What to Expect in Small Claims Court.

As I'm sure you all remember (BECAUSE I KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT IT), I went to court last week.

This was my first time in small claims court and I thought it would be interesting to share my experience.

You know. Just in case you need to sue someone too.

1. Complete and submit a small claim in the county where the defendant/ defendant's place of business is located. (Mine was Los Angeles.) Your local courthouse should have these stocked, but I found mine online by Googling "filing a small claim in ________ County."

2. You'll receive a few email notices updating you on the progress of your claim and you'll also need to make a credit card payment. This amount depends on the amount that you are suing for. I don't remember what the ranges were, but my fee was only $30.

3. Serving the defendant: The bad guy needs to receive his notice and it has to be done by an outside source. This can be a friend, relative, sheriff's office, paid delivery service, whatever.

4. Prepare for your hearing. Make sure to get notarized affidavits (Form MC-030) from all of your witnesses. And if you can get your witnesses to appear with you in court, even better.

More important than witnesses, PRINT OUT COPIES OF ALL COMMUNICATION THAT COULD TOTALLY BUST THE DEFENDANT'S ASS. I made copies of email chains and Facebook chats and highlighted all of the pertinent information. (This will save the judge time and spare him from reading through your boring-ass conversations.) Do some internet sleuthing. Look up the defendant on the Better Business Bureau and print up their less-than-stellar rating. If you happen to come across a negative review someone has written about them, throw that in the mix too. You can never have too much evidence.

5. Hearing day: Show up to court early. Most courthouses have a security checkpoint and depending on your city, security can be a line out the door. Make sure to look presentable.

6. Hearing time: Our case was grouped together with about 30 other cases, all for the 1:30 p.m. time slot. At 1:30 p.m. on the dot, the courtroom doors opened and the bailiff let everyone in. The room looked like a mini People's Court. There was an audience section, two podiums, and the judge's bench. The court clerk calls role. The judge takes his/her seat. He/she explains that all litigants will step out into the hallway for one last attempt at a settlement. All cases who reach a settlement on their own will be processed immediately. Any cases who do not meet an agreement on their own will go before the judge.

7. One by one, in no particular order, cases are reviewed. This part is like sitting in a real-life, courtroom TV show. (I loved it.) When the judge calls "YOU vs BAD GUYS INC." you take your place at the Plaintiff's podium. The bailiff will take the evidence from both parties and the judge will look it over. He/she will ask the necessary questions to come to a lawful decision. If it is a simple case, a decision will be made on the spot. If the judge needs more time to consider evidence, you're SOL and the court will notify you of the outcome.

8. This part is a little foggy, but I believe both parties will be notified by mail as to the verdict of the hearing. The loser then has to pay up within a set amount of time, like 30 days. I think. I wasn't really paying too much attention because I was busy doing step 9.

9. Victory dance.

10. Go home satisfied and blog about the whole thing. Continue to watch Judge Judy and The People's Court and consider adding "Esq." to the end of your name so people will know you mean business.

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Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining.

Long story short, I did copywriting work for a client. And that client tried to bail on payment.

I sued them.

I won.


Long story long...

My friend Brian got a new job last November. We'll call the company, Stupid Cheaters Corp. (SCC). This corporation needed some copywriting for a small project. Brian contacted me, I submitted my resume, I got the freelance job. The project went off without a hitch and SCC paid me for my work.

As soon as that assignment ended, another project was offered to me. Same company, bigger spectrum. This one was for a full website rewrite. I submitted my estimate and they gave me the green light to go ahead on copy. Not only did I meet their tight deadlines, but I also discovered (and reported) major plagiarism issues plastered all over their website. Copy that had been lifted straight from competitors' websites.

Dummies.

We went through a few rounds of revisions, with several employees, and copy was finalized. During this last phase, SCC sent me sitemaps, content, and websites for my third project.

Knowing they were on another tight deadline, I started copy for this new project right away.

I only completed two pages before I heard back from their Director of Marketing: He was calling to say they were "going in a different direction" and wouldn't be needing the copy I had already finalized and sent to them. Lie #1.

I told them I would still be expecting my money.

The Director of Marketing stated that he would pass my concerns along to the CEO, the "real" decision-maker behind this moronic company.

A week later, the Director of Marketing was fired.

. . . . .

It wasn't long before I'd had enough of these fools and decided to file a claim in small claims court.

About a week after SCC was served with their court notice, I received a call from a mysterious new "Office Manager." This clown tried to offer me a settlement of less than I was owed. I basically told him to kiss my butt and that I'd be seeing him in court.

By this point, Brian had gotten laid-off from SCC. Which meant he was able to speak as my witness to the general assholery that was going on behind closed doors.


The big day arrived and we went to court. Eric, Brian, and I.

You should have seen Office Manager's face when he saw Brian sitting beside me. It was precious.

Again, Office Manager offered a lesser amount than what was owed. Again, I told him no.

At the hearing, the judge read over my evidence. He asked the defendant about SCC's reasons for not paying my invoice. Officer Manager stated that their former Director of Marketing was a loose cannon who must have overlooked paying me. Lie #2. He then changed his argument, saying the copy I provided didn't meet FAA regulations (the project was based on aircraft), and therefore, was useless. Lie #3. He was pulling out excuses like a clown pulling out scarves. It was just embarrassing.

The judge saw through this bullshit and moded him so hard.

He told the defendant that I was hired to write copy, which is marketing. FAA regulations are a legal matter and should have been addressed by a lawyer.

In the middle of his dumbed-down scolding of the defendant, he stopped, looked at me, and said "I'm siding in your favor by the way-" and then continued to explain to that fool why I was owed the full amount.

Oh man. It was great.

I'll write another post about the hearing process itself. For now, this is all that really matters.

VICTORY.

Thank you Judge Judy and Judge Milian. You've trained me well.

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