Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: The FINAL Installment

Ok, I'm sure most of you have to be thinking "Fuck, MORE Disneyland pictures?? How many pictures can you take in one day????"

Joke's on you. I can take dozens of pictures of a fast food burger alone (just check my iPhone), so imagine the possibilities at a theme park!!!


TUESDAY

We decided to skip breakfast and take our time getting down to the park. Vicki and her family headed to Downtown Disney while Pearl watched cartoons (and I may or may not have straightened my hair).

Just before entering the park, Pearl snapped this beaut. It's a little washed out, but I tend to look better like that anyway.

Welcome to California Adventure!

The water rafting ride I was too chicken to go on because there was a dip involved and people screamed and no thanks.

My favorite ride in the park.

Pearl's favorite ride. At the end of it, Ariel and Prince Eric are animatronics waving at each buggy as it exits. Pearl and I waved back like they were human. One of us really believed they were. I'm not saying who but it was me.

A signature shot.

Pearl's face while we waited in the longest line ever, Toy Story. But even I have to admit, it was worth the wait and funner than I expected.

The Caesar Salad I ordered from the Mexican food stand. I'll tell you one thing, the food at California Adventure blows Disneyland's food out of the water. I equate Disneyland food with overpriced hospital cafeteria. The prices here were probably just as steep, but I felt like I was getting a quality meal, not some burger slop served up by Barth, the chef from You Can't Do That on Television. Also worth noting: THEY SELL BEER IN CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE.

Ever since we saw Puss N Boots, Pearl likes to break into "salsa mode" whenever the mood strikes.

Cotton candy was a dietary staple during this trip. I'm sure you're shocked.

AND YES! MORE RANDOM SHOTS FROM BOTH PARKS!

 Making our grand entrance on Main Street, USA.

My best Chip N' Dale impression while WEARING a Chip N' Dale hat. What's worse- that I was making this face, or that I actually make this face on a regular basis? The world may never know.

I love the face on the girl behind us. And no, there was nothing wrong with her so yes it is okay to laugh.

Someone's obviously way more interested in trying on "cute little hats!!!"

And probably my favorite shot of the day.

Wasn't that fun? It's like you just took a family vacation of your own, only you saved a shit-ton of money and didn't have to deal with all the annoyingly slow people and their 48-seater baby carriages.

Have a great weekend!!!

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Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: Part II

MONDAY

After a great night of sleep, we headed down to the hotel restaurant for our complimentary breakfast of two eegs, breakfast potatoes, and bacon. The eggs and potatoes were good and hearty. The bacon was shitty and deep fried and grizzly. Gross.

We finally made it to the park just after opening! This is the big exciting moment we've all been waiting for!!!

And by "all", I mean everyone except Pearl. As you can see, she still wasn't sure about this whole "Disneyland" place.

Once we passed the gates and took our round of memorable photos in front of the giant Mickey face, Pearl began to loosen up. And once she saw a costumed Gepetto taking photos with visitors, she was SOLD.

And then, within 10 minutes of entering the park, this happened:

...Boyfriend realized he'd lost his backpack.

Lucky for us, it was still at the front gate where he took it off for pictures. And even more lucky for us, the Disney cops didn't see an unattended backpack sitting in the middle of the park and call the bomb squad.

I'm not sure what's going on with Pearl's mouth here, but I like it. 

Vicki, Tate, and cousin Hope.

It's a Small World

Being cool in Toontown.

Lunch break.

The Mad Hatter.

A butterfly that kept landing on us.

Aaaaand, this is where my stomach hit rock bottom and I got sick. I ended up taking a taxi back to the hotel room and missed the second half of the day.

Jerk stomach.

And with that, our first day at the park came to an end.

Next post: California Adventure!

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Pearl's First Trip to Disneyland: Part I

Two weeks ago was Pearl's 6th birthday. To celebrate not only her birthday (and her recent non-fear of grown ass adults in full body costumes), but also her cousin's birthday AND Boyfriend's birthday, we had planned to go Disneyland for over a year.

If you've never been to Disneyland, here's the lay of the land:

Downtown Disney: An outdoor shopping strip filled with overpriced Disney-themed paraphernalia and family dining establishments, located just outside of the park. It's open to the public and you don't need tickets to get in.

Disneyland:  The real deal Holyfield. This is the main attraction where you see giant characters darting in and out of unmarked doors, trying to get from one location to another without getting mauled by a thousand sweaty little kids. The themes within the park include Main Street USA, Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, Adventureland, Frontierland, Toontown, and New Orleans Square.

California Adventure: A more laid-back, less-populated theme park directly across from Disneyland. The themes are comprised of locations throughout California, like the Santa Cruz boardwalk, Cannery Row in San Francisco, Napa Valley, etc.

Since I took approximately 84,000 photos during our visit to all three locations, I can pretty much guarantee this post is going to be 95% photo dump. And because I have so many pictures to post, I'll most likely break it up into three entries.

So, while I realize I may lose some of you with the boring-lovey-dovey-sweet-family stuff, I'm okay with it because this is more like one of those personal "journal" type entries. Hopefully, you can follow along and appreciate what it's like to be at the happiest place on earth.


_____________________________________________________________

SUNDAY

Exiting the freeway, we got turned around and somehow missed the huge signs saying "DOWNTOWN DISNEY - RIGHT TWO LANES". To get us back on track, I pulled up mapquest on my phone. Only stupid mapquest rerouted us to Disney, Oklahoma.

Needless to say, I figured that one out when I saw that according to mapquest, Disneyland was only 1,500 miles.

We got to Anaheim around 1:30pm and met up Boyfriend's sister and her family for lunch at The Rainforest Cafe.

I got a cheeseburger and INHALED it.

The bun was pretty sorry looking, but my mouth didn't care.

From there, we hit up the much-anticipated "Build-A-Bear" store.

The girls typing in their new Build-A-Bear's "birth certificate".

While we were there, we saw a girl who was shopping for hats for her mini pig.

He was my favorite Build-A-Bear.

The hotel we stayed at is called The Anabella. I would HIGHLY recommend it to fellow Disneyland visitors. It's located one block from the park, and there's a nicely landscaped walkway straight to Downtown Disney. Both Boyfriend and I thought the beds were super comfy, the exterior of the hotel was nicely landscaped with lush plants, and the rooms were very affordable (especially compared to the Disney hotels). The only downside I noticed was the couch- it's not very cushy and you can feel every spring. But that's because it's a pull-out couch. And also, it was really just the little girls who were sitting on the couch anyway and they're young enough to tough it out.

The girls slept in the alcove bed around the corner. 

Dressing space separate from the bathroom. 

The garden outside of our rooms. 

The hotel grounds.

Since we didn't have park tickets for Sunday, we all just relaxed at the hotel pool that first evening.

And by "all", I mean Vicki and I relaxed while the dads provided water transportation services all around the pool.

That night, we had dinner at the hotel restaurant, Tangerine. Pearl wore a princess dress and I ordered a vegetable sandwich loaded with goat cheese. Neither is very surprising.

Worth noting: The hotel restaurant has a DELICIOUS, fruity cocktail called The Tangerita (I think...). If you go there, order it.

After dinner, everyone was pooped. So we all headed back to our rooms and called it a night.

Next post: Disneyland!!!

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I Should Have Brought Immodium...

I'm on a family vacation right now with Pearl and Boyfriend and Boyfriend's sister and her family. I was happily enjoying the Disneyland park when all of a sudden my stomach hit the switches and said "OH HELLS NO. You will NOT be having a good time on MY watch." Things went from 0 to 60 in record time and now here I am, laid out in the hotel room while the rest of the group enjoys all the amenities Walt Disney has to offer.

While laying here I decided to look through the camera and pretend I'm not in diarrhea agony, daydream I'm actually back at the park, check out the shots I got. That's when I noticed something that I thought was worth sharing.

Kids have great skin.

I mean, really great, fucking perfect-looking porcelain skin.

In EVERY single shot of Pearl and her cousin, they're both rosy and cherub-cheeked, bright-eyed, happy and natural looking in front of the camera, clear complected, energetic and full of life... I could go on forever.

And the pictures of me? There's a 50/50 chance that I'll look like some kind of Rosie O'Donnell/ Steven Cojocaru/ Crypt Keeper/ grizzly bear hybrid.

My eyelids are all heavy and bloodshot and look like I haven't slept in 3 years. And the dark circles underneath look like I've been hidden away like Flowers in the Attic. My cheeks are puffy and saggy like fucking Droopy Dog on crack. My teeth are turning 28 shades of "shit" and I have no idea why because I don't smoke OR drink coffee, and Yes, I do brush my teeth on a regular basis. My hair looks like I'm wearing a sorry fucking 1994 Selena wig. I could go on, but I can tell I'm about 5 minutes away from another bathroom visit so I better cut it short.

I'm not telling you all this to get sympathetic "Aw, you look great!".

I'm telling you this so you'll be aware. And join me in cursing that bitch, Mother Nature.

Happy Monday.

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We Hosted Our First Thanksgiving.

When it comes to cooking a Thanksgiving meal, I've heard some horror stories. Everything from forgetting to thaw the turkey, to forgetting to take out the giblets, to overcooking, to under cooking, to putting the thermometer in the wrong part of the meat, to the thermometer not working, etc.

That, coupled with my not-exactly-stellar cooking abilities meant the potential for things going wrong this Thanksgiving was in a zone I'd like to call "EXTREMELY HIGH".

Did I mention, neither Boyfriend nor I had ever made a turkey before...?

So Boyfriend and I were in shock and awe over the TOTAL MOTHER FUCKING SUCCESS that was Thanksgiving 2011. We pretty much high-fived each other all day long.

The menu went as follows:

TILTE and Boyfriend in charge of...
-turkey
-mashed potatoes
-asparagus
-rice pilaf
-sweet potato casserole
-rolls
-cranberry relish

Mom in charge of...
-apple pie
-pumpkin pie
-cranberry fluff
-stuffing

Sisters in charge of...
-cheese ball appetizer
-crackers
-drinks


Our preparations actually began probably two weeks before, when I started hoarding non-perishables like the people on those crazy couponing shows. Except, like an asshole, I totally forgot to buy my fresh herbs until the day before the dinner (which was actually the day AFTER real Thanksgiving). I went to two local grocery stores and both "herb" sections were picked clean. Except for Tarragon because nobody fucking buys Tarragon.

BUT THEN...

The produce guy at Albertson's was my superhero when he brought me a "Thanksgiving Plant" that had the exact three herbs I was looking for: Sage, Rosemary, & Thyme.


My next hero was a pack of Knorr Homestyle Stock that was a freebie from BlogHer. I used two little tubs to make stock for basting the turkey. Adding stock to the bottom of the roasting pan was a savior. And as a non-turkey-maker, I had no idea anything even needed to be added to the pan.


Since I'm not a big fan of plain old turkey, we opted for one of those fancy looking, "herby" birds. The recipe we used for the herb-butter can be found HERE. It was delicious tasting and looking. And it made the house smell like we were legit chefs and shit.


The house was all set up for guests.




People started arriving. While Boyfriend and I slaved away in the kitchen, everyone mingled and ate homemade cheese ball.


All the food was ready for serving by 5:30.

Only 30 minutes late, which is great if you ask me because I'm always late and with a menu like this, things were destined to not only be late, but really awful too. But they weren't awful. In fact, everything turned out great. AND it was all ready at the same time due to meticulously planning out how long each item will take to prep/ cook and noting exactly what time to start said item.

The blessed turkey.

The herb-butter was a hit. However, next time I would probably cook it for a tad longer.


Table 1 of 3. With some extra tables, everyone was able to eat in the dining room. All twelve guests.

That's right.

We fed twelve people without making anyone sick. And trust me, if we had made anyone sick, they would have called to complain by now.



Afterwards, everyone split up around the house and found their preferred lazy spot.

Mom and sister watching TV in the bedroom...


Brother and his middle finger...


Boyfriend relaxing from our victory...


And yours truly. Practicing my greasy Barbizon model pose for the camera.

Awww, and Biscuit with her hologram eyes. (Contrary to what you've heard about Jersey Shore's Sammy the Sweetheart, BISCUIT is actually the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.)


All the kids had their own thing going on. And since they had free reign to do whatever they wanted as long as no one was being an asshole, there was lots of running and hiding and it seemed uncomfortably close to Lord of the Flies.
Also, there were costumes.






And just because I don't want any of you thinking my nephew is some kind of bohemian hooligan, here's a picture of him being "normal" with a mouth full of whipped cream.


Also. A pic of my sister. So there's that.


And just so we end NOT on a note that points out how weird we all are, here's a shot of some pie.


Now that you've basically participated in a home cooked TILTE Thanksgiving, are you as impressed as I am??

Probably not.

But it was a completely success in my eyes.

Boner'ppetite.

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