: I may have had a major minor major minor freakout about my hair 20 minutes before walking down the aisle, which resulted in bobby pins being launched across the hotel room. However, this was not because of anything the beauty team did, I just decided that I wanted to do my own hair. It all ended up working out in the end.

Also, the beauty package for both hair and make-up was only $85, which is UNHEARD of. You know how much a like a deal. (Feel free to message me if you'd like their contact info.)

I'd like to point out that my mom made my veil, which I totally loved for two reasons: 1) it's a meaningful, one-of-a-kind piece, and 2) it was way cheaper than buying one. (She also made all of the bouquets.)

WE DID IT!

Bridesmaids processional: Zebra by Beach House

Bride processional: Quelqu'un Ma Dit by Carla Bruni

Bride and groom recessional: Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

The bridesmaids wore different dresses, all purchased at the mall

Pearl was so happy for her dad  :)

To add a personalized touch to the gazebo, my mom made a pretty floral arrangement, using artificial flowers, that was attached to the top. The ribbons along the backside gave it a dreamy and delicate look and were very cost-effective.

Jewelry: Vintage necklace and earring set purchased on Etsy for $16.

Sisters

Music from cocktail hour:
La Femme d'Argent by Air
Que Sera by Wax Tailor
Here Comes Your Man by the Pixies
Feels Like We Only Go Backwards by Tame Impala
Yakety Yak by The Coasters

DJ

Paul Carganilla did a super job of making the necessary announcements and narrations, without sounding like a cheeseball wedding DJ. We only met with him once and both Eric and I felt like we'd made the right decision right off the bat. He wasn't put-off when I insisted on providing an exact list of songs that could be played throughout the day's events (I'm very picky about music) and he was even cool about jumping from song to song, as I requested them. Paul did a fantastic job and I wish I had more events for him to DJ. 

Pearl rocked the hell out of her grand entrance to Macho Man

Bridal party grand entrance songs:

Round and Round by Ratt

Sabotage by Beastie Boys

Bandages by Hot Hot Heat

Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John

Gay Bar by Electric Six

Macho Man by The Village People

 Our grand entrance to Van Halen's Panama

Our official "First Dance" song: Midnight, the Stars, and You by Al Bowlly

(Bonus points if you recognize this song without Googling it)

Songs from reception:
Barbara Streisand by Duck Sauce
Sexy and I Know it by LMFAO
Dancing with Myself by Billy Idol
Danger! High Voltage by Electric Six
Me, Myself, and I by De La Soul
Sexy Chick by David Guetta
Scream and Shout by Will.i.am and Britney Spears
Mirror in the Bathroom by English Beat
Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte

WEDDING CAKE 
I opted for five different cakes, instead of the traditional, tired wedding cake. I really love the eclectic style of having several smaller cakes and it seems much more homemade, which was a theme I wanted to keep throughout the wedding. 

Cake flavors: Strawberry shortcake, carrot cake, lemon bavarian, symphony cake, and fruit charlotte.

WORTH NOTING: Our cakes were from Viktor Benes Bakery. Because we went with single-tiered cakes, as opposed to a traditional wedding cake, the overall cost was cut significantly. I worked directly with the head baker, who was very accommodating and decorated the cakes with a simple texturized frosting, just how I asked.

Vintage cake topper: $15 on eBay

Bouquet toss song: She's a Lady by Tom Jones

Garter toss song: I Only Want You by Eagles of Death Metal

VIDEOGRAPHY
Eric happens to be friends with a film and video director, Jeremy Poindexter. Even though we haven't seen the final video production yet, we've gotten to sneak a peek at the raw footage and everything looks uber hip. I love it. I'll be sure to post it sometime in the future (right when you've forgotten about all this nuptial business).

PHOTOGRAPHY
We lucked out not only in being friends with a videographer, but also being friends with a photographer. Melissa Bergen and I used to work together and I had been lucky enough to see her work on several projects, from start to finish. I knew that she paid great attention to detail and had the same eye for editing that we had. So when it came time to pick our wedding photographer, it was a no-brainer. We had already seen her work with our engagement photos and were confident she would give us great shots. As you can see, she did not disappoint. Not only are her photos great, but she was such a pleasure to work with. (While watching some of the raw video footage, we could hear Melissa in the background telling us what a beautiful couple we are and how the photos were all coming out perfectly- really, she is SO sweet.) At one point, I remember asking if she wanted me to squat down a little for a particular shot. She quickly pointed out that I was the bride and that I should just relax while she works around me. Which you KNOW I was all over. A girl can get used to that kind of treatment...

Did I mention this whole wedding was under budget...?

A budget of $10,000, to be exact.

I KNOW, ISN'T THAT CRAZY?!?!

We are so proud of ourselves for making our wedding exactly the way we wanted it AND managing to keep it totally affordable. Sure, it took a lot of research and elbow grease, but that's pretty much par for the course with weddings, isn't it? In the end, it was perfectly us and the whole process was spent with great people.

I couldn't be happier.

(All photos on this post are courtesy of Melissa Bergen Photography)

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